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Is there a “right” reason to want kids? There seem to be so many reasons not to. Why did 🐠 parents here decide to have them, and when was the right time in your career? (I’m a 30YO, F, manager)

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The right reason is that you want to bring a wonderful bundle of joy into the world, teach them how to be a good person, watch them grow up, and build a family and a legacy, grow old and eventually have grandkids and live a happy life. I always knew I wanted kids and it was the best decision ive ever made. Being a dad is way better than anything ive accomplished in my professional career. It’s all worth it.

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Logically, there probably isn't any reason to have children. Nor is there ever an ideal time. However, having children is an emotional choice usually between two people in love.

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Having kids is for people that find meaning in sharing their life with others (aside from a spouse). Passing legacy, wealth, knowledge. Find purpose in raising, uplifting, educating, and mentoring a young person.

If these things don't speak to you then kids probably aren't the right choice. However...I've heard that people don't really know they want or care about kids until they're holding their own child for the first time.

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I never wanted kids (ever) and my wife did. So of course we ended up having a baby. 1 year later my little girl is the light of my life and i could never imagine a life without her. Its been challenging for sure, but it is the most rewarding thing i will ever do. It also has allowed me to put my life in a healthier perspective. My career, while important, at the end of the day is just a job. I've reshuffled my priorities and ive never been happier

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This

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There is never a good time to have kids. Having them as a young female manager (late 20s) has probably slowed my trajectory and is more financially straining than if I were a partner. But some female partners that had babies were worried about taking "too much time off" and the effect it would have on their client relationships.

The best time to have kids is when YOU and your partner feel ready. It is a huge commitment that you can't "undo," but one that will enrich you life in ways you never thought possible.

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I was 24 when my first was born. I’m 34 now and I have definitely witnessed others pass me by in their careers because they chose to work extra, travel more (for work), attend informal work dinners with bosses and owners, etc. All the while, I worked hard and performed well, but did not network as much because I went home to help change diapers, feed, bathe, and spend time with wife and children. Finances are tighter than some but we don’t want for anything.
One benefit: I will be 46 when my youngest of three graduates High School while many of my peers will be nearly 60 when their first does.
I can tell you that children are exhausting. ;)
But I love every second. Jazz, tap, ballet, piano, chorus, football, basketball, cheerleading, school projects, birthday parties, beta club... the list goes on and seems to be a never ending full calendar. Love it!

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DINKs FOR LIFE!!!

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I think the only wrong reasons are selfish ones:
- You want a friend or a mini-me
- You want something that requires having a child
- You want affection

Having a child should be a selfless act. Children are a huge responsibility, but the world needs more children raised in a way that improves our species' chance of survival.

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No kidding. We literally need to outnumber antivaxers now so we don’t go extinct 😒

If you don’t have kids, the world will eventually be the product of other people’s kids only, especially people that have lots and lots of children. Is that the world you want to live in?

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Wondering if anyone is willing to admit that having/not having child was NOT the right choice for them post birth or no longer an option. If so, would you care to share why? I think we hear a lot from people who are happy with their decision to have or to not have a child. I’m curious to hear from people that would have went the other way knowing what they know now and it’s too late to turn back (either too late to have kids or you are already a parent).

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I love my kids but parenting sucks! Its hard! You are worried all the time, you don’t get enough sleep. You feel guilty all the time about not doing enough or not doing it right! I definitely think parenting is not for me. But I am here now and doing the best I can!

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Hormones drive the desire to procreate, just like other mammals.
Once you hit late middle age you will notice a decisive mental shift tied to hormone changes (espec women). All the sexual activity and associated games of dating begin to look hilarious, and not driven by reason!

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The reason to have kids is because you want a family and accept the work involved.

When my wife and I were deciding other parents downplayed the hassles, struggles and sacrifices. "It's easy...you won't have to give up anything" was common.

This was universal, like they were selling. Once we were past that age parents became very honest about how hard it really is.


Maybe people should admit it's hard, and tell others that it's worth it.

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There is no logical reason to have kids. If you don’t feel an emotional pull to have them, then don’t. Having kids is literally the hardest thing ever! Harder than anything I have ever done in my life.

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Sometimes I wonder why I ever had kids. And then I realize I was probably the same and snap out of it. Love mine! Do love teaching them and seeing them grow.

Whatever you do keep them out of restaurants and planes. Other than that you can take them anywhere

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Whether it is right or wrong, there are many unfulfilled desires you may have growing up as a child. You will get a gratification by "trying" to fulfill them through your kids. It is a philosophical angle and may not make sense to many.

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My mum: "Because I couldn't not have them. I was scared of having them, but more scared of the alternative."

Whereas I am the reverse.

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When I was younger, I knew I wanted to have children, first born before I turn 30. But after seeing more of the world and becoming more aware of how cruel humanity can be, I had doubts because of fear of the kind of world I will bring my child into. But my husband’s optimism and character influenced me and changed my negative perception. With him, I became confident that I can be a good mom and that together, we can raise a smart, kind, happy human who may make the world even just a slightly better place to live in. Being a parent gives me a different kind of hope.

How do you know how many you should have?

Don’t think there’s a right or wrong reason. I’m sure a tax break was the result of some kids. Most people where I’m from typically have the unplanned. Knocked up in HS, early in college, etc.

If you’re asking for a reason, then it’s probably not the right thing for you. From a purely logical point of view, it makes no sense. But emotionally and from a life growth perspective is a really rewarding experience.

As far as timing, there’s never great timing from a professional perspective because there’s always some fire burning, it can be really disruptive. Which means any time is a good time, and you just learn to or have to deal.

Purely an emotional need - not a logical one . Then comes the question on timing . We decided we wanted to have a kid earlier in life so that we can watch the kid grow and hopefully have more time with grandkids too while we are still in good health . Sure it slowed down career a bit - but looking back it doesn’t look like much of a sacrifice

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