I’ve been feeling abnormally hollow recently. A close friend unexpectedly passed, parent had COVID (recovered thank god), and just general malaise from the state of the world. I watched Love, Victor on Hulu on Monday and it has thrown me into a depressive torrent. I just look back on my own coming out (over 10 years ago) and realize how much I’ve let the perils of being gay dominate me. Missed opportunities, low self-esteem, and a gaping hole where a healthy adolescence was supposed to fit. Cont

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OP If you haven’t already tried it, I think therapy could be really beneficial for you, especially since you said you find value in reflecting on the past. You’d be able to do this in therapy with someone who is trained to see patterns that you’re possibly missing. Also, they’d be able to provide helpful ways of reframing your experiences that can help soften the depressive torrents you mentioned.

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You can’t change the past. Focus on your future.

uplifting

Ya, what’s tricky is that i keep finding myself falling into these feelings of inadequacy, and then i think i “fix” them, and then find myself having the same negative feelings and self-view as the prior bout. I feel like investigating the past helps better educate me on what i can do to prevent this from happening going forward. But nostalgia is both a blessing and a curse. I should be grateful for everything i do have but...I’m just not.

I feel you ☹️ I stopped watching Love, Victor because it was triggering me quite a bit.

Echo the other folks that mention therapy - it’s changed my life.

I promise there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Feel free to DM me if you wanna talk :)

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100% this. I imagine what I’d tell myself if I could go back in time and how different life would be. But you and I know it’s futile. To regret the past is to let being gay continue to rob you of happiness in your present too. That said it sounds like you’ve been through some very tough times recently. I second the suggestion of speaking to a therapist. Know that your experiences are valid and it’s ok to ask for help.

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Anyone else feel like this? Like you have everything that you’re supposed to have (career, spouse, health), but still can’t forgive the robbery of the early part of your life to being closeted? I just wish i had grown up in a time and place where the shame of being gay didn’t prevent me from developing a healthy esteem and sense of self. I relate so much to these romanticized characters in these stories (nice guy, all-american boy), and just hate myself for not having the authenticity to be myself sooner.

Yup going thru some similar experiences

Would love to hear more about your feelings and how you’ve been able to cope (or how you’ve not been able to cope) with them.

You can’t live in the past / and you can’t change it.
You can’t live in the future / but you can think about what you’re doing today that can affect it.

You do have to live in the present / and be present.

Yes to therapy. Yes to thinking about the future. But still, I feel left out having never had a relationship, wondering who will take care of me when I get older, and worrying that I’m too focused on career and shallow hobbies and travel since I don’t have a family of my own.

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