{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Just found out my mother is dying from cancer and does not have much longer to live. I took a week of PTO to help my dad. I can’t afford to take leave and my family thinks I should continue working. Has anyone gone through the same? How did it impact you? I told my team and they’re supportive, but I’m at a loss about how this will impact me professionally.", "post_id": "616ee927deac0800326eba05", "reply_count": 23, "vote_count": 6, "bowl_id": "59d02db312fe2f0011e02215", "bowl_name": "Depression/Anxiety Talk" }

Just found out my mother is dying from cancer and does not have much longer to live. I took a week of PTO to help my dad. I can’t afford to take leave and my family thinks I should continue working. Has anyone gone through the same? How did it impact you? I told my team and they’re supportive, but I’m at a loss about how this will impact me professionally.

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

Take leave, or half days, or whatever you need to do to avoid major financial distress and make time for yourself and your family. You will not regret it. Take care of yourself OP!!

like

Since the pandemic started, I moved in with my parents who were renting a floor in a multi-family house. Earlier in August this year, the house caught fire. Fortunately, nobody was hurt, but we lost all of our possessions. Literally everything inside the house was burnt. We were only left with our car and the clothes we were wearing when we ran out of the house. We didn't have renter's insurance, so the financial impact was entirely on us. We found ourselves homeless and facing the prospect of restarting life all over again, from scratch. It felt like our lives had collapsed. We were depressed and had lost the will to live. I had two weeks of PTO remaining so I announced to my team I'd be taking my remaining time off altogether and applied for additional unpaid time off to figure things out and get situated. My team/company (Expedia Finance) was kind enough to grant me an indefinite paid leave of absence, a hardship support payment, counseling resources, and several other forms of tangible and emotional support systems. I was able to get back to work in 5 weeks. Things weren't perfect but all of this did help immensely as I didn't have to worry about losing my job and source of income at an already difficult time. If I were you, I'd discuss the situation with your manager and your HR business partner and see if they are able to offer any support or flexibility. Try discussing your situation with partners in the firm or other senior folks with whom you may have a good working relationship. Since you're in consulting, I'm not sure they may have the same leeway to offer generous support as Expedia did. But it never hurts to ask. I'm terribly sorry you're going through this. Hope you're able to find a resolution that works for you. If you're feeling overwhelmed or stressed, and need somebody to talk to, please feel free to reach out.

likeupliftinghelpful

Absolutely modify your schedule to be with your mom as much as possible - if you’re working from home maybe work from her home if it’s possible?

like

Both of my parents are alive and well, so I've only had these experiences with my grandparents. I was about 3-4 hours away from them by plane, so I was lucky to see them more than once a year. At that frequency, I never regretted the time and money I spent visiting them and going to their funerals. The costs were a temporary pain, but the memories will keep me happy for decades. In your case, I'd think about how 5-10 year future you would look back on today's decisions. If they're like me, they'll remember your mom and family in a positive way. The money cost will be immaterial, and the work cost will be a tiny bump in the road, like a big piece of gravel. That doesn't mean that six months of leave is the answer, though. As you pointed out, you have bills to pay, and it's important to have other things in your life so that you aren't fixated on your dying relative all day. (I've seen it in my dad with three different relatives. It took a huge emotional toll on him.) For now, I'd start talking with the practice manager so they know what's going on (maybe HR; depends on how good or bad your rep is) and thinking about some options for reduced and/or flexible working hours. That could be a case by case arrangement ("I'm out Thursday afternoon for mom's chemo") or something more formal ("I'm taking Fridays off for family time"), and it can change over time as things develop. As long as you communicate ahead of time so people don't have to worry about where you are or where your work is, things should go pretty smoothly in the end.

