Is it realistic to end a relationship because your boyfriend does not work to improve himself (go back to college or exercise) even when he says he will in the next few months? How long am I supposed to wait? I really do enjoy his company and he does have wonderful qualities but his lack of self - improvement has been hanging over my head. We have only been together 7 months.

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

I can relate to your post but I've been married for 10 years now. My wife is smart, hard working and creative but she lacks motivation and confidence. I have tried and given up trying to push her to get a job she might like or start a business doing what she loves. I've realized the change can't be forced on her if she's not willing to try.

So I've just accepted the situation for what it is. 10 years in we are able to make do with just one salary and live a good life. However if I had known it would be like this 7 months in, I would have left. It's put a lot of extra pressure on me to manage our finances.

I don't want to project my situation on to yours but you're right for questioning whether it's worth the effort to keep going. Try to really dig deep into what you see in your boyfriend and whether you have an image in your head that's not obtainable. It will help you make your decision.

like

Appreciate your view, thank you!

Gurl, it doesn’t sound like you’re changing a man. Sounds like you’re changing a diaper. Leave him.

like

🙏

Pandemic really isn’t an ideal time for picking up hobbies so I think you might want to factor that in.

Idk if he was the type to play sports with the guys or go to the gym before but even these athletic people have taken it down a notch (and depending on where you live some of these facilities are closed!)

Has anything bad happened to him this year as well - layoffs or other stressors that would impact mental health?

Definitely adds to the unwillingness, which I can speak from experience when I’m going through depressive modes.

Self improvement is important but would be worth looking into why he’s not doing them.

7 months isn’t an incredibly long time so if you wanted to there’s nothing stopping you but if it’s going well and it’s something you want to work on I would try to understand the situation a bit more

like

Change the genders here and ask yourself this question...

like

I guess that makes sense to a certain extent, however, in the context of considering a long-term relationship, wanting someone to be driven and take care of their health are pretty important qualities if that is important to you and in line with your approach to life. Just my thoughts, I'm female btw :)

like

Can confirm. Plz go. 5 years in. 1 year married. Always promises of better. Never improvement. The stress on your mental, physical, emotional, and financial health is not worth it.

like

Paid for a divorce lawyer today

like

Related Posts

How do you work with a planner? We hired a planner for our 2023 wedding, but I feel like we are waiting for her to make moves and tell us what to do. Vendors are booking up but I don’t want to annoy her because I know she has 2022 weddings. I have no idea how to navigate this relationship.

like

Is there a way to check our friends’ network on LinkedIn? Not check check, but who he is connected to

like

My husband never reads and wants to start reading as a new hobby. What is a good book that you would recommend for a 40 year old man? Not self help books, but maybe something with action. I think he would like the Bourne series, but he saw all the movies so he's not interested, but something similar.

like

How to combat with the feeling that you are unloved? I recently came out to my parents who have stopped speaking to me. And feel like all of my friends are getting into relationships and I’m no longer important/they stopped making plans with me.

like

I have a confession to make: i dumped my boyfriend of 1 year because he is a real jerk. Then, i set up a profile for him on Grindr and i added his phone number in the profile, now he get dick pics

likefunnyupliftingsmarthelpful

My spouse has made it clear to me that they no longer support me working in biglaw and want me to find a job with more reasonable hours. They were supportive early in my career and when we had one child, but our second was born a couple of years ago and all the additional work they put in at home, the lack of family time and lack of couples time is becoming a big strain on our marriage. We are in a high cost of living city so will have to undergo a major lifestyle change if we forego my biglaw..

like

Had a big fight with my gf last night (we live together), looking for advice. She’s a first gen immigrant and her niece recently returned from their home country. She was staying with her brother in law but he’s been drinking a lot so she felt unsafe. She came to crash at my place which I was fine with for a couple of nights. Yesterday she let me know that her niece needs to stay two weeks. She didn’t rly ask she just told me - which rly pissed me off. Am I wrong for wanting to be consulted?

like

I don’t understand how someone can lie about loving you for 6 months. We were together for almost a year (broke up a week before our anniversary). I said I love you first and he said it back. I asked for more reassurance last month with saying I love you more often. Now all of a sudden he said he didn’t know if he loved me and that love meant marriage for him. Okay well great thanks for telling me this now, 6 months after it was initially exchanged. I don’t understand how he could do that.

like

I am getting ready to send my 2 year old toddler to a toddler program next week for the first time. Have to fill out a form “bathroom waiver”, which is basically allowing teachers at the school to clean my child after a potty, including genital area. I feel uneasy about this but I know I have to let them… I assume all parents have signed such waiver?

