I’ve been alone for so long sometimes it only feels natural to be by myself. But recently, the feeling of loneliness is starting to exacerbate my depression and burnout. I feel so stagnant

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I’ve learned to enjoy sadness because that’s the only emotion I’m deserving to feel. Happiness is too fleeting, and always results in anger and sadness right after. Everything in life has made me feel so apathetic. Nothing really matters anymore. It’s not even sadness, I feel bad bringing my problems to other people, so I’ve stopped telling people of how I feel- the feeling of apathy, darkness, and general ambiguity. I feel like my entire existence is like a shadow, looming over others, haunting their happiness while I live in the abyss.

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I think I’ve been so good at hiding my problems for so long, no one can really help. They told me to talk to a therapist, so I did. And the therapist told me there’s nothing wrong with me, and that everything is fine. They tell me this while I witness my entire life up in flames, one which I watch from the sidelines in horror- and one which I could do something about, but I’m just so tired- nothing I do now could fix it. I’ve been living with this burden I carry while everyone around me thinks I handle my life well; what they don’t realize is it’s not going well. I’m merely compensating with even more things, wear myself thin, so that you can’t see what’s underneath: a dysfunctional human being whose every endeavor is only a version of failure.

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I don’t really know what to say besides this is a translation of what I feel as well. Not sure if it will help, but if you would like to talk to someone who understands this well, feel free to DM

uplifting

It’s the same OP with me as well. Am 34 now but in my 20s I prioritized work and work and work...to the point that I never felt lonely. Wouldn’t commit to relationships (never ever cheated or did anything I know of as immoral/ unethical) and today after this May years feel exactly the way you do. I feel I’ve lost my life. But when I go to work it’s 180 degree opposite. So know that you are not alone... some of us are in the same boat. Hang in there! You’ll do well.

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I feel this

I’m just so tired of doing things to the best of my ability, and only having that fail. Over and over and over again. Nothing I pursue works out, at this point, I might as well not try and save myself the heartache in the future. A vicious cycle.

OP, your story sounds exactly the same as mine - not sure if it helps but DM me if you’d like to chat.

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