Keep telling my peer to please stop stepping on my toes in meetings and I always propose a solution that puts the burden on me to help prevent these things from happening (like 1 on 1 debrief pre-meeting and sending her the agenda before the meeting so she doesn’t feel like she needs to “hop in”, change the subject and derail the conversation with our stakeholders who are already unfocused and like cats that need to be herded. (Cont...)

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Mind clarifying what you mean by “stepping on your toes”? I have some responses for this type of ish but I want to be sure.

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Fair. Now that I think about it, there’s not really anything else for me to do other than fix the problem. I think the debriefs and sending the agenda ahead will help a lot.

I think I’m just letting her feelings about it get to me too much. She was defensive about it and I feel her shutting down. I don’t want her to feel like I’m coming down on her but I also need her to stop because it’s a bad look and it’s just not productive. I wish she understood but she doesn’t and I can’t own that part.

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If you say she’s doing this when you give her opportunities to speak, give her less opportunities to speak. Try to prepare as much of the content as you can so that you don’t have to pivot to her.

If that’s not an option, you may have to “reel it back” by cutting in when she’s done presenting exactly what is needed in that moment. If there isn’t enough pause between when she’s done taking and when she fires off a question, jump in and reiterate that “at our last meeting or per the previous conversation we agreed blank now in the essence of time let’s move on to the next agenda item.”

smart

This is really smart. I could get the content from her in advance and have it queued up rather than inviting her to share her screen.

I’ve been doing the last thing you mentioned and I feel like the client is picking up on it. I want us to be a united front. I haaaate reminding/correcting her in these meetings and I’m hella self conscious about being perceived as being an aggressive/sassy/angry black woman. Which I know I should get over but I’m not over it.

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I have had the same issue with my senior. For example she will say I’m going to pass it to *me* to explain and then will explain what I was supposed to say and I’m like okay I am not going to repeat what you already explained to the client. It got really bad and I just had to ping her and say hey you’re really great with speaking and such but I want to develop my confidence and well. I make all the stuff you present anyways so I know what to say. I might not say it exactly how you might but that’s okay. Share. She felts really bad and explained that she was trying to make sure she didn’t overload me, but I explained to her while I appreciated her being considerate, she never asked me if that was how I was feeling, she just made that assumption. It was a really tough conversation and when we divided up the tasks more evenly my workload shifted to be much more intense. But I managed everything with ease and delivered extreme value to the client. Totally kicked ass and she backed off (kind of).

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This is so interesting because we’ve had similar conversations where she’s overstepped and told me her reason was “I didn’t want to overload you.” She always thinks she’s helping me. Is this a thing? Do they really think they’re helping us by not giving us space to breathe or is this just a go to excuse? lol Glad to hear your girl backed up a little though. I am expecting mine to likely just stop talking in meetings at all in protest. But jokes on her... I really want her to stfu anyway so I can run a productive meeting.

I’ve been in this position before and tried to explain to someone who continually got in the way and when I got tired of it and explaining cut her off from the meetings entirely. This is not my preferred line of action but if I tell you over and over again and you don’t get it there’s no point in my mind derailing a whole project just because one individual doesn’t get it and refuses to take corrective action to heart.
Mathis is different from making mistakes and it sounds like you really care for her success and development which is great but sometimes taking a “hard” stance is essential for progress and growth. It’s how I manage my kids and work with others.

smart

I can tell she’s getting frustrated with it, but she keeps apologizing and continuing to do it. She asked for grace today and I explained my asking her what happened and proposing a solution is the grace. Any thoughts on what I should do from here? I feel her shutting down.

lol You good!

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Why does she need to be in the meeting? You said she was your peer, but shouldn’t one of you be the lead and the other the team member?

Happy to share my thoughts, but wanted to get a bit more clarity on the situation.

Got back to this late, sorry. But I think you have your answer. No longer invite her to meetings and shoot her an email with key takeaways from your meeting that she needs to be aware of.

When she can come correct to a meeting, then she’ll be invited back (or if the client requests that). Otherwise, ✌🏾

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