Is it normal that my husband thinks it’s ok to come home to sleep at night while im the hospital giving birth to our first child? He would obviously stay for the birth, but thinks it’s ok to come home and sleep that night and come back the next day. I think that’s insane, but curious if I’m overreacting

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You are not overreacting. He should be there to help with the baby at night in the hospital too!

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My hubby would be dead for even asking this question out loud. 🤷🏻‍♀️
You are too nice OP.

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Nurses are amazing

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It might not even be possible if you’re giving birth soon. Second, to be fair I might consider doing this for my second, but for the first I would have been pissed. I had an easy vaginal delivery and it was still very helpful to have my husband to do diaper changes, bring baby to me, fill up my water/hand me food and snacks, and help me in and out of bed.

I’d be genuinely concerned about his motivations for wanting to leave you alone with a newborn and what that bodes for his involvement as a father.

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No. My husband did this (with my blessing) but it turned out they took my son - he had issues with his temperature and needed to be in the NICU. Because I was essentially bed-bound and they kept telling me he would be here within an hour or so I never called my husband back. I should have but frankly I don’t think I was thinking 100% either. I just had no idea my son would be gone for that long (all night). Had my husband been there, he could have gone to the NICU to hold our baby. Anyway, son is 18 now and all is fine. But no - your husband should be encouraged to stay with you because you will be semi-to-fully- incapacitated.

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My husband left to go home for our older kid(s) once we had more than one but I really wish he had been able to stay. After c-section, my mobility sucked. I get that hospitals want to leave the baby in the room to promote bonding and breastfeeding but I was not capable to be left with an infant and the nursing staff was not very responsive. I would definitely have wanted him to stay if we had any other option for care for our kids at home.

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My husband slept on the futon in my hospital room for all of our kids’ births. This was pre-Covid but they generally expect a partner to be there with you. You also can’t time everything so you might be giving birth at night. Then nurses are coming in every couple hours to check you and/or baby, possibly give instructions, you need support to help remember the info, help you to the bathroom, order food, start caring for the baby. He should expect to go with you and not return home until you and baby do a couple days later.

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I think for your husband to suggest this is insensitive. He should at least try to be supportive and there for you. I would’ve been hysterical if my husband was to ever suggest anything as such especially if i was 9 months pregnant with all the raging hormones.

That being said, my husband was with me the first night and non of us got any sleep for >24 hours. I decided to kick him home (he was reluctant to leave) to sleep the 2nd night so at least one of us is able to be fully functioning to check us out of the hospital. It’s terrible to sleep at the hospital and tbh I didn’t find my husband any use since I had a smooth delivery.

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No way 🙅🏻‍♀️

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I told my husband to go home after our second and third was born, but he did stay the entire time when it was our first.

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You are not overreacting.

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My husband will be there the entire time (I'm due next week). He wants to be there with the baby. Also- because of covid, he literally can't leave or else he will not be allowed back in, hospital rules.

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This was the case for us as well. Hubby couldn’t leave the premises or he wouldn’t be allowed back in.

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My husband went home to sleep. It was actually nice to have him well rested when we came home. I sent my babies to the nursery overnight in the hospital to get some sleep as well. Do what works for you!

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Your husbands proposal is our plan! My husband will stay throughout labor and delivery, but for nights post birth he will go home to sleep.

The nurses and nursery will help with baby overnight. And you need him well rested to help once you and baby come home.

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A number of the NY hospitals are letting spouses come and go

I had an emergency c-section due to severe pre-eclampsia. A couple of hours longer and myself or the baby would not been here...I went alone in for a regular visit with my Ob-gyn and checked myself in into the emergency room. I waited four hours for my husband to show up (traffic and hospital bag was not ready). I gave birth 15 min after he arrived. I staid in the hospital for a week because they could not get my blood pressure under control and my husband did not stay overnight at all. The first night he left and I was in complete disbelief what was happening. I think he was there for maximum 2h a day (we did severe remodeling at the house which needed to get done and he was leading it) and one day he did not come at all. I don’t have parents here so it was pretty lonely and I was super glad and blessed a lot of my coworkers showed up. Reading the reactions here it seems my bar is pretty low or by being an immigrant - building my life here - traveling alone I just became very independent (or insensitive). Not sure what is best of these two options - if any... 🤨

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I’m an extremely independent person but delivery was unlike anything I’d experienced before and definitely needed support, it had nothing to do with my desire to be self-sufficient.

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I wouldn’t feel comfortable with this, mainly in case something goes wrong with you or the baby.

Funny story though... my husband uses a CPAP for sleep apnea and brought his to labor and post-care. While I was laboring overnight, I told him to try to rest because I was just going to close my eyes. A nurse walked in on him sleeping on the couch with his CPAP on and me having contractions. She was shocked and said she’d never seen that before.

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You are tired after giving birth, that you need the rest. Yes nurses help a little, but it’s America, so a little is barely. They have entire floors to take care of and you needing get out of bed after a c-section because you need to change a diaper at 3 am is leas awful if your partner is there to help. Him sleeping uncomfortably doesn’t compare to the exhaustion you’re about to experience.

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Check the hospital policies. Where we are babies room in with you and I had been awake for over 36 hours in labor and absolutely needed my husband to care for the baby that first night in the hospital. There is no nursery.
Not to mention that not only is skin to skin time important for baby and mama but for baby and daddy Devon to. He was changing diapers and holding baby on his chest and generally an essential part of that first day or two. It is harder with number two because we needed to balance the support we should give our toddler at the time, but otherwise there is no way he would ever leave the hospital.

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Yup. I’ll be delivering at a room in hospital. So my husband is definitely staying. Plus we’d never have it any other way.

OP-If your husband enjoyed making the baby, he needs to be there to support and help

Mine did that. We have been divorced for 14 years now. His attitude towards me and our child never changed.

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Sleeping in the hospital sucks for everyone, especially the first night since you and baby are often under pretty consistent monitoring (every 2-3 hours often and it’s terrible when you and baby aren’t in sync so they come in every hour it seems). Even with this, my husband has stayed for all three deliveries. To cut down time (and terrible sleeping conditions), I have pushed to be discharged ASAP for each kid because it isn’t comfortable at all. For #1, it was just under 48 hours but for #2 and #3, we were packed and ready to go waiting on discharge papers at basically 24 hours. My deliveries were uncomplicated and no issues with the babies, so I was vocal from the start that I wanted out as soon as I could.

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When I had my second baby, there was no one to take care of my first. I didn't want to leave her overnight with an unknown person from care. So I let my husband stay with her at home most of the time. Somehow things worked out successfully. No regrets.

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My husband went home for a few hours each day to refresh as well as check in in my parents who were visiting from overseas to meet the baby (our first born) however we are super lucky to live about 7mins away. I did have to stay in hospital for about a week due to complications to be monitored so suggested to hubs to go back to sleep since those futons aren’t the most comfortable and i did send baby to nursery for a couple of nights esp when i was under magnesium sulfate meds but he still stayed which i was super appreciative. I did let him do his fantasy football draft in the hospital an hour after birth though 😂

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