I’m aware of another attorney suicide, please stay safe and get help if things are getting too hard. There are so many people in your life that love you. If you need to change jobs, change jobs. Nothing is worth that much.

likeupliftinghelpful

Does EY have anything to help you get connected with an au pair company?

Welcome all to parents in Consulting bowl, please post a little bit about yourself, number of kids and their ages!

like

Any beach recommendations for family with young kids? 3-4 hour drive max. Top priorities are space, space, and space.. for kids to play and because of COVID of course.

like

Any book recommendations for first time dads?

like

Been having trouble moving on since girlfriend ended relationship 3 weeks ago after 2+ years of dating. Before ending it she came over 3 weeks prior to basically give me a chance to work things out and we had a good discussion but then I went back into our routine and didn’t really fight for it or have serious follow up convos that we needed. Now I just have so many regrets that I let her go. I know we still love each other and left on “good” terms but can’t forgive myself for my lack of action.

like

I think I’m becoming my parents 😩

likefunny

Should I take my girlfriend back after she drunkenly kissed a random guy at a bar?
We were at a bar with friends and I left the bar because I was ready to go home. She stayed with friends and I later found out that she kissed a random guy and her friend had to break it up. We are 3 months in and I feel betrayed. She has assured to me that it was not cheating and just a mistake. She loves me and wants to stay together and swore to do better. I’m torn because I feel like all trust is gone.

like

Have you ever come across a point in your relationship that got you thinking they weren't the one?

When I ask myself what I'd say if my partner proposed, I wouldn't say yes. They're talking about buying a house but the thought of having anything legally binding to them terrifies me.

We've been together for 5 years, which has me so confused. If you've been with someone for so long, how does this feeling come to be?

like

I moved to the US with wife from abroad a few months ago. We had a pretty great life filled with parties and friends. Now I feel like the grind is killing our passion. Any ideas...

like

I don't have any friends in banglore. It is hard for me to find friends cause i am always that aloof kid who in addition is not straight so can't even bond with my teammates. How do people live like this. Even my flatmates don't talk . : (

like

More Posts

Hi fishes,

Anyone please refer me for UI/UX Developer profile. I've 3.5 years of experience.

Tech stack: HTML5, CSS3, JavaScript, jQuery, Adobe creative suite, reactJs.@

like

Why are boomers strolling around outside running errands? Is it time to reopen schools and fire up the economy?

like

If you were a staffing agency and recruitment firm owner like myself, how would you get new clients business?

like

I want to hit six figures this year, but I’m about $24,000 short - what are side jobs that you guys have done to supplement your 9-5 income? I need some inspiration- my work background is restaurants, reselling clothes(I love thrifting) & prop mgmt

like

What the hell is this company “ROSS”?

like

Looking for Product Owner opportunities in Canada. Toronto would be the preferred area.
Any help or referral will be appreciated.

like

Elon Musk be like asking the employees to come back to the office but no money pay rent lmao

Post Photo
likefunny

What is a blue sheet catalytic coaching?

like

What’s the going salary for a tax manager in NYC?

like

Anyone work in real estate or familiar with the Realogy rebrand to Anywhere? Curious about opinions.

like

I have 2 tickets for the red sox game tonight but cannot make it. If anyone is interested in buying them, dm me and ill share more details.