like

Hi OP - I’m sorry that you are going through this. I lost my mom to cancer in 2016, and in retrospect, I prioritized my job over spending time with my mom. (I did this because I was in denial) but I highly recommend you speak to HR to see if there are any resources. I would also recommend you spend as much time with your mom as you can. I’m not the most emotional person, but I cried for weeks straight and was happy that I took three weeks of LOA to help process the emotion. I used my savings to ensure that my basic needs were met. Please feel free to reach out if you need to chat! My prayers are with you and your family. I am sending you a big hug, OP!

like

So sorry to hear. This happened to me with my dad when I was a new Sr mgr. I ended up taking a combination of a 3 month unpaid leave to help my dad (and mom) through hospital/hospice and also did a reduced work schedule for another 3 months. I guess it probably set my career back a year but that was nothing to me compared to the value of being with my dad and helping my mom. My firm was very supportive throughout and I went on to make partner. My younger sister was not in a position to be able to take significant time from work and we all supported her and tried to make sure she didn’t feel guilty as she did the best she could to spend time with him. She is at peace with her approach and I am at peace with mine so ultimately there is no right or wrong - just what you can manage in a tough situation.

like

OP, find a way to spend time with your mother. If it is not financially distressing, don’t worry too much about how it impacts you professionally. I have been working for 25 years and can’t think of work I have done/ not done during a month that has had an impact on my career. It might have an impact in the very near term but long term it does not matter. My own mother is old (80+) and with significant health issues. I am heading out of the country to spend a month with her. Plan is to spend quality time with her, work as much as I can. Ask others for help, delegate if you can, explain you situation and ask for extension on deliverables and prioritize work.

like

It’s not quite the same but when my grandmother (who I was very close with) died, she had been in the hospital for several months beforehand. I didn’t go visit her more than a few times because I was busy with nothing that really mattered. The day that I decided to go visit, I arrived at her room literally minutes after she passed. Not spending more time with her is one of the big regrets of my life. Do whatever you can to spend time with your mother during this time.

like

Accenture has a PTO gifting program if you can't afford. Also, if you do take leave, it most likely can be FMLA.

likehelpful

People will not remember you taking pto or leave; you will and others will respect you for it. There are many possibilities while working remotely too

like

I'm so very sorry. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. This will not impact you professionally, everyone has experienced the loss of a loved one, so they understand. Be with your mother, work while she rests. This will be a very special time between the two of you that you'll have as a memory for the rest of your life. Also, look for a support group for yourself, it will help when you experience the inevitable low points during this journey. This may sound odd to many, but when my grandfather died, I was there with him...it was actually peaceful and beautiful, not scary...just a life well lived and the lessons I learned from him.

like

Sorry to hear this

like

Yes, I have. International and wasn’t in a position to take leave. I suggest requesting a leave of absence. It’s emotionally wrenching. Speak with your coach regarding options at your firm.

like

Try taking short term disability based on mental reasons, if the company has an STD program. You will get fully paid leave to address this issue which is obviously tied to your mental well being. Your primary care physician can fill out there forms for you.

like

I am so sorry. I went through something similar when my mother was diagnosed with cancer right after I started working. My family encouraged me to keep working and so I did. It is my greatest regret since my mother died much quicker than I was expecting. I don't want to add more pressure to your situation, but I would encourage you to take as much time as possible to be with your mom. Your career can bounce back from just about anything, but the regret doesn't go away.

like

See if you qualify for short term disability leave for stress - that's a paid LOA. I'm terribly sorry. My mom is in remission for Stage 4 breast cancer as well

You should take leave, I was in a similar situation, people understand this being someone close to you. I did not miss a day with my mom after the news and I’m glad I didn’t.

