Just venting. My husband is so much into watching his tv show that he is not at all interested in planning the baby shower or even in making the registry. It just feels that I am doing everything right now and his priorities are just around watching his TV show. I get that he needs his me time but our baby shower is few weeks away and we have not sent out the invite yet, do not have the registry finalized (I cannot do it as he wants to be involved or will make changes over my selection). Contd…

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Thanks everyone for the support. I did have the conversation with him and ended up window shopping at a baby store which just clicked in him that there are so many things that he isn’t aware and it is getting real. We also decided to divide and conquer things so it is not overwhelming for either of us.

likesmart

Great job! Even if he lapses, just nudge him. But be sure to give both of your space to get me-time. You both deserve it. This is a big change.

Thanks all for the support and kind words it is helping me get though this emotion and getting to a place where why am I waiting instead of doing it already and reducing my stress. I just needed a place to be heard

likesmart

I had GD while pregnant. I felt so defeated when I got the diagnosis. I can’t speak to your partner’s lack of help with the shower, but managing the GD will get easier and I now appreciate all the knowledge I gained about just how much sugar is in everything

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Sorry you’re going through this. It’s definitely something to talk it out with him. Let him know you need help. Specific asks worked better in my experience, like instead of a massive, vague “do the registry” it’s “you do nursery, I’ll do baby transport stuff”.

The zoning out watching tv may be a coping mechanism to stress so ask him how he’s doing and be kind but diligent in getting a real response (“I noticed your zoning out with the tv more, are you doing okay? How are you doing with our big news?”) Find ways to be productive in baby goals with tv in the background if needed so he’s involved but doesn’t feel overwhelmed.

We’ve all been there in some way. This is a major life change and we all react in our own ways. Communicate what you need as calmly as possible and be patient with yourselves - and if needed, adjust the shower date (if able) to take the pressure off or be flexible in expectations if gifts don’t turn around super quickly (there’s a whole holiday season coming up!)

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His focus is a TV show? What TV show?

likefunny

It was House of the Dragons. Which he is all caught up on now 🙄

I know what you feel. Ever since we have become pregnant, my husband has said a few times that I wanted the baby and he was ok to not have any kids. He implies I will be the primary care provider and is clear that if ever there needs to be a choice made between work or home etc.. I will have to be the one making them.
It just hurts but I am trying to let it slide thinking perhaps he didn't mean it and I don't want to take any stress that would affect the baby.
Just stay strong. I am hoping that the saying men become fathers after the hold the baby is true .

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I was told same things

It is just taking such an emotional toll on me. I’ve tried walking away but nothing gets done unless I do it. I have been so emotional this week as I got diagnosed with GD and just worried about it and want him to be there emotionally for me. He does not get it unless I get angry or cry. It is just a lot for me to take it right now. I know he really cares for me and is around whenever I need it but lately it has just been about his personal space. I do understand that he needs his time but I need him to be there with me emotionally without me telling him all the time

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Whose idea was the baby shower ? maybe he never wanted it in the first place but was forced into it by you ?

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It was our idea. He does want the shower and was excised about it but I do not know what switched and suddenly he is in a different zone. I do understand that he might be getting overwhelmed with things but it’s just getting too much for me to handle emotionally.

Im so sorry. I had this fear and we talked about it very early on. We both need our me-time (although ours is much harder to come by when we’re 24x7x10 months!) But I told him this is a reflection of how life will be like with baby here- I can’t carry the load. Either help me or I’ll do it all on my own (or get a nanny). And that night he stepped up. Started to read and started to engage and take a real role. Ask him what kind of role he wants to play: 1950s father, partner and daddy, or something in between. Mine chose partner and daddy so I told him what that would take to be successful vs lip service. That may be better than just saying “help me please.”

Quick tip on registry: I projected ours on the tv and we went through it together. Knocked out 6 strollers to 1 by watching YouTube videos on the big screen, found cute toys, etc. Give that a try and don’t stress mama!

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Have you expressed how you feel to him?

As long as you directly told him, I need you to focus on xyz and help me deal with my emotions on x. There is only so much you can do. Men can sometimes be oblivious to what you need.

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I’m sorry you’re going through this. I honestly had a similar experience where I felt like I was the only one in the relationship that did much in terms of planning. And I think it came from the fact that the pregnancy is just so much more real for the mom. My husband didn’t really start reading any pregnancy books until late in the second trimester - when it was so much more apparent I was physically pregnant and therefore, real to him. He didn’t help with the registry much and he definitely wasn’t involved in the shower (bc he didn’t attend)

My thoughts:
- could you get support with the shower from a friend or family member? You shouldn’t be throwing your own shower anyway!
- continue planning the registry, but I found it was fun to basically pick my fav items and then give my partner some options to choose from. Either that, or just straight up assign him items you’d like for him to research (aka, baby monitor, bathtub, car seat, etc) so that he has a more direct task at hand.
- I’d also just recommend expressing yourself if you can, one more time. Provide actionable ways he can contribute, even if that means listing out tasks. Start small and slowly ask for more. He may just not realize the extent to what needs to get done since you’ve been handling it so far.
Good luck! You got this mama! 💛

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