It seems partners are much more flexible with associates who have kids than with those who don’t. If it’s okay for my colleague with a kid to leave at 5 pm and log on later, why isn’t that the same for me (no kids)? My obligations might be different, but I still have a life and want to be able to do certain things, like catch that evening workout class or cook dinner for my partner. As you can probably tell, my firm is operating 100% in person. There is no point here — I’m just whining.

Small-firm practitioner here (30s, M, biglaw refugee, no kids, not married), so my perspective may be inapplicable to many of you. In our firm, compensation is mostly based on revenue— and the partners don’t really care to keep track of when we come and go. The philosophy is basically: “You’re an adult and this is your practice. As long as your work gets done, we don’t care when you do it.” For associates with kids, it’s great because they have flexibility. It’s also great for me. I end up billing more (and therefore making more) than some of the more senior associates who have kids. At the same time, if I need or want a Friday off I can take it without having to justify where I’m going or why I’m out. The issue I see here is that firms often treat associates like children who need to be supervised at all times. It has less to do with parents getting preferential treatment than it does with firms infantilizing associates (or worse, treating them like indentured servants) and expecting them to justify every minute that they’re not actively sitting at their desk.

I’m glad to see there is a silent majority. I feel like I’ve always had to bite my tongue and act okay with parents (not all, there are some that are respectful to others who choose a different lifestyle, but many) who think just because they have kids their lives (and time) are more important than others. God forbid you insinuate that you don’t care about someone else’s kids as much as they might. I’m also happy to see that other people are choosing not to have children. Most people still can’t comprehend why that would be my choice and, if I had a dollar for everyone I heard “but you’ll change your mind,” I would have a couple hundred dollars at least. Also for those who don’t know, there is a “childfree” (might be childless, I’ll have to check) bowl on FB and honestly I’ve never met a group of people I connected with more.

Because the kid is an affirmative obligation of the associate, whereas your flexibility is a convenience. As an attorney parent, I would much prefer to work straight through until 6:30-7 and then have my evening to myself, rather than leave at 5:15, get the kid settled by 6:30 and then work through dinner in order to log the same hours as my childless colleagues. Leaving to pick up the kid is a minimal accommodation; we have the same hours and fee realization requirements as you do.

You can do those things? In my experience parents get the time because they ask for it and treat it as non-negotiable (because it isn't). If you want to go do something you need to treat it as non-negotiable. If you are worried about the impact on your career and choose not to put your foot down, then it's negotiable. Only you will set your boundaries. But parents keep their boundaries because their children literally need them. I don't literally need to grab drinks with a friend on a Tuesday so usually I don't set a hard boundary. Just depends on your priorities really

People‘s reproductive choices should have no bearing on flexibility at work. And childless people may have a myriad of affirmative obligations that are not child-related. Doesn’t make them any less valid.

I’ve experienced this as well, and I 100% relate to your feelings. I don’t have kids, but I do have a dog (and a partner, and hobbies, and friends/family, etc.). I don’t ask to leave at a certain time, and I don’t tell my partners I’m leaving. I just go when I need to. I check my emails after I get home and respond appropriately. Maybe I just got lucky and have partners who “get it,” but I feel like everyone knows I’m available as needed even when I’m not physically in the office.

Just go do whatever you want to do. The other associate chose to have a parasite. Or you can out-bill and outperform them and they won’t make partner.

A11: Exactly. In my experience, the 20- and 30- somethings without children who are complaining about working parents will always find something to complain about because they are always worried about what the other gal/guy is getting that they are not, as opposed to worrying about their own work ethic. They are more selfish. Less flexible, lying about where they are and whether they can help out in a pinch, and generally less of a team player with their colleagues. I will take a working parent any day as they are generally more skilled at keeping mire balls in the air and straightforward about what they need to make a plan work.

Just do whatever you want to do. We are all adults. I am NEVER in the office past 5 unless I’m mid fire drill and cannot spend the 15 minutes it takes to commute. I do not ask permission. I just leave.

The people on this thread who fail to recognise that having kids is a choice are killing me. You wanna have kids? Great! But don’t then come back and think it’s some amazingly virtuous thing that I should bend over backwards to accommodate if you have no interest in ensuring I also have a life. The world doesn’t need more kids, so this is a choice that you’ve made, for you. You wanted a baby, you made a baby - so own it and stop thinking your choice is more important than others who may not have or want kids.

Those defending discriminatory actions against childless colleagues need to take a hard look at their heteronormativity.

This is the most intense thread I’ve been a part of. I think we can all agree that this profession is trash for WLB and that nobody should use their personal circumstances to get out of work at the expense of peers.

I’m a mom and have left when I needed to leave even before having kids. It doesn’t have to be a kid thing. It’s an I’m an adult and have a life outside of work thing. Even now having kids, I don’t say, “I have to do x for my kids.” I say, “I’m not available at that time, but I can do it this other time,” just as I did before I had kids, whether I was unavailable because of a client meeting or dinner with my husband. As long as you get the work done, why should any of this matter?

I've stopped responding to emails from parents at 9pm. By then I've already billed 12 hours. They can wait until I start at 8am the next day.

Married with two kids. Expected to bill the same and do bill more than most of my peers. I work from 7:30 - 12 almost daily and then two hours between 5:30-7:30 when the kids wake up. The grind is real. You have no idea what your colleagues with young kids are experiencing.

I just want to say that I have no hard feelings toward my colleagues with kids and understand the need for accommodation. Maybe this comes down to my firm’s culture because I don’t feel I can advocate for myself (i.e. set boundaries) in the same way they can. Ultimately, in my specific situation, at my firm, my work-life balance takes a backseat to that of the associates with kids.

I feel this. I’m gay and although I know some gay couples have children, it’s not nearly as common and not something my partner and I are contemplating anytime soon. I honestly feel shortchanged when parents get special perks like more flexible schedules, parental leave, and childcare benefits. I’d prefer that everyone get the same time off and benefits (or cash equivalent) and they can choose what to use on: raising kids, Traveling , learning a new language, visiting parents, volunteering , etc. It’s as if the business community has made a value judgment that having kids is a more worthy endeavor than any of those other valid choices.

I remember having to watch a panel of moms at a conference. All they talked about was how no one gets it, co-workers are so inconsiderate to parents, co-workers need to accommodate parents, BUT it is sexist to ask about their kids. At the end of it, I told them that having a kid is a personal decision outside of work.

I sympathize with your plight as I was once a childless adult myself, and often observed the powers that be straining to ensure people with families got to have Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc. off, while childless people were expected to cover for them. However, now that I’m a parent, I understand the needs for flexibility and accommodations. You will eventually have kids and will also appreciate the flexibility and accommodations. If you don’t plan on having kids, consider that your coworkers kids will eventually be paying your social security.

You’re blaming parents for your inability to set boundaries with more senior lawyers. That’s a you problem.