Happened to me this past winter. Advised everyone when family member was in final stages and going to hospice. Was told by one partner the firm had me in their thoughts and prayers and sent me $100 gift card; another partner told me I need to remain profitable and was expected to work saturdays and holidays going forward. Quit shortly thereafter

OP I am so terribly sorry. My heart is with you

This is so difficult. I dread being in this position. Stay strong Op. Our prayers with you

Related Posts

Today is my first day back at work (and first full day back in my physical office) after a few weeks off for parental leave. Needless to say, I am struggling to stay focused on anything other than wanting to go back home to my spouse and child. I know I shouldn't take an emotional temperature on day one, but it has been more difficult being back than I anticipated. Any tips for navigating the waters for the first day/week/month back?

like

Every time you schedule PTO, you end up working a really late the night before #consultantvacation

like

Started a new job this week and it’s super strange meeting people virtually. Not sure if there’s another thread out there about this but does anyone have any tips? I’m waiting until a non holiday week to reach out to people for a quick chat, but it feels so not personable

like

Moms, we are visiting family in the US, and we plan to buy diapers for our nine month old in the US. Should we buy Huggies from Costco, or the Kirkland brand? Baby is used to very soft Pampers here in Europe. Thanks!

like

Is this dress appropriate for a firm holiday party with an “after 5 cocktail attire” dress code? I thought the neckline might be a bit risky but I don’t have much going on in the chest area so no cleavage really lol…I’m also the date and not the employee if it matters. Thanks!!

Post Photo
like

Any 🐠 who fly Alaska Airlines - I booked 2 saver fares for my sister and me to fly for the holiday season. Only now realizing that I booked the same itinerary and want to cancel in hopes of receiving

I’ve been asked to weigh in on how to improve my firms parental leave policy. It’s currently 8 weeks paid for birth parent with an extra week for each year at the firm (up to 12 weeks total) and 2 weeks paid for non-birth parent. I’m in a major city, firm is a boutique that has been around a very long time. What would you suggest? Any studies or research you’ve seen recently on trends in parental leave policies also helpful. I’d like to have some sort of data to back up what I recommend. TIA!

like

I’m not sure if related to my depression or anxiety but lately my sleep schedule is all out of wack. Monday night I slept from 9pm to 1am, the Tuesday a very light nap from 8am-930am, 330pm-730pm... working between those hours... and now unable to rest before my next early AM call after closing my computer. Any advice on how to break this cycle? It helps that I go on holiday after a very short work day today, but really don’t want to return like this.

like

FML.. my son’s 1st grade teacher knows when anything is off at home because the impact of my career is that instantaneous on my him.also FML that I’m a single parent and have no buffer system

Post Photo
like

Left my desk for a little. My kid decided to cover for my meeting. He worked the group like a champ. Nobody noticed. I guess a 6 year old can do my job 😂

likefunny

Anyone know of companies that don’t have annoying case studies or skills based assignments that take time off from weekend or work hours? -_- Starting to feel like free labor and ideas they can use for the companies.

funnylike

I’m in industry with 3 direct reports and another 6 indirect reports. What small holiday gift can I send them? Trying to stay under $250 total.

like

Have you seen “Baby Boomer” lately? So much great in there.

Anyone else disappointed in BCG Chicago holiday party tonight?

likefunny

I’ve finally woken up and realized that I missed out on love and having my own family in exchange for fighting my way out of poverty and “making it” to McK. Upon reflection it wasn’t worth it.

likehelpfulsmart

Partners how much do you spend on holiday gifts for your admin staff? and I am assuming a gift card is the norm?

like

It's anyways great getting a Christmas Eve email from your partner, esp if he's implying you'll be on site Monday Dec 26th despite it being a holiday.

like

Invited for a holiday party at my husband’s company as plus 1. Any recommendations from where I could buy outfits . Budget $75 to $100

like

Recently restarted strength training. I had my baby about a year ago and my tummy (37.5 inches at the belly button) is just huge. Checked with my gyno and she rules out Diastasis Recti and said all of it was just fat 🥲Any ladies who had luck with strength training and reducing tummy fat? I’m not looking at immediate results or even spot reduction- just curious how it looks like after a year or two. Female , 32 year old.

likesmarthelpful

Additional Posts

Does your firm give out raises when you get promoted? Just found out mine only gives out raises as part of the annual appraisal process. So if you get promoted in Jan, you won’t get a raise until Oct.

