Just had a white male partner telling me that I need to “stay more on top of things” when I wasn’t even copied on the thing in question and have been on top of every other task he gave me, including on the weekends. Really disheartening.

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If you were not copied on the thing you definitely need to remind him of that. Don’t take gaslighting crap like that. Stand up for yourself. You can do it in a nice way but don’t let that misconception on his part stand.

likesmarthelpful

I have definitely said to my supervisor, “I want to be able to handle this case but I can’t if I don’t know what is going on because I am not included in the communications.” And that did the trick.

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Others may have a more delicate approach, but I wouldn’t hesitate to point out that he didn’t copy you and that you need him to do so going forward. What you describe above is a pretty classic partner move in my experience. Their inboxes are overflowing and they have so many matters they can’t always remember all the details. Better to make it clear you weren’t copied than let them assume you don’t have your act together. (Just this morning I replied to a “why isn’t this done yet?” email with “see attached email sending you the draft for review on Monday.”)

likesmart

Agree - being direct and clear is the only way to handle this. If you put your head down and apologize, it’s akin to admitting you did something wrong.

I also don’t completely understand what gender has to do with this…

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I had a judge deny a motion this week by saying “sorry kiddo. Not going to happen” in front the opposing counsel, 7 years my junior who was not called kiddo. Micro aggressive misogyny is still alive and well across the board

likehelpful

OC mistook me for a court reporter on Friday, I corrected him. Then on MONDAY, he asked if I was a student. I made the second conversation, an uncomfortable one.

likeupliftinghelpfulfunny

I’ve been in this situation before, it’s not pleasant. I just respectfully told him “I can only stay on top of things that I am apprised of. Who do I need to speak to about being included on chains for this matter?” because I don’t fuck around with things like that. You don’t read minds, you can’t be expected to know everything.

likesmart

What does being white have to do with it?

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I love your optimism. I had it once upon a time. 🥲

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Thanks, everyone. I brought it up to him on our call and his response was just “fine, I’ll forward to you” instead of “sorry for assuming you are incompetent” 🤷‍♀️

likefunny

👎

Women are expected to be team project manager, secretary, and cheerleader on top of their substantive work. It’s exhausting! The thanks are rare but the blame is abundant if any balls are dropped, even when it was clear here that it wasn’t your fault.

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That’s disheartening from a partner of any race or gender. Why the need to mention race and gender?

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OP - next time just post this in the attorneys of color bowl! Some people will never get it/refuse to 🤷🏾‍♀️

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I suspect that might be code for him dropping the ball and looking for someone to blame. It is completely acceptable to be disheartened by his comments. As much as it sucks, sometimes you just have to let these comments roll off of you and have confidence that you are doing your job and doing it well.

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A junior partner just griped at me for not copying a certain person on our client's distribution list, and said it was clearly set out in the procedure memo for this lender. Well, I looked and guess what ISN'T in that memo? Exactly what he said was in there. This deal cannot end soon enough.

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What if it was a brown female partner who said this? What difference does it make? All professionals need to stay on top of things.

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Would definitely respond and say that if you’re copied on emails you can definitely stay on top of things, as you have been doing consistently. I then would laugh all the way to the bank at this sad excuse for a human that probably has a terrible home life and no friends that needs to take out his frustration on you. Those people can’t be saved.

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Has anyone interviewed for a company recently and was asked lots of behavioral/emotional IQ questions? Could you provide some examples? Thanks.

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