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Any chance you could bring one of your parents, sibling, or a cousin? I think bringing a replacement date when you’ve rsvpd for 2 is totally ok. And, I agree that you need to add a weekly or even daily pow wow with your husband about schedules going forward.
Thank-you. We've done couples therapy and I see a therapist myself. I don't think he felt like it was that helpful and so I can't see him going back to it, but I still have my therapist.
I think part of some of our occasional clashes are driving by culture, along with personality (he's Italian born and raised, I'm Canadian). Even planning our own wedding was so painful to align on because he just thinks everything we do here is so commercialized and unnecessary. He sees it as putting on a show for others, whereas he only sees small/ intimate as being about the couple themselves.
He struggles to understand why something like being at a friends wedding for me, is important to me. He really doesn't see it as a big deal for me to go alone or if I don't want to go super pregnant by myself, to just not go at all. And if I insist, he sees it as me needing to get my way and not understanding him. At times, it's so hard to get to a place of compromise.
Yes, you have every right to be mad. Def not a pregnancy hormone induced over reaction. Sorry you’re dealing w that
You have the right to be mad. You don’t have to go alone though - invite someone else along! Maybe a girlfriend? I know weddings aren’t everyone’s jam but if my friend called me and told me this story, I’d go and support her pregnant self for sure.
Thank-you. I appreciate all the perspectives. It's been less than 24 hours so I know I need to cool off a bit. Just super frustrated. And it really set me off when his response to me saying I'd be 36 wks pregnant alone at a wedding was to shrug it off and say then just don't go.
Coach
Maybe? But also feels like a gap here…. Seems like something y’all would have been talking about more than one date exchange and then now, 2 months later.
I think the bigger issue may be how you both are planning for things as a unit. Do you have a shared calendar?
Thanks! Turning the alert on his phone is a good idea!! He vetoed the idea of invites early in our relationship (said it was unnecessary🙄) and said sharing my calendar to his was enough...but we may need to revisit that conversation.
What does he do for work that he can't ask to take off even a week in advance or work remote during the day that he would need to take off?
Definitely. I've gotten used to it as well. For more casual friends and family gatherings, I just leave it open as if he can make it, he can make it.
It's just for the things that are important to me that I get upset about. And it's exhausting to be the one who has to nag and remind time over time. Which is even harder when you got pregnancy brain and feel like a whale.
Toxic af
Coach
Are you otherwise happily married? He sounds flighty but I’ll assume you knew that about him while dating.
Yes. There are things about him that are wonderful, gotten me to find greater balance, the opposite of my neurotic type A when I need it, family is everything to him, we are aligned on life goals & values for our kids, and fiercely defends and spoils me with words and gestures.
But being European (Italy) born and raised, we have lots of little moments of cultural clashes. He thinks North Americans are too easily offended or too soft with our feelings.. or in this case, the idea of me wanting him to come with me to a friend's wedding being about respecting me/us and not my friend is something he has a hard time wrapping his head around. Every so often, we have these culture disconnects and it's a struggle to get through.
Thank-you for your inputs. At this point it does look like I'm going alone. I guess I should give my friend the heads-up? She probably won't miss that he's not there but I think the respectful thing is to still give the notice in advance.
I'm definitely super bummed but it is what it is.