I’ve recently started working at an amazing company, I love everything about it! The culture, the people, the projects, the flexibility. However, the only problem is me really. I’m fully aware that in life there will be some difficult people to work with, but my patience and tolerance has dropped significantly. I hate that because it took so much for me to get to this position of happiness, I’m carrying my personal baggage and might be scaring people slightly. (1/2)

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If you love the culture, the company, the people, what are you intolerant about? I guess I'm not understanding this post.

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Thank you! Yes I always try to be constructive with my feedback, but sometimes it’s hard not to get too attached to my work

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Your self-awareness is a sign of your maturity. You’ll get there, just remain vigilant so you don’t run a good thing. I’m very similar; I’m g highly vocal with my opinions, set in my ways, and have many scars to show for it.
With those qualities, you’ll serve a very good purpose, if you direct your strengths (baggage) at the right recipient. You need to preserve your internal relationships and that will require you to wear a muzzle and find a way to minimize that.
Personally, I have found my ways to manage this, but it’s a personal decision for everyone. One of my choices involved medication to reduce my anxiety which led to more patience. There is no shame in getting some help. Also, work out, have a friend that understands and you can talk with about this.
You’ll get there, good luck!

likeupliftingsmarthelpful

My manager (VP) is the same way. There are many of us out there! Btw, one of my unhealthy ways to deal with this is an occasional cigar. Hang in there.

likeuplifting
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Has someone actually said something to you? If not, don’t stress. You’re thinking about it too hard.

If so, thank them for the feedback, and ask them to help you improve. Be honest and transparent.

likehelpful

Not yet, but I’m aware if I don’t nip it in the bud now, it could get worse before it gets better, I always like to be aware of my tone and how I come across. But I 100% understand your point, it might be a case of me noticing it in myself first before anyone else does?

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I know what you’re talking about. I went through it too. What I would say is just find a way to distract yourself from reacting to those people the way you want to react. I find it helpful to write what I would’ve said down to get it out, and then be nice to the person. That will keep you sane and happy in the job you really like.

likeupliftingsmart

“How People Treat You is Their Karma, How You React is Yours” One of my favorites to remember. :)

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I definitely suggest typing of emails and never sending them. And when you are verbally confronted in those kinds of situations, rather than argue you can simply say “maybe you’re right”. It’s not acknowledging that they’re right or wrong it’s a way to get out of that situation.

I know that when I communicate I can have a tonality that can come across very direct into the point and rub people the wrong way. My intent is never to hurt somebody’s feelings or belittle anybody however in the past it is an implied that I’m mean.
So even to this day I retype and rewrite emails very often and yes I’m an Overthinker lol

likesmart

You’re welcome

Have you considered whether you’re experiencing the cycle of grief?

You’ve attained a specific goal and now you’re grieving the loss of your North Star?

likehelpful

I have to agree with this! I’ve always been told that I live my life on fast forward instead of taking in each stage. It then catches up with me and becomes very overwhelming I must say.

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Thank you so much, I never thought of it that way 🌟🙏

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I am going through a similar situation based solely on the description. I realised some differences that makes the new job harder on me even if at the begining I was super excited. First one is: a bigger team and more strictly split on some evaluations that I do not find fair (for me and others too). The rockstar culture in this team is more pronounced even if unintentionally. The culture of giving some sort of high fives on the communication channels for every little thing is tiring for me. My motivation became pretty low after understanding their compensation strategy and seing better how they organize hierchically. I have a colleague who is new like me and at first we got along great but then we bumped heads a bit and they said some sexist things (bashing their own gender in a subtle way) and it made me upset but I can't share them with anyone because I will sound like a person in kindergarten. I am too tired to talk about them with this person. Way in the past I was also once in a partially toxic culture and I just left. But there were people who were able to just ignore the bad parts and they were pretty zen about it. Maybe if I was making as much as them I would've been able to be more zen. One of the biggest problems is compensation. I often feel I am not paid enough to deal with some aspects. I often feel I am not paid enough to begin with. Yet, I am paid well, just not as good as others in this company nor in my team and it itches me coming from a job where I was equal to everyone else. Here I am not. To leave is also tiring, going again through interviews etc so soon. Personally I am trying to get through every day bit by bit, learn more about the project, ignore (meaning not act on them publicly) the weirder bits even if I think about them repeatedly, have breaks every time I feel overwhelmed (breaks are my best friend), not create drama even if I am hurting sometimes but I feel better if I behave elegantly. On the long run, this situation is not sustainable but I have hope that it can improve and there are already many aspects I enjoy a lot. I try to focus on those, on the work I can do, absorb all new info and take it easy. If it will not improve, I do not see any other solution than leave. But this time, at least I will have tried more and with more patience. Other than that, I guess from time to time we really do not fit some companies culture no matter how great they sound as companies and no matter how many perks they have. I look at it as "it is them, not us", meaning no matter how much we adapt, they will still fail our needs. What is left to do then other than leave?

