Just found out a v toxic person from my past, someone who actively targeted me with emotional abuse and manipulation, just got hired as an intern at my shop. What do I do?

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Payback time. 🍿

likefunnyupliftinghelpful

@Freelance, why would OP need to look for a new job versus the abuser? HR should care whether their employees are abusive. I would definitely talk to someone about it. Being abused is not just "personal." We bring our wole selves to work, and that means the intern is bringing their abusive self.

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OP — Doing what makes you the most comfortable isn’t a bad thing. Everyone on fishbowl has an opinion. I hope the pre-conversation turns out to be unnecessary, for the sake of everyone. Good luck!

Edit :: You don’t have to tolerate the behavior. The point was always that you should try to deal with it on your own before running to management 🤦‍♀️ I’m done here.

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There’s something really unfair and manipulative about how this story has unfolded. Doesn’t said intern (and whoever said interns are worth nothing, I mean...) deserve a chance to prove themselves before being outed by a college interaction. If they are as bad as you say, their actions will speak for themselves. What you’ve done, and I would be surprised if you aren’t aware of this, has tainted other people’s opinions of them. It’s incredibly unfair. You owe them an adult conversation to get to the bottom of the issue.

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Been trying to have adult conversations for 2 years. This is not my first attempt. So can everyone back off with assuming I haven’t tried to handle this on my own directly with them first? Like fucking OBVIOUSLY I did that. All through school. And this person relentlessly targeted me, gaslighted me and manipulated me and MULTIPLE others.

School was 4 months ago.

This person has not “changed and grown” since then. This person is a detriment to every project and every person they touch. They were fired from a recent position after only a month. This person shouldn’t be brought into this shop bottom line. It reflects poorly on my school, on the intern coordinator and our shop if we are complicit with their behavior.

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So here’s my perspective on the difference and why you are not getting the responses you hoped for. You are in a position of power (gainfully employed), the intern is not. You have, to some degree, abused your power by outing this person before they have a chance to prove themselves. With everything you’re saying, if true, it shouldn’t take long for them to reveal themselves, but by going to management, you’ve flipped the dynamics here.

Brown chick btw 🤷🏾‍♀️

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SAD1: we went to ad school together. They were very hostile and defensive with their work and took everything personally. I think they were triggered when I gave some harsh (but necessary, they we selling Mace to women and the copy was incredibly offensive) feedback regarding a project they were working on, and ever since then they have tried to manipulate me into a strange twisted friendship that feels more like a stalker than a companion. They single me out, loudly saying “hey bestie! Love you!” When in reality they take every chance to undermine and gaslight me. We are not friends and never have been and I’m unsure how to navigate this because I don’t want to cause drama but I also don’t want to have to put up with them invading my space. I need to make it clear that I want no relationship of any kind besides professional and I am leaning towards talking to management just to get in front of it in case me saying “please keep your distance from me, congrats on the opportunity but we are not friends,” turns into something messier (which, if I know this person, there’s a 60/40 chance it will.)

likeuplifting

^It is, however, an effective way to get some payback on someone you have differences with. Almost no way this person's getting hired after this internship. OP's learning how to play dirty politics and Intern is going to find out how being an asshole can come back to bite you in the ass in a community this small.

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SAD — I disagree. Sounds like copywriter and intern are the same age, despite the title difference. If intern plays the game well, does good work, and pleases upper management, OP is the only one who created drama here.

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^ Sr AD, not sure either one is winning at anything here

I've also learned we're seeing things through a highly biased lenses of our own experience but reality is there are two sides to every story and then there is the objective truth, too.

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@freelance1 cause I was already leaning towards it before I posted that. I worried about my own ability to focus and not feel threatened in my workplace. Plus this person has already been fired from a full time gig after only a month. Yes, we are roughly the same age, but that really has nothing to do with it. Intern is manipulative and sneaky and if I didn’t get out ahead of it, I risked appearing reactionary instead of level headed and capable of forethought. I was thanked profusely for bringing this to their attention and this way, if toxic person gets into it with anyone else, which they will, I’ve already warned management and the new target of toxic person has backup without having to ask. Plus, this industry is small AF and assholery should not be tolerated.

Pretty sure I handled this pretty well, even if it wasn’t exactly what you would have done. This person is a grade-A jerk, and now it’s biting them in the ass. Not sorry about it.

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This may be petty AF but I would def try to find out which CDs the intern will be working under and let ‘em know. Someone who gets awkwardly defensive over their ideas (whether they are offensive or completely benign) will be a huge pain in the ass. As a CD, I know I would appreciate the heads up.

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I think it depends on the relationship OP has with management, but I’ve been in a similar situation and found that relying on management and HR to help resolve the situation was not helpful. In retrospect, I wish I had felt empowered to handle it on my own — like in a one-on-one conversation with the person I had issues with. And OP doesn’t have a professional issue with the intern yet, they are only speculating that there could be an issue because of the past. OP has the upper hand because they are senior to the intern. Until there is actually a problem, I wouldn’t create one.

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I would speak about it if you happen to work directly with the person..........but other than that, if they continue to target/harass you, keep all records/screenshots and follow up with HR/Management

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Are you going to be working with this person?

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👆🏼exactly. (Edit: to the last two posts) Unless you work in a small office where you're going to have to interact/work with/see this person on a regular basis, I recommend trying to ignore the person and/or be the bigger person. You will definitely not always work with people you like, and further down your career, those people are just as likely to follow you around as your friends.

I once had a person try to spread rumors about me at a new agency, and then we ended up back together at another shop. I made an offhand reference to it once and moved on.

If this person persists in being who they were before, def talk to your support friends and supervisor. HR may or may be able to help I dunno

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Agree with SAD. No offense but if you came to me and presented that situation as a problem, I would think of it as college drama and it would color my opinion of you. Consider how many people go to HR about real sexual abuse and are then put on the firing line. I once had a producer who separate me out and scream abusively and when I went to his boss the look on her face was that I was the problem for complaining. Save bigger issues for HR. They won't protect you then either. LOL.

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Helpful feedback. Thanks, gang.

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Plus, why should we have to “tolerate” emotionally abusive, manipulative, gaslighting assholes? Isn’t it better to say something than to run and hide and hope it blows over or worse, get a new job? Why should we let people push us around just because we don’t want to appear difficult or dramatic? That’s... kind of bullshit.

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OP you’re staff and they’re an intern. Deal with them professionally if you have to work with them, and if things get out of line remind them that that kind of bullshit, adolescent behavior doesn’t fly in the professional world, and that they need to either shape up or ship the fuck out. Remind them of the reason why you’re already a staff employee: because you’re a pro and they’re an immature asshole. If you have to, that is

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OP is a victim of intern, and now a victim of this post.

You gotta start brushing these emotions off.

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I’m surprised so many are victimizing the Intern. First of all, HR is smart enough to remain neutral on Intern and take a “wait and see” approach. There may never be an issue. Secondly, if OP really was this upset about Intern, it was more than okay to talk about it. And if Intern IS verbally hostile, it’s likely considered bullying behavior and completely unacceptable. OP just expressed concern up front and that’s totally appropriate. It’s not going to hurt Intern at all. Breathe everyone.

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