Kind of a random question, but does anyone have any advice on dealing with someone with borderline personality disorder?

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I have BPD (been in therapy since i was a teen) and got my masters in psychology before law school. Every person with BPD has their own issues and quirks, but overall (w/o knowing anything about the person or your issues) I would say assume the person is overthinking everything. Many people with BPD have anxiety issues that manifest with control related coping mechanisms (trouble letting go of anything, trouble delegating, not trusting a delegation, etc.)
Feel free to chat on here or DM if you want more specific advice.

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I grew up with a sibling with bpd, she was diagnosed several times but mostly untreated. In my personal experience it never got better but I got better at dealing with it. I started noticing when she was in her phases of mood swings and tried to distance myself some during those periods, but still listened to her if she wanted to talk. I also don’t spend extended periods of time with her and mostly talk on the phone or short trips. Generally, I encouraged therapy and tried not to start conflict with her when she was in a negative place.

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Check out "grey rock method".

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Second this

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What specifically are you dealing with re bpd?

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My advice. Run. 🏃 I dealt with this with a SO who refused to follow his treatment plan after diagnosis. He was manipulative and constantly threatening to harm himself and blaming it on me. It’s exhausting and it takes a special person to deal with someone that has BPD. You already have enough stress at work, don’t add to it at home.

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You deserve better. I would run while you still can. You will find love again

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First, make sure it's bpd and not narcissism. What kinds of interactions are we talking about? Is it with a partner or senior associate?

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It seems like narcissists may be aware of their behavior and just not care where BPD generally just can’t control it without a lot of therapy/work. Ultimately, seems like the same outcome in terms of the effect on the person dealing with them.

Recognizing that it's bpd is half the battle, so you don't fall into the traps they like to set to create chaos and conflict.

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Promote them to partner and blame the associates for their mistakes, obviously

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There's a great non profit called Emotions Matter that is all about recognition and treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder. I believe they also have an area for friends/family on how to deal with people who have BPD.

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Google "DBT for family members of BDP" and your city. There are some amazing classes/groups out there, many free, like Family Connections, for example.

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Being patient is my best advice. My best friend had undiagnosed BPD until she was 25. Just remember that they can’t always control their behaviors and it has nothing to do with you if they are upset.

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I appreciate it. She for sure can’t control how she’s feeling/acting, and although she can get really mean I can see it’s from a place of sadness and she doesn’t enjoy acting that way.

People with BPD don’t have a stable sense of self and struggle with an overwhelming fear of abandonment, as well as exceptionally strong emotions. Their emotional development is severely stunted somewhere in the toddler to 3 year old stage. They also often struggle with empathy. I think you need to put on your oxygen mask with therapy so that you can best support her. You can do this, especially if she’s willing to admit she needs help. But it’s too much without professional support

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I have LOTS of thoughts. DM me. My mother and one of my friends both have Borderline PD.

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It will be important for you to figure out why you chose this person as a potential life partner. You likely have some kind of childhood trauma. Have you been in therapy? Do you know why you were so attracted to someone so unstable? Please do not think that even for a moment I am criticizing or judging. I most certainly am not. I’ve been there, in my own way. I was hopefully in love with a narcissist for many years. He wasn’t actually a terrible guy. And there was so much I liked and still would like about him. But he is utterly emotionally unavailable. And that is unlikely to ever change. It was only after years of therapy that I was able to see that my parents both have narcissist tendencies and are not truly emotionally available or safe for me. My pickers broken. But fortunately my brain is not.

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It’s my SO. Extreme rage followed by crying in bed for hours that lasts for days and days in reaction to a relatively minor slight or perceived slight, with a whole false narrative around it in her head.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. The best advice I can give you is to take care of yourself first, spend time with your friends and family so that you don't become isolated, and work through this with your own therapist. I think therapy is a must especially for the BPD person, but I can only speak to experience with a close family member who would not go to therapy and, when they did, lied to the therapist which made therapy ineffective. In my experience, without therapy for the BPD person, an actual desire to improve from the BPD person, and with progressively worsening behavior, many people had to go low or no contact, even though they love the BPD person, to protect their own health. I don't know what the right approach will be for you, but working through it with your own therapist is a good start.

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