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Is it ok to get personal in salary negotiations? For example, let the recruiter know that I’m a single parent supporting three young kids and two retired parents and I really need more money.

likefunnyhelpful
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I think it depends on the framing and your alternatives. If you actually require extra money and therefore have to value salary over other things (good brand name, upward mobility, stock) then this could be relevant explain why you have to make decisions based on cash compensation. Especially if you’re willing to give up a non-cash version of compensation (e.g stock, bonus, quota). If you think your total comp should be higher based purely on need, then that’s different and I agree with previous commenters.

For example I know people that have had to work at less “cool” companies just because they have kids and a mortgage (think Walmart Labs vs Postmates 4 years ago). I think it’s fine to say “Postmates - I love your company and believe in it and would love to work there. Unfortunately I have personal commitments that I need to take into account and other companies (albeit with less valuable stock and brand) willing to pay that. If we can figure out how to make my annual salary $xx I’m happy to accept immediately”

likesmart

First, again CONGRATULATIONS OP! on being a single parent to 3 kids and taking care of your parents. You are phenomenal!

Second, I don’t know how so many people can UNEQUIVOCALLY tell you not to bring the personal into the negotiations. I think as long as it’s framed in the right context - “look I need $x to live a respectable job and do the right thing by my family, job B offers me that although my level of fulfillment would be lower.”

IT’S COMPLETELY FINE

Like I said, (1) people aren’t hiring automatons, they’re hiring full human beings, (2) Integrating the personal into the work context only makes you more authentic and clearly points to why you want to stay, what your commitment level is and why you are likely to stay

You do you!

likeuplifting
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Yeah that’s weird, people shouldn’t get paid more because they made different life choices

likehelpful

As soon as I read “Life choices” I immediately discarded KMPG1’s argument. Its not for one to decide what someone chose or not for their life.

No that’s begging

likefunny

Recruiter here. Do not do that as part of a negotiation. State the reasons that you’re worth more because of the value you will bring not because of your personal situation. 

likehelpful

I’d steer clear in general. It’s about the value you bring the company.

If you’re male, I’ve read research that says some counterparts may be receptive to that, but if you’re female I’ve read in the same research that will definitely work against you

likehelpfulfunny

@strategic consultant 1 “he was top of his class” <- this is what got him the bump, 100% if he was middle of his class that wouldn’t happen.

It won’t (and shouldn’t) matter

likesmart

No. Salaries are a business driven decision. If the business need to hire you is great enough, and you say “I’m walking unless I get $X,” they might cough up X. They don’t care at all the reasons you’re demanding $X and if you’re not worth at least $X to them no sad story in the world will make them pay more.

likesmart

I have to agree. You always negotiate from.a position of strength.

likesmart

To be brutally honest I would find that not only irrelevant but slightly off-putting. I would not mention it. Consulting is meritocratic - if you demonstrate your worth (which really is not the same as many people think they’re worth, including me) there’s plenty of scope to get sufficient comp to keep your family in good health. Consider also talking to contracting agencies. My wife makes almost 2x as a freelancer like for like (ie per day) compared to what she did as a stressed out manager and now takes chunks of the year off, but has plenty of demand.

like

Please see my responses on this thread to see if you can appreciate the opposite point of view

not to be harsh but why should the employer care why you want more money. at that point why not also give extra $ to people who want to buy a house soon, want to go on vacation, etc

like

Yikes

like

The only thing I would get from that is your a liability with too much non-negotiable responsibility outside of work and may not be available during crunch time.

like

Base negotiations on the value you will bring, what your other offers are valuing you at, what your current firm is countering with to make you stay, etc. NOT on what you need to take care of your personal needs.

like

That’s extremely inappropriate to bring up during the hiring process. You should negotiate based on the value you can bring, not because of your personal life choices.

likefunny

Just hopping in to say that kudos to you for managing 1. A job 2. Being a single parent 3. Having this many kids 4. Taking care of your parents 5. Manage to land an offer!!!! You are a champ and those achievements deserve to be celebrated!!!

likeuplifting

Needing more to fund your lifestyle is not relevant. Needing more to be on par with marker rates doe work performed, relevant.

like

Your personal situation is just that - personal. I'd suggest that it would not be a good negotiating tactic. Talk up your merits instead.

like

To me, it depends how you frame it. If you go with, i really love your company and this is a great opportunity im really really excited about, but have some monetary constraints due to my family situation and that is something i have to heavily consider...do you think you could up the salary to match my other offer?

likesmart

This thread is very black and white focused around “need / socialism” on the one hand and “capability / business perspective” on the other

In reality the “salary” is a range

I have successfully negotiated better cash compensation (+60%!) with an equity backload by pointing to other opportunities I could take and the fact that I have young kids / need to save for their education etc.

Remember that bringing the personal in (1) makes the negotiation more authentic (it’s about the “whole person” etc), (2) may also demonstrate that you are thinking long and hard about this and are likely to stick around / commit harder etc

like

I would not give these messages in this way. Always anchor on your target salary and if they struggle to meet if, then you can highlight you are making decisions that allow you to make the right call for your family and not yourself. Good luck and if you need help, happy to chat.

like

Exactly

like

When I negotiated my last salary I talked about needing x amount of dollars more to be able to make the transition. ie I worked from home before and would need to take transportation into work under this new job, so needed x more dollars per month to make it worth it to me to give up that “benefit” of working from home. I think you could do something similar beyond highlighting your value to the company.

like

Yes just saying I think you can say similarly, my last job gave me x flexibility to pick up kids etc and so I need y.

Why would they care? Wouldn’t bring up

like

None of these comments should make you sad. If you want equity in hiring and pay, then personal circumstances should not impact either.

like

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