{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Just wanted to point out that the \"I have a micromanaging manager\" post below didn't call out the manager's gender, the way that people do when they're complaining about their female managers.", "post_id": "59fb00ade5d5c90011ea0d27", "reply_count": 13, "vote_count": 6, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d051", "bowl_name": "Consulting" }

Just wanted to point out that the "I have a micromanaging manager" post below didn't call out the manager's gender, the way that people do when they're complaining about their female managers.

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Not sure this is a case of 🍿. It's pretty straightforward––today's post just said "my manager micromanages me and I want it to stop," whereas past posts have literally said, "my female manager micromanages me. Why do women do this?" (And then of course various assholes respond with things like, "because she's probably unhappy in her family life," and so on.) This is what (one type of) workplace sexism looks like. It's not always as obvious as, "I don't think women are capable of leading" (as in that other post). In this case it's a little more subtle: people seeking and offering gender-based causes and "solutions" for women's behavior but leaving gender out of it entirely when men behave the exact same way.

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Maybe think about why that is?

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P2 I guess my problem with your #staystrong advice is that it amounts to saying "deal with it" I agree with OP that our response should be more than just telling women how they should navigate a toxic environment, but actually working to make it less toxic altogether

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My wife is a manager at a B4, and we talk a lot about gender differences in leadership dynamics and perception. What guys can do or say that gets glossed over vs if a woman was to do the same thing she would be labeled xxxxxx etc. I definitely understand the struggle is real. The advice I give her is to truly gain the support of the core leadership team above her, so they have her back, and then when dealing with peers, subordinates or other leadership, attempt to be cognizant of the disparity and use it to her advantage. Sometimes it’s ok to be perceived as a bitch, and sometimes it’s ok to truly be a bitch. But you never want to complain about either, because no one wants to be or perceived as a whiny bitch. 😉 #staystrong

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Agreed. Perceptions based around gender will most likely always exist.

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TRIGGERED

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P2 that's nice...but it does absolutely nothing to address the underlying issue.

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... That's one way to approach it. Not sure why you'd choose that way, though. Why not choose to believe we can do better and fight? Your advice to your wife should be augmented by your pointing out and actively fighting this stuff in your daily life.

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^yeah, but only because we naturally use pronouns in English. Communicating the gender in the course of regular description is not the same as specifically calling it out. The post didn't say, "my *male manager* always does x. Why do men do this?"

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🔥🍿

Also wait...it WAS specified, "how do I approach HIM about changing HIS approach..."?

OP, I do. However, men and women are different. The way they approach problems, the way they respond to situations, etc (not saying one way vs another is better, just different). It takes a mature and open mind to understand that different isn’t bad, and to see the value that different brings. I mean hell, that’s the whole racism thing.

^bingo. As men we need to hold each other accountable about this shit, and the idea that "this is how it is; gender judgments will always exist" is not helpful from that perspective.

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