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It’s good that you realized where this issue is stemming from. If you’re looking for something that could help more long term maybe try joining a gym and exercising daily after work. It’s a great destresser and it can lead to healthy habits which will make you feel better mentally. Following this, try a diet which includes healthy and Whole Foods. You are what you eat. This advice comes from my experience but we all deal with issues in our own way.

likehelpful

I 100% agree with this! It’s something I’ve been thinking about this for a while, but now I have to actually make that lifestyle change and not just think about it 😊

Therapy and having a job go together like peanut butter and jam. Always good to have a sounding board to point out when you are schlepping baggage where it doesn’t need to go.

likesmart

Men don’t worry about this? How can you say that? Sexist and untrue.

Pragmatism has helped me here, as well as focusing on what you can control (yourself) instead of what you can't (other people). It's a bit of a balancing exercise. You are totally allowed to be excited about your new job and everything that comes with it. But just remember that you're just as allowed to detach from it when you're not at your job. This imo, is extremely important to remember. Your new co-workers aren't automatic friendships... they still have to grow into them if you choose to; and even that's a bonus. You should be cool, cordial, and professional with everyone you encounter as much as you can (every one has difficult days), but don't be disappointed if there it's not reciprocal...

Dealing with difficult personalities is just part of any workplace culture, no matter how many free yoga or meditation classes your wellness package includes. It's an office setting, in a corporate environment. Some people will be happy coding all day, some people will try to climb the corporate ladder at any cost... that's any... cost. But you control how you react to different scenarios and people. Someone mentioned taking notes, or journaling, on things that you might want to reflect... and I would second that. But it doesn't have to be a chore either... just quick points of reflection here and there. Remember that your integrity and standing your ground are just as important.

Therapy is great, but I would change its purpose from "fixing" to "improving" or "addressing". As others have pointed out, "fixing" assumes that something is broken with you... which is unlikely the case. You're also allowed to stumble... I heard someone said once that "self-improvement is a steady climb with no top".

Of course all of this much easier said than done, but your self-awareness, and concern is a good step forward... just don't fret and stress over this too much. Just be yourself. You'll be fine :)

smart

you got it :)

I’m usually the neutral person in any company. And I’m aware that I will need to seek personal therapy soon to fix myself. But until I start getting those results - what can I do to be a more tolerant person at work? All help/critisms welcome 😊 (2/2)

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Count to 5 before you say something in situations where there's an active back and forth going on

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I use these situations as a way to improve my empathy and patience. People who are intentionally being hard to work with often are going through a difficult phase in life. Or they aren't trying to be difficult and have an entirely different perspective. Try to learn about their perspective.

Maybe a few years from now you'll be in an interview and the question might be "how did you successfully deal with a difficult coworker?". Here's your opportunity to come up with a great answer that shows empathy, patience and leadership.

helpful

As someone who found myself in a situation where I'm part of the problem even as I noticed my colleagues coming with their baggage to interactions, I cannot emphasize more how important it is to speak with people than speak at or about them. At work or otherwise, we are interacting with people who are just as human as ourselves. Talk to them how you feel without pointing fingers at anyone. Tell them you are struggling with but working on your personality traits and invite them to help you in your journey. After hearing an honest and heartfelt request for help, most people would be open to introspecting themselves to find ways to be kinder and more helpful to you. As long as you are honest and don't use it as a means to an end, I wish you an increasing number of positive interactions in the coming days.

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If you know how to speak a second language just tell the story to yourself in your second language. It helps a lot. If you don’t know how to do that, you can have a book and write everything that is making you frustrated and read it loud. Remember no one is perfect and you don’t have anything bad going on right now.

Find a way to go around your challenges and not through them.

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