I’ve a habit of choosing narcissistic, selfish, smart guys. I become the giver in relationship losing myself. How do I judge people better? I get that exp helps, but would love some input.

1. You are constantly accommodating their schedule 2. You find yourself “waiting by the phone” for them to call or text (and putting off other plans because of it) 3. You feel dumb around them...constantly (because girl— you’re not dumb so if you feel this way it’s red flag nation) 3. You start to feel low key self conscious 4. You start explaining away bad behavior 5. You feel like you can’t voice your opinion or feelings without it turning into a “thing” 6. All or most of your time is spent in his sphere: his place, his friends, his favorite restaurants, his favorite bars, watching his shows or movies, etc. 7. He doesn’t want to meet or hang out with your friends 8. He’s not interested in meeting other important people in your life (family, colleagues at a work event, etc) 9. You find yourself saying “he’s a great guy BUT...” a lot. Truly great guys don’t need a qualifier very frequently

I used to operate this way, because I didn’t have the self esteem to believe THEY were lucky to be with ME - I only ever thought the reverse, and I had to go out of my way to “keep them.” Now I expect a partner that would be just as willing to hold and support me, as I am them. Their actions are what give this away, not words, not promises, not hope on your part.

Definitely look for red flags (that they're toxic, creepy, unstable, etc.) and don't go in a relationship thinking you can fix someone. Of course they don't need to be perfect, but they also shouldn't be someone you're actively trying to fix if that makes sense.

Agree with BCG1, when you believe you deserve better and will not accept anything less, you will receive what you want. Your awareness is a huge step. Congratulations. You are well on your way!

If he talks about himself majority of the date or mentions how he is “different”. When he asks you about yourself, questions are brief and not followed up and you’re back to talking about him lol. If he leaves you feeling “how could someone like him be with me”. RUN ( this list applies both ways)

You have to work on yourself first. Like BCG1 said, you need to develop your self-confidence outside of a relationship so that you can easily spot when to walk away from these guys. What worked for me was to build a fun rewarding life that didn’t include a man, so that I’m protective of my friends/hobbies/habits and the men I date do things I want to do in addition to what they want. And, I now inherently know what I’m not willing to put up with and leave the second they cross those lines.

As someone who has just exited a 2 year relationship with a genuine narcissist, let me tell you narcissistic abuse is real. Get some help and build your self-value to stop repeating the same behavior. Lovebombing, gaslighting, discarding, games, it’s all part of it. The flags are there. Stop lying to yourself and realize you deserve more than this. You are valued, you are loved.

A guy who exclusively likes to poke holes and be generally combative but says he is "just playing devil's advocate" is a good sign of someone who I don't want to be with because they are obsessed with how annoying they can be

Congratulations P1!!! You must feel so strong for leaving!