like

Accepted a new role, leaving the firm in a few weeks. Normal to be having mini panic attacks and questioning my decision? ☹️Excited for the new role but super nervous and scared of leaving the brand

like

Having some imposter syndrome lately: Previous JMO who left for Management Consulting years ago post-MBA (non top-25), but now a manager in tech. Moved around firms and looking to move again to chase the pay and title I think I should be at. Always wrestling with YoE and skills versus the higher positions I think I’m qualified for. Always comparing years in industry and rationalizing years of management/soft skills in the military. Anyone deal with or conquer this? and how? TIA

like

What’s the typical starting salary and bonus target at a large company in-house?

like

Oliver Wyman McKinsey & Company Boston Consulting Group Bain & Company MBB, Big 4 ANZ fishes, is the public sector work significant in the region? Who are some of the key spenders? What kind of work should I expect?

like

8 months till I graduate with a Masters degree focusing on Finance. Anyone willing to refer me for an Analyst role at any of the IBs/VC firms or Finance Consulting role at Big 4/MBB preferably in NYC? International Student here. Thank You.

like

6am fire alarm at Four Points Bentonville is a pretty rough way to start the day

like

This will be my first year as a math/science coach for a K-5th grade elementary school. What are some things you would like your math/science coach to do to support you as a classroom educator? If you are an academic coach yourself, what tips can you offer to someone coming into this position?

likehelpful

Might be a long shot but anyone have an estimate on Nvidia product manager TC? I’d have 6-7 YOE + MBA if that matters.

like

For those stuck in the EWR chaos: make sure you get dropped off on Levels 3 or take the elevator to level 3 once inside instead of waiting on the huge TSA line. Pre-check line is wide open

likehelpful

My shop got back to the office and whenever we have a client/vendor call and they are all still remote I feel so embarrassed to be dialing in from a room full of people. Just make us look like morons.

like

Can someone help with preparing for a product manager interview at Amazon? What to keep in mind? Any tips would be helpful

I plan on putting in an application for a Strategy& SA position. If anyone is interested in chatting for 15 minutes to see if it’s a good fit, it could be mutually beneficial.

Should you DCA into VOO/SPY/QQQ/VTI or invest it all at once?

like

Any one into San Diego real estate market. Moving from east coast and considering buying a family home but nothing decent is less than 1 mill and property prices have jumped like 15-20% in one year.

I have 1yr 7 months of tax prep experience from Withum and a boutique firm. I have 2 offers: BDO experienced associate in core tax for 78k // and a smaller firm as a tax semi senior for 75k with a 3k sign on bonus. This is in NYC just want to know if these are fair offers, and also to hear thoughts on the 2 options….. small firm caps at 50 hrs for busy season with prospect of being promoted to senior by next year.

When did you feel like you were successful? People around me think it’s impressive that I work at Deloitte; however, I’m miserable and hate the work I’m doing. Just accepted another job that others would deem a dream company and salary but I’m just afraid of being miserable there too. I just don’t feel like I’m good enough, will be happy, or be in a position where I feel like I’m successful as others.

like

General total comp range expectations for non-technical roles in Tech (pm, PMM, s+o) at 2 YOE?

like

Looking for honest opinions: why does everyone seem to hate Deloitte? I’m an experienced hire who joined Deloitte this year. Things have felt pretty normal so far, but I want to be sure my eyes are open. I’ve been told to buckle up once covid/WFH is over the culture will revert back to the way it was. I don’t scare easily and information is power. Thanks in advance!

likefunny

Any advice on how to ask for a raise a couple of months before it's time for my yearly review? My work product and proficiency has been consistently good and my firm just hired a new attorney (not yet licenses in the state) that I have been responsible for mentoring. Mentoring a new attorney has put extra stress on my daily work load and she is paid the same as me, which makes me think it's time to discuss my value at my firm.

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Download Fishbowl to see what others are saying
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the Fishbowl app

Get realtime notifications and see
what's happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal