{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Just came from dinner #meettheparents at my bf's family overheard his mom talking to him in the kitchen b4 we left \"you didn't tell us she was colored..\" um beyond awkward..they were so nice cont.", "post_id": "585df163a2d24300104ddcf7", "reply_count": 90, "vote_count": 30, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d051", "bowl_name": "Consulting" }

Just came from dinner #meettheparents at my bf's family overheard his mom talking to him in the kitchen b4 we left "you didn't tell us she was colored.." um beyond awkward..they were so nice cont.

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@D8, I cannot believe you're serious. You've shown that you're not as educated on these issues as you believe. "Getting along" means that both sides have to try to understand the other. Your statement that people of color are "making their whole personality and identity about their skin color" is generalized and both an assumption /and/ judgment on your part. Further, you should know that "self-segregation" is a tendency for every racial group (and other cultural/political groups), but exacerbated by the fact that many very real structural forces keep, in particular, black and latino families out of affluent (white) neighborhoods. In other words, "getting along" for you should mean asking if you are keeping an open mind about all the circumstances contributing to a racial divide. The answer is that it's on both sides, and both have a role to play. However, I would ask whether it's appropriate to blame the issue on those with fewer tools to address the problem. For example, assuming you aren't a person of color, would you consider moving to a majority black or latino neighborhood? I would doubt there are any economic reasons why you couldn't.

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@OP Good to hear!! Merry Christmas. ❤ @D8 Me calling out racism doesn't make t harder for anyone lol. Racism makes it harder for minorities to get ahead. Ignorant, fragile white people who demand victimhood in conversations about race make it harder for minorities to get ahead. Those willfully dismissive of current and present barriers to minorities make it harder for minorities get ahead. Those who blame minorities for their own history of oppression make it harder for minorities to get ahead. I quoted MLK, shared my own life and challenged your faulty claims, yet you read that as "I'm hated because I'm white." 😐 You say you treat everyone the same but you've made negative, broad generalizations about an entire people group. You did it *again*. I hope you got some real life courage for Christmas. I dare you to look in the mirror and consider you have things to learn, then go engage people that don't look like you.

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Who says colored anymore? 🤔

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Leave that Timothy and get you a Tyrone.

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Yea that's another story, I feel some sort of way about that

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I wouldn't worry about it. if you love your boyfriend and think he is the one, tell them to get used to it because you are not going anywhere. in progressive cities like Montreal or Toronto, it is not a big deal but unfortunately the US is still stuck on stupid. be unapologetic about who you are and they will have to fall in line.

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type faster

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Unpopular opinion here, based on the comments so far. Deep down, I think you know if your parents will have a problem with you dating someone from another race (that goes for everyone, not just wasps). It is possible that the BF could have been caught unawares, but I find that unlikely. That said, don't be accusatory, OP, but do make a mental note that he didn't get ahead of this. Have a conversation with your BF mentioning that you overheard his parents and validate that things are okay, and ask what you two can do about it together.

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Also.... Is it weird that your Bf didn't tell his parents about your race/ethnicity? Idk things like that usually come up.... Was he afraid his parents wouldn't approve?

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OP, what did the bf reply to his mom? That's the real info that matters

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but who says that?!? Not looking forward to xmas and almost wish I didn't hear that.. like why does that matter? I don't think it was an issue but so uncomfortable right now..

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I'd suspect he never even thought about it as it doesn't matter to him .... and I suspect parents don't actually care but being that next generation up are slightly more aware of color. Just a thought.

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I'm a white girl with old school parents who might have said something like that about my Mexican boyfriend. I love him and they have seen how great of a guy he is. Dont take it out on your SO. We can't help what our parents think or say even if it is totally opposite of what we think. Maybe do broach the subject and let him know you were uncomfortable. Seems like that being left unsaid could hurt later on.

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If I were you, I would definitely have a conversation about why he never mentioned it before...

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It's his parents. He knew.

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@D8 I have to consider diff perspectives every day because I'm a minority engaging with the majority everywhere I go. By nature, I'm forced to consider and adapt daily. My great uncles and aunts have white SOs, so *no* actually, they wouldn't make any of these statements or be surprised. Being a "little surprised" isn't "you didn't tell me they were colored" and if you think that language doesn't carry a certain weight or connotation, you're willingly blind, uninformed or apathetic to experiences you can't immediately relate to. Again,I have white aunts, uncles, cousins, sister n laws, etc. When someone says they have a SO we don't assume they are black or white - we certainly don't pull them aside when that person is out of the room like they brought home an alien. Point is, this stuff won't die until we seek to have a dialogue with the goal of changing, but so many of us (yes, mostly WASPS) think they don't need to learn anything because they know it all already, even shit they've never experienced. O

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Laughed out loud at the notion of self-segregation. Like why don't all the minorities living in south centra LA just move to Beverley Hills?

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EY1- this isn't cool at all in the US. We actually have people of color outside our major cities too.

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While you have every right and reason to be offended, I don't think this is rare.

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I wouldn't raise it with his parents. I'd encourage your bf to call it out

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I'd guessing he didn't bring it up because he didn't think he needed to/didn't even think of it. If he thought it was a problem he would have told his parents to test the waters with them before having everyone meet in person

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He knew. He used this opportunity to test the waters. WASPs will always be super nice to your face; that doesn't mean they like or accept you. I think it says a lot about how much he respects you that he let things unfold this way instead of getting ahead of it.

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