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My psychologist got all over me about how harsh my inner monologue is on myself. She has pushed me to use a kinder inner voice, and got me to read Kristin Neff’s research on self compassion. It has helped me significantly.
Yes! Kristen Neff is so good.
A couple of thoughts:
1. It would probably be good to understand why you do this, how significant it is and whether it permeates into other areas of your life the way you don’t want it to.
2. Tactically, I’d do two things:
a. Practice your intro and have a few positive bullets in your head prepared.
b. Be mindful and try to catch yourself and stop from doing it. I used to do it with compliments - didn’t know how to take one. People would say something nice and I’d self deprecate. I went with simple approach or just saying thank you. That’s easy enough because you don’t have to come up with a clever response, so maybe try that.
Good luck! You’re one of a kind and you will be the only one consistent thing in your life. Make peace with yourself.
Vent to a therapist. They are paid to listen to you venting. Once you get all the negative stuff of your chest, then you can change your behavior
I don’t agree with this, for both you as a patient or for the therapist. I say this having trained as a triage counsellor for suicidal people. They are not paid to be vented at; we had people on the suicide lines who could literally vent at you for 45 minutes without stopping - this does not help them. The counsellor or psych’s role is to help the patient address the damaging mental patterns they are in, with the goal of changing them. Venting in and of itself may indeed be a symptom of a problematic pattern. Feels good in the short term but doesn’t bring about long term improvement.
Track your thought with a thought journal. E.g. if you've been in a bad mood for a few hours try to remember the initial thought that initiated bad mood. Therapist suggested to do it and I was amazed my how negative I was to myself. Awareness was my first step in trying to fix my toxic inner monologue