Seats are in the reserved pavilion. See pic :)

Post Photo
like

Defense Counsel here: a PSA to the PI plaintiff’s attorneys who intentionally insert blank pages to separate medical records by treating providers....y’all are the real MVP’s.

like

Hey friends, has anyone found any good LGBTQ+ owned stores to support today (annual small business Saturday in the States)?

likeuplifting

How do y’all work with crappy briefs/single-minded ideas? Tight timeline, so I can’t really lobby to change it. But it’s super uninspiring and I’m struggling. 😭

What will be my variable pay and take home if my CTC 5.1LPA including variable pay. Please help.

like

Do you give a holiday gift / check to your admin / PAs and if yes, how much?

like

Hi All,

I got offer from one payroll company.
Current CTC is 14 and they are offering 21.

Work will be of Microsoft California and They are saying they may call to on site california with H1 sponsor after a year.

YOE 8+ .Net

Should I go for it?

like

This pin was on a coworkers cork board in her cubicle. Thoughts? Would you be offended and want it taken down? BTW, my firm has not said a word about all the racial reckoning happening now.

Post Photo
like

What resources, tools, and certifications have you used to become a better PM?

like

Additional Posts in Relationships

Is anyone having second thoughts about their current relationship?

like

Men - pls get this message out to your male friends who maybe in troubled relationships. If you have the nerve to hurt and upset someone you love , you should also muster courage to discuss the event. Just being sweet and pushing the event under the rug isn’t going to help.

likesmart

Can someone please explain this about what is expected from men? On the one hand men are expected to have 6 feet, 6 figures, 6 pack. No kids, must be funny, must be charming, must be a leader of something, must drive a car, must own their own house, must cook and clean, and so forth and so on. And on the other hand I keep hear women complaining that "the bar for men is sooo low"

So what is it really?

likefunny

Is your SO friends with their ex? Does it matter to you? Mine is and despite trying hard to accept the fact there is nothing between them, its hard for me to accept. It is impacting my relationship and he says he is not leaving his friends for me. How can i be more accepting of this situation?

like

How much to spend on engagement ring?

like

My spouse and I met at a rave 7 years ago. At the time we were dabbling in various recreational drugs (acid, mushrooms, weed, k, molly, alcohol etc), but over the years we've slowly cut back drug use.

I've always been v connected to the rave scene, and before I ever tried drugs I would attend events sober. These days, w my career and where I'm at in life, I'm back to going sober.

2months ago, he decided to white knuckle sobriety (except alcohol 🙄) and has become v judgemental of ravers contd

like

What should a couple talk about / what do you wish you and your s/o talked about before having a baby?

like

What made you realize that your SO was someone you saw forever with?

like

How does a marriage survive when one partner hates the parents of the other partner to the point they wished the parents dead?  Is it even possible for the marriage to survive such one sided hate?

like

How much do you spend for your partner’s birthday?

like

Where are single men looking for single ladies these days? Tinder/hinge and other swipe apps seems to be flooded by onlyfan-ers which is fine (you do you boo) but not something i am looking for in a potential partner.

like

Been w/ my bf 5.5 yrs, but I keep wondering when he's going to "get it together". He's been fired from 2 manager jobs in less than a year, one because he was caught doing coke there (off-duty). Now he's bartending under the table. I have huge concerns that he has serious drug/alcohol problems but it also just boils down to, does he want to improve? He's the kindest, sweetest person and we really love each other. But at some point I need my partner in his mid-30s to have a savings account 🤷‍♀️

like

My boyfriend and I already live together (I moved into his 1BR apartment this year), and we’re excited to get a new place together in early 2023. Any practical tips on how to decide what furniture to keep vs. replace? We’re still renting, so I’m inclined to just keep what we have. What pieces are worth buying new now vs. holding off until we have a more permanent place?

like

Grieving a long term relationship that just ended … thought it was ending in marriage. For those that have been married for a long time (any age group). Can you please share some of your wisdom towards sustaining a marriage for these many years and handling hard times ?

like

How long do you usually wait for the DTR talk? And do you have any tips for going about it?

Been seeing a guy from tinder 1-2 times a week for 7 weeks now. Have had sex once, which seems low for the talk, but I’m starting to catch a hard crush and want to bring it up before any more feelings come up.