{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "I’ve finally woken up and realized that I missed out on love and having my own family in exchange for fighting my way out of poverty and “making it” to McK. Upon reflection it wasn’t worth it.", "post_id": "6058133e576c2d002a596a4d", "reply_count": 105, "vote_count": 53, "bowl_id": "58f82700c1ca28001625dc30", "bowl_name": "Black Consultants " }

I’ve finally woken up and realized that I missed out on love and having my own family in exchange for fighting my way out of poverty and “making it” to McK. Upon reflection it wasn’t worth it.

likehelpfulsmart
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Sorry to hear that...Many of us old timers can relate, yet you must remember two things 1) there is still time, love and family are still options for you...Yes it will look different now than it would have in your 20s but as long as you live there is time 2) Making it to MKC from “poverty” makes you a powerful symbol and inspiration to all of those ppl who look like you. You have added to the belief that ppl who look like us can make it to the pinnacle of this business...I remember when that wasn’t an realistic option... Your sacrifice is appreciated and believe it or not has been worth it...As you have paved ways for others to hopefully have a smoother road than you have...

likeuplifting

🙏🏾

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Admittedly I haven't read all of the comments, but as someone who is mid-30s and not married, I've told myself that if I'm 49 with no real change in situation that I am going to take my money and throw convention to the wind. We are so trained by society to think that there is some right way to live life. Forget that. For most of us, only parts of that perfect picture is attainable. So if I don't have bio kids, I've always wanted to adopt too anyway. If i don't have any kids, I'm traveling the world. And I'm going part time and picking up hobbies. I'm buying the nice car and the insanely nice (but small) house. There are so many things that In sacrificing now under the assumption I will have a family with kids. And if that doesn't happen, I will need to reorient myself as to what new happiness goal I'm striving towards.

likeuplifting

My bad. I meant 40 not 49. So yes, were basically on the same page.

likefunny
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The grass isn't always greener. I wish I had been less focused on being a wife and having kids, and that I instead invested more in myself professionally and in my career when I was younger. But growing up, all I heard was how important it was to find a man and get married. I would love to be in strategy consulting making Mckinsey money with the prestige and opportunities you have. And I wish that I had the freedom and flexibility of being just a single "Rich Auntie". Getting married and having kids is fine (and my husband is an amazing person) but idk if it was worth it to prioritize.

likesmarthelpful

C2 agree about the careers, you don't know what you don't know but my kids will definitely have all of the knowledge to make informed decisions. That is a great quote and bit of perspective from Michelle Obama. And Congratulations on your first child! I wish you a safe and healthy pregnancy.

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Sorry to hear that. You’re probably in a better place to have a healthy relationship now that you’re more self-aware and want to make room for one. Like the song says: it ain’t over til it’s over (« it » being your love life and the chance to build a family!).

likeuplifting

I felt this in my soul...

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You haven’t missed out on love. Just be more open to finding it and put yourself out there. My neighbor just got remarried and she’s 82.

likeuplifting

Yeah my cousin got married at 50 to her now husband who was also the same age, both very successful, healthy, attractive, and both had no kids/never been married prior. It’s not at all too late. Keep faith it’s not too late.

likeuplifting

Have you considered dating non Black men?

likefunnyupliftingsmart

SC1 ✔

Ladies, freeze your eggs by 35. Even if you’re not sure you want biological kids, it’s better to have that option and decide later that you don’t want them after all. If your employer doesn’t cover it in the States, consider doing it abroad.

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G4 Yikes, I was saying 35 as a cut-off range. Obviously anyone can do it when they’re younger if they can afford to do so.

I had that same revelation, but I woke up after taking my work computer on a date and answering emails at the brunch table with a potential suitor! Before leaving my date said “I get the point” I was like damnnnnn, my work is so taxing that I work weekends. Because of that story I got out more and hung with friends and coworkers. I managed to find someone I’m compatible with and now we’re married! Moral of story: don’t let work define your personal life (easier said than done) be intentional on where you spend your social time and with whom. I would say dating apps but those are more for hook-ups! Good luck pal!

likeupliftinghelpful

🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢

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2 questions: 1) how old are you? 2) have we been listening to the KS/Redpill/High Value Man rhetoric that still expect black women to go 50/50 on bills and 100% on child rearing and all domestic activities. If so, I mean you would’ve had to get your paper up so you could help them afford that HVM lifestyle...

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EY1 - I had to Google KS/Redpill/High Value Man. The way that McKinsey is set up means that our "spare time" is limited to recovering on Saturday and starting work again by 5pm on Sunday in preparation for Monday. His or bad, KS is not part of my world. Also, my paper isn't the issue. I would qualify as KS' HVW.

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Don’t wear yourself out trying to get rich. Be wise enough to know when to quit. - Proverbs 23:4 It’s never too late. It may not look like you thought it would but you can always pivot and have what you need.

likeuplifting

Glad you have obtained wisdom. Good luck in your future endeavors and try to maintain balance with it all. There are some good men out there looking for good women and good women looking for good men.

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Who says it’s too late?

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GH2: no to remaining eggs. We are supposed to freeze them before we hit 33 (ideally), and the younger you are the better chances you have with frozen eggs.

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If “love” is meant for you, you’ll find it. It really is never too late. There are billions of ppl in the world and there’s always adoption. Apply an alternative perspective. Your future children will be grateful you created a life with financial security and emotional maturity. 💗🖤💗 Chin up!

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I also have a recommendation for a match making service for black women if you’re interested

likehelpful

Please DM me 🙏🏾

It is never too late... we are always “becoming” until we expire. Define the next goal and we are proud of what you did so far

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🙏🏾

Damn. I’m very sorry you’re going through this OP. Hindsight is always 20/20 - and no one can blame you for creating generational wealth for yourself and our community. For now practice some self care

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How old are you?

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Damn it’s a wrap

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Thank you for sharing. I have been thinking about postponing life for TC and status, thinking "maybe it will be worth it?". I appreciate you and hope you get all you desire in life!

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If you plan to postpone life then also plan to freeze your eggs immediately 🙂

It’s tough but I am glad you came to the realization. Now it’s a matter of what to do in your life to get what you want /deserve. Feel like I’m headed in a similar direction and will probably leave McK by year end.

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While your prospects may be grim, unless you are in full on menopause, there is still time to harvest the eggs you have left and freeze them. I also suffer from unexplained infertility and after 8 years, I finally have an answer (hyperprolactinemia). It’s not over until you’ve exhausted all options. Praying for a positive outcome for you and I’m here if you ever need support on this journey. 🤗

likehelpful

All you need is one egg to make a baby! Don’t lose hope. Keep the faith.

likeuplifting

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