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Rising Star
You are 100% making the right decision.
A part of me wonders if he deliberately made this crazy request so you call it off, easier than him breaking up. Boy sly. Good riddance
He doesnât want to commit to you and wants to * with other women when he needs a change from you.
You deserve better. You never need to be an option or a back up in a persons life especially when feelings are involved.
Like we can settle down but he wants to have the option in the future for when he makes it to be able to have variety when needed⌠per his words ÂŤ I will always be his love but he will just need an option to blow out steam Âť so I told him that wasnât an option. Iâm 26 & at the peak of my youth & I canât settle for that. And he was like he can never settle unless thatâs an option⌠I feel so broken. Iâm I making the right decision ? I feel crazy right now
Yes. Youâre making the right decision to stand by your needsâŚalso youâre 26! Youâve got time to find the right person for you
Boy bye!! Just move on, itâs for the best
Rising Star
What a loser. Men are so replaceable, donât ever forget that OP!
Rising Star
Iâm so sorry OP.
I knew a couple and he waited til after they were married to roll out this need. Iâm glad for you that you didnât have to deal with THAT.
Eww what a scum.
Iâm sorry âšď¸ If youâre not okay with this arrangement, itâs for the best in the long run⌠even if it may not be obvious to you now. Life throws all sorts of curveballs at you. Your spouse needs to be steady and supportive through illnesses, loss of a closed one, financial distress etc.⌠imagine the added stress and anxiety of knowing he could be off with any one of these numerous women heâs planning on seeing.
Youâll be okay. Youâll get through this.
Conversation Starter
Oh hell no girl, this guy is complete trash - you deserve so much better! Good riddance!
He should not have strung you along for this long when he knew he couldnât promise monogamy. Itâs cruel. Itâs okay to feel hurt, but block him and never look back.
Unpopular opinion, but I know couples with open relationships. They truly love each other and have a strong emotional bond but have some arrangements when it comes to making out with someone else. Having said that, that wouldnât be for me and you need to feel comfortable with this and if you donât, donât settle for someone who needs other women in his life. You are not crazy and most likely made the right choice for yourself! There are plenty of guys who will treat you and only you as a princess. If you talk yourself into this relationship although you feel uncomfortable with his ask, you probably are going to regret it a few years down the line.
Rising Star
The real problem here is that he wants it for himself only. Thereâs an imbalance in that kind of relationship, and it puts all the risk on the OPâs plate. Thatâs a recipe for disaster. They both have to be ok with it for it to work. It wouldnât be my choice personally, but I know couples who have and enjoy this kind of relationship and they all say it only works when everyone is open and honest about it with each other and with anyone else involved.
At least heâs being honest with you and youâll have many 18-month in the future! You did the right thing!
Thank you
Rising Star
Ethical non-monogamy and polyamory are totally fine, itâs just a different relationship model. BUT they require both partners consent and be in total agreement. If your ex really wants non-monogamy, he should have been up front with that from the beginning. My guess though is that heâs more just garden variety afraid of commitment or he is using this tactic to force a break up. Sounds pretty sh*tty. Your 26 and better off without him! Go live it up!
Aww man. OP Iâm also 26 and have been dating my boyfriend for 18 months as well. He is the complete opposite. Wants to settle down and commit to me only. He treats me like the most special girl on the planet and gives me incredibly loyalty and respect. YOU CAN FIND THE PERFECT GUY!! THEYâRE OUT THERE! Donât settle for less.
Conversation Starter
No no no. You deserve someone who is 100% committed to you and your relationship. Do not settle for less. Youâre young, you have time to find someone good and respectful!
Chief
You just saved yourself a lot of future heartache. Cheating is a reality and can happen to even the best couples, Iâve learned. HOWEVER, youâre right not to settle for premeditated disrespect.
When I was your age, I was just coming out of a two year relationship with a guy I saw such a future with - but he was a pathological liar and cheated the whole time we were long distance. My uncle gave me the book, The Defining Decade and it 1000% change my life and perspective. My life has improved dramatically, career wise and relationship wise, thank the Lord, Jesus!
YOU MADE THE RIGHT DECISION! â¤ď¸ Hang in there, institute no contact and try out the Mend app, too. Itâs so helpful.
Thank you and I will check out the book
You did the right thing. This guy fed you these lines because he wanted to keep using you as a placeholder while he looked for his future wife. I donât believe for one second he wanted an open relationship - doesnât seem like he was offering you the same option to go out and date! Thank you, next!
Rising Star
You are completely making the right decision! You deserve commitment, not someone who is basically asking for a free pass to cheat or have an open relationship when thatâs not something youâre comfortable with. Youâll find another đ¤
Always sad to realize you and your partner are not on the same oage but at least you talked it out now instead of later. This is just a different kind of relationship, not a better or worse one, just different. I don't think I can handle an open relationship but I do think that television and environment has led us to believe that we can only have 1 partner for life, that our partner should be the center of our lives and they should be enough to fulfill all our needs. I don't think that is the case, love is choosing to be with someone, and the fact that they have "things" with other people, shouldn't diminish our own value. But anyways, hope you find someone more aligned to your expectations and 26 is super young :) go take the world
Donât date someone who isnât sure of you and donât accept behavior you wouldnât do yourself.
1. You have to appreciate his honesty, many men and women end up stringing someone along even when they know they donât want a future so be glad he told you sooner than later
2. This sucks regardless of whatever reason. Take your time to be sad about it, itâs someone you felt extremely connected to for over a year
3. It wouldnât work out in the long run. Youâre one more breakup closer to the love of your life. Not all of us are able to meet someone right away and have them be the person. 99% of us have to go through multiple heartbreaks to learn about yourself and other people which only makes sure youâre 100% ready for the right person
Yes I definitely appreciate his honesty