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Just went through a bad breakup, we were about to get engaged and he ended it with little to no communication. How do I not let this feeling take over and focus with work (and my personal life).

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OP, first of all, I am so sorry. From a past experience also of a bad breakup, I know that sad, sinking feeling followed by this burning sensation and wondering why your heart is actually hurting. You will go over every detail like a film roll playing over and over in your head. You will miss him/her deeply. It will be like someone important died. People will tell you everything from try not to think about it to recommend meditating/yoga/exercise and to “focus on yourself”. I call bullshit on everything. It will take a toll on you, and you will feel like you hit rock bottom. My suggestion is to let it consume you. Cry, scream in anger, and have a weekend with a big bottle of wine. However put an expiration date to it. Decide when you’re just not going to do this mourning anymore. Put that on your calendar. It’s easier said than done, but I think it consumes you more to try to not think about it than when you let it flow. We are all human beings. That’s my 2 cents

likeupliftingsmarthelpful

Take a short break. Travel. Do what helps to process the feelings. It’s okay to feel the grief. Hugs 🤗

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I went to the beach for two weeks straight and had a NYE party with random people there. Also bought a designer handbag. Treat yourself, OP. This is the time you need the most love so give yourself a lot of it. Hangout with family and friends. Donate to charities. Cute animal photos help a lot as well. *big hugs* 🤗

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What Mck1 said so eloquently. I tried the big splurge, instant vacay, crazy ear piercing, drink-till-I’m-blind methods, but ultimately, it still took time, whole lot of introspection and defining my own boundaries without being a part of a relationship. One thing I’ll add to the set the deadline advice- also make sure you’ve dealt with the emotional baggage before committing to your next relationship- be it trust, commitment, security issues, whatever. Figure yourself out in this time and learn to like yourself (a lot)

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It may also be well worth your time to look into finding a good supportive counselor, and lots of therapists do video sessions these days which can help with scheduling during travel.

While it’s culturally ingrained to think that therapy is for “broken people,” think of it as hiring a consultant who is an expert at helping you process tough stuff and take great care of your mental and emotional health. Mine saved my sanity after a tough breakup

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And a pragmatic view: a person who breaks up with you this way is a person who did not deserve you. You are really better off without him. I know it is hard, most of us have been there, but rejoice in the fact that you avoided a major mistake. Treat yourself, exercise, have fun and move on. This person did not deserve you one bit.
PS. Unless he is terminally ill and disappeared to not sadden you, there is really no excuse for him. (I hope he’s not, this is tongue in cheek).
Sorry to be cold and pragmatic in times of pain, but you avoided a big mistake - try to be happy about that.

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Closure isn’t really a thing. It’s just you prolonging moving on. Sorry to be harsh, just speaking from experience.

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We were together for 6 years and living together. Some moments everything feels okay and I’m fine and then other moments I just break down entirely. I’ve tried reaching out, not to get back together, but to talk and get closure but he has no interest in talking and won’t respond to calls or texts. I just need to talk for closure and for myself but I’m afraid I’ll never get it.

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Op, this is coming to you from a girl who had a similar ending a few months ago. It completely broke me and I couldn’t get myself to see light.

You will go through a cathartic process and through it, you will heal. You will love yourself unconditionally. You will become a better person. You will find a new appreciation for life and all the people in your life.

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Going through a breakup now. I feel horrible since I was the one who called it off. Don’t worry girl. You’re not alone. We got this

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Create new and different fun memories on your own, w friends, fam. It’s hard when so many memories are tied to another individual so to get through the withdrawal, stay busy and do new things for yourself. Allow yourself to emote so you can move on.

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Okay so I did this recently. Were together for over 4 years. He had a ring. Then it just exploded. It will consume you. Honestly, I drank A LOT and went on a lot of random dates for months just to cope. Giving yourself a week to cry is great but it will consume you. I got on antidepressants for almost a year after and it really helped get me through in a way that my job wasn’t affected. Wellbutrin. I wasn’t ready to really get over it until months later and that’s okay. I never got closure with him but I got it for myself. It really sucks but find things that distract you enough that you can do your job. And like everyone else said, give yourself time to grieve.
For what it’s worth, this happened in March 2016. I met someone new last May and we just got engaged. It was so rough but I feel like I’m finally the best version of myself and I learned so much during my little breakdown year

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How long were you in this relationship? The standard by DivorceCare is for every 4 years in the relationship it takes 2 year to recover. While you were not technically married, you may want to use this rule of thumb especially if you were living together.

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I didn’t see a counselor but had some awesome friends who helped me through. I broke up under similar circumstances where not much explanation was provided so had to rationalize it in my own head but here’s the key, OP, regardless of the reason for the breakup you’re still going to go through all the motions. Don’t go chasing closure, it’s pointless. Focus on making sense of your future and move on.

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I liked what Mck 1 said. Going through a bad breakup right now. It feels like you don’t even know how to start.

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Make sure you get that closure girl!! Be selfish.

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McK 1 - I love you for saying all that 💗

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Girl, I am happy for you that he broke up with you instead of divorced. He did it sooner rather than later because he already knew. I’m sorry that he had trouble communicating or figuring out his feelings earlier, and had to do this while engaged. You deserve to be with someone who loved you unconditionally so that your love, which is so precious, isn’t wasted on an unrequited relationship.

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