I've always been p front about my mental health. I believe it's nothing to be ashamed of and if I feel like I'm getting overwhelmed/going through mental slump I want my coworkers to know I'm not dropping the ball for no reason. My day to day manager recently expressed that I don't need to explain myself bc it's my personal business. While I appreciated it, I kind of felt like he was more uncomfortable than I was. How do yall balance being transparent about mental health vs keeping it personal?

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I’ve found the way people respond depends on relationship with the person, how much detail is divulged, when you communicate that info, and your tone in the conversation.

For example, if you’ve already had a more in depth conversation about the types of things you struggle with, no need to hash it out in excruciating detail when you’re in the middle of a slump. I find people are likely to get more uncomfortable when they think you’re over sharing or if it feels very serious (obviously if it is serious, ask for what you need).

The solution will vary depending on the person but with a past supervisor I was decently close with, the weather system was a good way to communicate where I was at. We had an upfront convo where I shared a bit about what I struggle with and how that sometimes manifests at work and talked about how to give him a heads up. Not that it’s daily updates or anything but if there was a particularly challenging day, all I had to do was send a quick gchat “hey just a heads up. today’s feeing a bit like a thunderstorm/cloudy/etc”

Then I’d follow up with “here’s what’s on my plate. X I’m good to move forward with no issue. Y may take me a bit longer than anticipated” or whatever it is that I needed.

Because we already established a code, a quick chat kept things casual, didn’t overshare, let them know exactly what felt doable, and opened the floor for convo

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That is incredibly smart and simple! Well done in navigating this and finding a system that supports you.

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It’s a tough one. Maybe your manager is trying to say you don’t have to reveal your private health issues in order for them to take you seriously. For example, if you need to take a sick day you shouldn’t have to go into detail of your specific illness. I don’t have a solution but maybe think through what you are asking for and what you need from your manager.

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Can you give us an example of how and when you communicate/explain these issues at work?

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Thanks so much for the responses! What led me to post this originally was that I had put a recurring block of time for my therapy appointment so that he and my CD would know I would be unavailable. He contacted me one on one to say that in the future I don't have to reveal any specifics for needing time off (I guess I could have just said "appointment" and left it at that).

I took my first "mental health" day last month and some of my coworkers, including this manager asked how I was doing. This time I didn't specify anything when talking to my team, I simply said I wasn't feeling well and was taking the day off. I know I'm probably reading too far into this but I did notice that my female coworkers were much more receptive and empathetic when I expressed that I just needed a day off mentally but when my d2d manager and I spoke he asked how I was doing and I said something to the effect of "eh, getting better" and he asked "you don't have COVID symptoms do you?" and then I didn't know what to say because I wasn't physically sick.

So I guess I'm just confused with this one particular manager. If I go into too much detail, he lets me know that I don't have to but if I don't, then I end up having to explain myself anyway or feel like there's some miscommunication. I feel like if I had recurring physical therapy or something like that, it wouldn't be a big deal but because I'm talking about my mental health regimen it seems to trigger him (which, maybe he's on his own journey so I understand to be sensitive in that respect).

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I’m just guessing that he’s not as comfortable or familiar with mental health issues as you. He’s projecting that it is uncomfortable for you to disclose you’re going to therapy, so he wanted to let you know you don’t have give a reason for that time off. Then he hears you need a day off and completely forgets what he said before about disclosing because it doesn’t occur to him it could be for mental health reasons. It doesn’t sound like he is holding anything against you - I think he’s just being a little awkward. He might not be the best person to share with, not that you should be ashamed by any means.

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I say let them be uncomfortable. I’m not saying you should get into the gritty details of your health, mental or otherwise, but if you say “I have a therapy appointment” and someone squirms, that’s their problem. I feel like they’ll be uncomfortable now, but will become less so the more they hear it. And that’s the goal.

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Depends on why you’re mentioning it and what you expect them to do with that information. Are you asking the business to make some changes to your workload/ give you accommodations due to your mental health challenges?

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I think you are overthinking all of this. You don’t owe your manager or anyone the reason you are out. Women tend to tell the reason, men do not. And i have told many women over the years this fact. Don’t tell them. They don’t need to know. It’s work, not a friendship. That’s what he may have been trying to say: that men don’t tell him why they are out and you don’t need to either. But in a pandemic, asking of you have Covid if you report being unwell is very reasonable. And has nothing to do with the prior conversation about PTO time and details.

Then he was being a good manager and coaching you to not reveal more than you need to, and now he’s being a human who just is worried about the spread of Covid. Or likely has a mandate from management above him to alert them if someone has it.

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