Kinda related to my other IVF question - during the process do you let your manager know what's going on? On the one hand I worry about career progression but on the other hand it's awkward (cont)

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Your focus is the baby, promotions can happen anytime, but not baby. 42yr Male Fish, still childless. Whatever makes it easy on you to have a smooth ivf matters. Nothing else. Best wishes, hope it will be good news. Period

We have enrolled adoption now. I strongly recommend couples to have a plan B, but in parallel to plan A. Lost a lot if time in life because of sequencing it.

likeuplifting

Thank you! Appreciate the advice and well wishes. 🙂

Depends on your relationship with your manager and your needs. Once you start your cycle, you will most likely have daily injections with morning monitoring appointments - usually blood draw and sonogram. At first it’s every 3 days or so but towards the middle/end you will need them daily. These usually occur first thing in the am. If you are near a site they can test and transmit back to your clinic, great. I think most people may work remote.

Since your date of retrieval depends on your trigger date and progress, and you have daily monitoring appointments, the last week you are best to remain flexible.

Highly recommend taking a day if not two off during retrieval some people are fine and can go back to work that afternoon, others need more time. Since you go under anesthesia, it’s a good idea not to drive that day or at least for a few hours. Most recommend all day.

likehelpful

I opted to sneak around. The dr office is close to my office so I can get away with it a lot of days and I have a bank of excuses ready for other days. My worry isn’t so much people will not be understanding but more the subconscious thinking of “she’ll be pregnant soon and then on mat leave again so I should probably give this opportunity to John instead". Again, not conscious but I suspect it happens. I’d rather not lose opportunities when it’s hard enough doing IVF and it could be years before I’m on mat leave.

If you feel like that’s not the case at your firm, awesome and I would totally say something. It will make your life so much easier.

likehelpful

That's my concern, the subconscious thinking of "she's gonna leave at some point so I have to think of contingencies and bring someone else on". I'm not so worried about the present role (I am on a relatively stable long term project) just more about perception and consideration in the future, especially if this drags on a while.

like

I have notified my SM as well as leadership about my IVF cycles (currently undergoing 5th cycle) and they have been very flexible and supportive. This is a journey that needs you to be relaxed and stress free. I would prefer not to worry about daily excuses and being judged for sneaking out. On promotion- this is coming from a high performing manager- acting SM on account with full leadership support- still I am willing to take a break on my promotion year, if at all needed- but that’s my priority, your’s can be different.

helpful

Thank you so much for sharing!

like

... sneaking around to appointments (and just vaguely saying "out of office"). And then taking days off sick but in advance, so seems suspicious otherwise.

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