{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Just need to let off steam. My MIL said to me today that my husband must be really happy with me \"now that I learned to cook\". Omg. She told me not to bother applying for jobs back when I was because I'd soon be home with the kids 🙈 I have to bite my tongue SO hard. Just me dealing with this generational nonsense?!", "post_id": "5fef6603fe44c6001f3a68dc", "reply_count": 9, "vote_count": 3, "bowl_id": "58f81646ae9f610010f869be", "bowl_name": "Consulting Moms" }

Just need to let off steam. My MIL said to me today that my husband must be really happy with me "now that I learned to cook". Omg. She told me not to bother applying for jobs back when I was because I'd soon be home with the kids 🙈 I have to bite my tongue SO hard. Just me dealing with this generational nonsense?!

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Someone once gave advice on here to play dumb when given insulting comments. The idea being that when they have to explain the comment they feel stupid or at least they have to say the quiet part out loud. So maybe in this situation it would be something like, “I’m not sure what you mean. Can you explain?” Maybe you can get some perverse enjoyment from seeing her be so obviously not nice. Also OP, you are a saint. Clearly your MIL has some self esteem issues if she feels the need to put you down.

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You're better person than me for biting your tongue. I mouth off so now the comments have stopped! The comments about me when I'm not around on the other hand.... 😅

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This woman sounds batshit

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Gaahhhh I feel for you sister! I’m impressed that you didn’t bite back!

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I struggle with this with my mom and I recently decided to try not to take it personally. Are used to upset me when she would say things like “it really doesn’t take that long to cook, especially if you plan it out in advance.” In my opinion, it’s two hours from first chop to last dish in the dishwasher, even with meal kits, and that is two hours I’d rather spend on something else. I felt like she found my lack of cooking inadequate because of these little comments seemingly aimed at getting me to do it. She was a stay-at-home mom and I think she is just trying to relate to me. Her job was cooking and cleaning and running the house. I think it’s difficult for her when I tell her those are things I outsource or don’t have time for because it was literally her life for decades. There is a generational difference in perspective here that it will be hard to disabuse your MIL from. You’re smart to try to avoid conflict. Maybe over time you can share your way of thinking in other moments and it can help. With my mom, I’ve talked about the comic “The Mental Load” and I think it has helped her get where I’m coming from. I’ve also pointed out that she had a full day of labor and that I have a full day of labor (so I don’t have time to come home and start her job after mine ends). These have been ways to talk about the demands on my time without demeaning the activities that were her life’s work. And I have noticed a shift in her commentary to being more understanding. She still says things like “I know you working women don’t have time for X...” but it doesn’t grate on me so much.

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