I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a year but he still hasn’t told his parents about me. It’s not a cultural/religious thing but I am his first serious girlfriend (he’s 38 and I’m 32) due to him having commitment issues in the past. We spend 5/7 nights a week together. He tells his parents that he was doing this or that with friends/coworkers when in reality it was with me. He’s close-ish with his parents, talks to his mom almost daily so feel like the fact they don’t know about me is a bad sign?

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So it’s not just that he doesn’t talk about you, but he actively lies about what he’s doing, so he doesn’t have to say he’s with you? That is not a good sign. When put in that light, he’s literally lying to his parents who he is supposedly close to - that behavior for almost a year is concerning.

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Which country is he from?

The man is outright lying. For a whole year. There is no reality in which he tells his parents about you. He is not going to be like, "Hey, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend. We've been together for a year and not only have I never mentioned her, I have actively lied about her existence. Daily. For a year. But she's really great and I think you should meet her now!"

Leave him, sis.

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Yeah when you put it like that it’s pretty clearly bad. I’m just shocked I guess. I only just put two and two together that he has been essentially hiding me, and it hurts cause he’s met my entire family and I’m just nobody to him

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My lean is that he still has some commitment issues to work through, otherwise it wouldn’t be as big of a deal to mention the relationship to his parents.

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38 is too old to have these issues. He's a grown man and has been for 13 years now.
He's either not serious, not sure, or not an adult. Only you can know that answer.

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Brains evolve out of adolescence at 25.

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🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

He’s 38.

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He might have a wife, another girlfriend who his parents know, or he’s simply not serious about you and doesn’t see you in his future (hence he doesn’t want to mention your existence). Men stick around for a while knowing they won’t marry you, until they find something else.

Maybe I am wrong but something is very weird about this situation. “commitment issues” isn’t the reason.

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Is he Indian?

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He has serious, serious issues. This is beyond “commitment issues.” And what a disrespect to you AND his parents to constantly lie to them about you. No way in hell I’d put up with this. At this point, how does he even introduce you ever without admitting he’s been lying about your relationship for this long? It’s just bizarre.

You deserve so much better

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Have you asked him why he hasn’t told them? Have you explained it is bothering you? I also never tell my family about any of my partners- the longest being a 4 year relationship and we lived together with a dog. It’s not because I have commitment issues, it’s because I’m not super close with my parents and don’t plan on having them really involved in my life in the future. I’ve seen how judgmental they are with my siblings partners, and want to avoid that. Maybe there’s a reasons he knows that you don’t. The lying thing is a red flag though. You shouldn’t feel like you’re being hidden or that he’s embarrassed to be with you.

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The minute you break it off I bet he will tell his parents. Dont be scared. Do it. And if he doesnt then you cannot go on like this.

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So I asked him about it, and he said it’s because his mom would ask too many questions and be obsessive with the topic/too much in his business. He said he wants us to meet first (they live in another state so hasn’t happened yet) but I don’t really know if I buy that especially given his ease with lying. Idk just seems like a weak excuse since it’s been over a year now. He’s not in therapy but I definitely think he needs to be because what is his deal, like is this some kind of sign of a personality disorder? I’m not sure what to do about the relationship because not only does it hurt but I’m kinda put off by it, you’re a grown ass man, stop acting like a child.

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I also don’t like to tell my mom about my relationships because she is extremely invasive and asks so many questions and stresses me out. Given that I am a 25F and would still tell my parents about a SO within a few months atleast

🚩🚩🚩🚩 firm believer of keeping things private especially when it comes to relationships, but this is just disrespectful to you and his parents. Like what if you ever do meet them, is he going to admit that he has been lying for a whole year or is he going to want to pretend you just met? Either way it’s bizarre and honestly a huge turn off to see how easily he lies. One day he could just as easily be lying to you, everyday. It’s not worth it. Leave him

Also just adding- it would be a different story if he had a strained relationship with his family but it sounds like that isn’t the case, and that they are actually quite close. So really bad.

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Has he gone to therapy/is he willing to go to therapy? Because at 38, he should be able to tell his parents that he has a gf, especially after a year. This is beyond commitment issues.

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Did you ask him and if so, what was his response?

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Does he bring you around friends and coworkers?

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He’s almost 40 and still acting like this?!!!!

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🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

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Yeah that’s weird

Well, just ask why? And what about his friends/ siblings - anyone?

How are you just realizing this after a year? That seems like a long time for this to go unnoticed.

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