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I started seeing a therapist last year after a friend told me that my work-related anxiety was starting to spiral. I’m somewhat healed on that front, but the gaslighting/isolation/etc.. that I’ve experienced in previous years has made me feel on edge constantly. A couple of individuals fxcked with my head, as they felt like they had to knock me down a peg or two, which impacted my confidence. I’m still my outgoing self, but it’s somewhat muted compared to how I was before. I miss my old self. There was a time earlier this year when Slack notifications from my division’s channel would make me feel like I was about to have a panic attack. I was also afraid to grow my network because the bad experiences I’d had before left me feeling like everybody hated me. I’ve now pushed past that by keeping to myself, focusing on my project-work and not engaging in the petty BS that coworkers try to throw me into. I’ve learnt to let go of individuals who aren’t adding value to my journey, and to be firm, yet professional.
Enthusiast
The sad thing is... so many people deal with this and don’t have a label/name for it. Kudos to you for recognizing an issue after it was brought to your attention and seeking help. ❤️
I feel like I’ve been suffering for the past 15 years, and it might have stunted my growth What brought you to that conclusion?
Yea. This has been me the majority of my career. Sometimes nothing happens at a new job, but I get anxiety from remembering the past and knowing I can’t trust anyone. Constant being on guard and strategizing my defense plan vs focusing on excelling. I always have felt like I can’t take it anymore. What has helped most is seeing my skillset as a life skills vs what’s going to get me hired somewhere. Realizing there are so many other ways to make money, and I don’t have to be a slave to how these people view me, and also positioning myself financially where it doesn’t matter.
This was me at my last employer. I started going to therapy. I knew it was real when I I had a very traumatic event happen to me in my personal life in relation to my health and I was leaving the doctors office worried about work and my terrible supervisor who was slacking me. I didn’t even take a break I went right back to the office fearing that if I didn’t I would have to face consequences. My old job made me question my self worth and my ability to do work. Truly had me believing I was performing below the bar and that if I didn’t conform I wouldn’t be successful. It was so bad that I would get triggered at work and start tearing up. I cried almost everyday. Honestly therapy, church and better relationship with Christ saved me. Prayer has me on the journey back to realizing no white woman (and the black women who decided to me inactive bystanders gaslighting me too) can tell me who I am or what I’m capable of. Oh and leaving, now that I’ve left whewwwww they are saying I did above and beyond and they can’t find anyone to replace me (go figure). Also I sang like a cannery at my exit interview and told them that my director and supervisor were incompetent micro aggressive confused ass people- my not help them but it helped me.