{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "I’ve been sober about 14 months, and now with things opening up more I’ve been going out to dinner, concerts etc with friends. I’ve been finding it hard to have fun, or not get restless while out. I think a large part of this is maybe I find the company around me boring? and they’re also all drinking. Maybe I just needed to write that out and vent to say, I’m bored! Maybe saying that out loud will help me get out of my comfort zone to find new activities that change my outlook.", "post_id": "616dce3c98718f00252f70f9", "reply_count": 11, "vote_count": 11, "bowl_id": "5c72ee1905e86a001b59b82f", "bowl_name": "Addiction & Sobriety" }

I’ve been sober about 14 months, and now with things opening up more I’ve been going out to dinner, concerts etc with friends. I’ve been finding it hard to have fun, or not get restless while out. I think a large part of this is maybe I find the company around me boring? and they’re also all drinking. Maybe I just needed to write that out and vent to say, I’m bored! Maybe saying that out loud will help me get out of my comfort zone to find new activities that change my outlook.

likesmart
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Don’t discount the overall impact of Covid on how the mind works. We’re all a little messed up from the forced isolation, the constant hum of anxiety, and the barrage of harmful news stories. Give yourself some time to find your equilibrium again, and never hesitate to say “no thanks” or to leave early, as others have mentioned. At around the 14 month mark of sobriety I could literally feel my personality changing. Be patient with yourself, forgive any drunken dumb friends, and keep doin’ what you’re doin’. Sobriety is a new way of life that is totally worth it, we just need to fumble around in the dark until we find the light switch.

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Thanks for saying that. That really helps. I know I need to be patient with all the internal and external change. and also accept what I can’t change, but change what I can (ie use this as an opportunity to explore what excites me sober) I think deep deep down I’m just worried I’ll be bored forever, but rationally I know that’s not true. Things will always wax and wane, and that’s okay. Happy to be sober, some boredom is always better than the unmanageable craziness of the alternative

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Stay in the company of those who are doing positive things!

likesmart

I'm cool being around people drinking responsibly. It will never be easy (or at least has not been yet) for me to be around people getting visibly drunk and I always opt to leave when that happens.

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I’ve been sober for way less time than you have but I feel similarly. I’ve been developing the ability to shamelessly leave social settings when I’m over them.

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Congrats on your sobriety!! I’ve always been so impressed by folks who got sober during the pandemic, it’s incredible!! In response to your message, I totally feel the boredom. If you go to AA there’s a good part in the big book about going out with friends. I’m paraphrasing but it talks about that I can go anywhere and do anything but it comes down to “my motive”. Am I trying to live vicariously? Am I trying to prove that even though I’m sober it doesn’t mean I’m not cool? Both of which I have done btw and I’ve had an emotional hangover after. This is where it changed for me. Do I have a good reason for going? Ex I get to see a dear friend I have missed, or the food is incredible. No sober person wants to hang out and watch ppl drink it’s boring AF. Lol Lastly, and I apologize for the novel but I have been there and its so hard. Find the things that bring you joy. You know, like warms your heart. For me, I have an 11 year old lab who LOVES hiking and walks. As Marie Kondo says, it’s sparks so much joy watching him explore. I also love getting my nails done/self care stuff. And GOOD connections with friends I WANT to see. All of this to say this is actually a really exciting time for you to meet yourself. What do you like, what do you not like? Sending all of the love and light to you ♥️

likeuplifting

I can honestly say, yes, you get extremely bored but you have to do things that interest you and keep busy! Find groups that you can take an interest in! Do not allow being bored to allow you to forget that youre in recovery and its part of the process!

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It doesn’t sound like you’re part of a recovering network? Are you in the fellowship AA or NA?

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I struggled with this too, and every time I go to a new group those old anxieties pop back up. The best approach, for me, is to short circuit my brain and just say “yes” to whatever’s being asked of me. I’ve learned that we’re all awkward and scared and weird and uncomfortable. :) Accepting that dinner invitation or saying yes to a sober party, can be the difference between enjoying sobriety and being lonely and miserable. The fun is in the fellowship. Several times I’ve wanted to say “no” but I went anyway, and it turned into the most beautiful thing. A sober poker night introduced me to a new best friend, and an outdoor covid-safe meeting at a sponsor’s house created a bond between the group that is stronger than any I’d ever felt before. Sometimes it helps to acknowledge your anxiety about fellowship out loud. I promise that several people with come up to you and empathize and show you love that will be undeniable.

likeupliftinghelpful

I’ve had to cut people out of my life and it’s been liberating. Now I’m just trying to find new activities that inspire me. I’m a teacher so resting has been the main thing on my mind 😂

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