I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about a little over a year and all of a sudden it’s like a switch has flipped and this narcissistic person who I’ve never seen before has emerged. Have any of you ever experienced anything like this?

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Narcissists spend all their time pretending to be exactly who you want them to be so they can manipulate you. They don’t even have a real personality beyond a hunger for attention and accolades. Eventually, inevitably, the mask wears thin and falls off. I have learned this the hard way too many times, my dad has NPD and I have daddy issues, I have fallen for a few NPD guys! I’m betting the stresses and extra time spent together in quarantine made your SO drop the facade. Also, I am soooo sorry you have to deal with that, narcissists do a number on you, but also it is a gift when someone shows you their true self!

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D2, my best friend went through a similar situation and i had to help her get out of it when her son was 2. When she was pregnant the first sign was when her ex said “I want you to love me more than the baby” she thought he was joking but it just got worse as the baby came and she started caring for their son. Ex was furious. The son is 13 now and hasn’t seen his father in 4 years with the last time they saw each other the Ex said to a freaking 9 year old “we could have had something special, but you ruined it. I just don’t think you love me enough” and walked out. That poor kid has had so much anxiety and issues. OP, get out while you can!

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@OP i have been sucked in by two different guys who are just as described. For me, I think it was after the initial sex haze cleared that i saw their change more clearly. I hung on tight "because he's great, but..." i lost YEARS because the first six months were awesome. I wish so bad I could have pulled myself out earlier. That quote "when someone shows you who they are believe them." Is so true. I wanted both those knuckleheads to be "the one" so badly I tried to focus on their good and even believed their gaslighting bullshit. A term I didn't learn til years later, and was like, oh? That's real. Get. Out. Cut it. Stop. Clean. Break. Good luck. It's a rough road ro get over someone you love but know you shouldn't/bc you deserve greatness. Be the friend (to yourself) that says, "that is unacceptable!"

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I appreciate you sharing your experience. Thank you.

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I appreciate everyone’s willingness to share their insights and personal stories. The weekend was a little rough, Valentine’s Day and all. I’ve blocked/deleted him in all the places to avoid any possibility of him trying to creep back in.

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@OP i want details about the break up convo. What truths did you spill? What was his response?

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Yesss omg get out while you can! All of a sudden my ex decided to rob me and move out and would call me and basically terrorize me telling me that I’m worthless and I need him and that he’s outside my home. Absolutely psychotic! You can’t save a narcissist. At least you found out now!! Wishing you nothing but happiness and a calm peace of mind.

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I’m a Scorpio 🌚🌝

Are you dating my ex?

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Yeah - love bombing is basically anything to make you feel good EXCEPT for taking responsibility for their actions. Good example - instead of saying “im sorry” they’ll say “im sorry you feel that way”

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The gaslighting? The possessiveness? The complete disregard of your own needs? The sabotaging? The personality hujacking? Get. Out.

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So many stong love warriors in this thread. I think it's important to have people tell you, "no that is not okay." Probably my friends at the time did, but not loud enough for me to hear.

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Aw❤️ love this

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Bait and switch, classic move. You will want to stay to see if the first persona will come back, but it won’t. You’ll get crumbs, but that’s it. Just leave. Never stay for potential, stay for what’s there. If there’s nothing there, there’s nothing to stay for.

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LISTEN TO THIS.

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Not personally but my best friend did.
She really struggled to reconcile who she thought he was and who he turned out to be, especially since she was in love with the man she originally knew. She kept hoping that he would change back.

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@Designer 1

Thank you.

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Been there a few times. He’s been that way the whole time - just took a while to get exposed. Narcissists are masters as gas-lighting and manipulating their partners. I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this. Get out fast and go no-contact. Good luck, sending you strength.

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Seconding this. I rode the gaslighting/manipulating/love-bombing roller coaster for three years. He dealt some serious emotional damage. The only way to deal with someone who is narcissistic is to go absolute no contact.

Slice this person out of your life and block them everywhere you possibly can.

You can do this. Also, look into a good therapist to help.

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Yes. I married that guy. Then two kids and 6 years later, left him. Get out now. And if you’re don’t believe me, do the research on NPD. It’s a mental illness. Check out the quora thread on it

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Same but with no kids. The imposter syndrome (about myself) is real. YEARS of denying what I’ve said or done and spinning the story. I’m stronger now but the self doubt is creeping up.

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Yes. I dated someone for 4 years, and towards the last two years, his insecurities came out and he was gaslighting me, emotionally and mentally abusing me (I had no idea), and kept correcting my grammar in front of his friends and my friends (he didn’t graduate college but I went to a prestigious college, his way of telling me he’s still smarter and better than me without finishing college). Toxic AF. Get out now, his true side is showing and you thank your lucky star he showed his true self at the one year mark. But also for you safety and mental health, see a therapist to help you talk through some of the emotional trauma. Good luck 🙏🏼.

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Agree with everything being said here.
🏃‍♀️RUN
I was with my ex for 12 years. It was all real subtle until we got married and he thought I’d never leave him. Was very validating when he admitted to me, when we were first separated, that he’d never change

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Yes, and found out he was cheating on me

What behaviors are you dealing with?

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SW1 - you’re totally right. Eventually it would have been something monumental

Remember that “dating” is going out and spending time getting to know someone in order to see if they make you happy. He has ceased to do so. You have your data, make your decision: do you like the relationship right now? No. Dump him. The relationship you had before is not relevant information. It no longer exists!

If you were married, you’d have further steps to take to try to repair things, but for a BF of a year? Nah. Next.

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I write up my long take of woe in a sub thread. Lol. Seriously, run away. Everyone is giving such great advice here. I wish I had that kind of information back then. The advice someone gave — best way to deal with an NPB is no contact — IS THE BEST. they are borderline sociopaths. No contact is going to be the only way to get away.

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Just want to underscore what someone said about potentially losing years of your life, looking back on a few good months. I’m now 36, I’ve had a rich and fulfilling dating life. But I deeply regret spending too much time trying to figure out men who had already moved on and/or stopped fulfilling my needs.
Good luck!

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In a weird way I’m grateful this happened during the course of the pandemic. 2020/2021 are kinda “lost years” by definition so I feel less like I’ve wasted the 1.5 years I spent with him. Does that make sense?

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Get ouuuuutttttttttttt! Save yourself!

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@ACD OP: Please give us an update! I’m invested in your well-being.

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Yep. That is their technique. They start by Love bombing, getting you used to love and affection. And then retract. Give you bits and pieces. Starve you from their affection. Just so they’re in control, so you feel wanting more and start seeking validation from them. And before you know it. You lost your sense of self and your self worth, it all belongs to him now.

You caught the dynamic right on time. Get out.

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So accurate it's scary 👆🏼

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