{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Is it wrong to get your feelings hurt when someone does not appreciate a gift that you’ve spent real time, effort, money, etc to get? \n\nI bought my dad a high end Japanese specialty cooking knife for his birthday. Myself and my partner were so excited to give it to him. Really incredible craftsmanship and challenging to get here in the US….he did not seem to care at all. Obviously a mistake on our part, but now what?", "post_id": "62804beedba282003238bd86", "reply_count": 9, "vote_count": 2, "bowl_id": "5e8656b80bdab1002a7355dc", "bowl_name": "Confession ", "feed_type": "bowl" }
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Is it wrong to get your feelings hurt when someone does not appreciate a gift that you’ve spent real time, effort, money, etc to get?

I bought my dad a high end Japanese specialty cooking knife for his birthday. Myself and my partner were so excited to give it to him. Really incredible craftsmanship and challenging to get here in the US….he did not seem to care at all. Obviously a mistake on our part, but now what?

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You’re allowed to be upset. But you can’t control someone else’s feelings. Be excited that you are willing to put in the effort for someone else. But minimize expectations for the future. I’m sorry, I know how it feels

likesmart

Skipping the part where I'm still confused about "effort", you can't blame people for not meeting your expectations.

It's okay to feel hurt, but people do react differently - the key is to not create huge expectations, in a way you don't get very disappointed if those expectations are not met

likesmart

Exactly, you can’t feel hurt that he didn’t like it, just like he can’t feel hurt you didn’t pick the “perfect” gift. Also, there’s no such thing as the perfect gift, most people buy themselves what they want/need so gifts are supposed to be adventurous. I’m sure he appreciated the thought that went into it :)

smart

Are high end Japanese cooking knives something that you know he specifically likes and enjoys?

I think it’s not really fair to be annoyed at someone for not fully appreciating the gift you gave them unless he was rude. It’s like if someone gave you a $1000 fountain pen and you were not into pens at all, it would just be another pen to you. For the receiver, it likely comes across as odd more than anything else.

likesmart

Fair point L1, but in this case my parents are avid cooks and had been talking about getting a high end Japanese knife in this style for a long time. I assumed it was a safe choice (even asked my mom quietly before making the purchase). After I gave it to them they decided they liked the feel of other options better and put it in their random stuff cabinet.

Now I kinda want it back. If they are not going to use it I would love to have it. You can’t just let a tool of this caliber sit idle.

I understand feeling hurt about lack of appreciation for a gift you put a lot of thought and effort into. I bought a gift for my husband for Christmas one year that I was so excited about giving him. I thought he would love it and use it. He didn’t seem impressed and has never used it. It took all the joy out of gift giving for me. We don’t exchange gifts anymore. I don’t want to put in the effort if he doesn’t care.

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Maybe he has a tough time expressing appreciation and in receiving gifts. He will probably appreciate the fine gift when he uses it.

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