Ladies! 1 year out of college and currently making double what my boyfriend makes (high $80k vs. $45k) - I donā€™t have an issue with it and neither does he, but I do anticipate this trend of me making more continuing (bc consulting). Heā€™s thinking of becoming a teacher (and currently a paralegal). Not sure what my question is but just kind of hoping for some reassurance that Iā€™m not crazy/being naive for currently being fine with a potentially life long/growing salary gap?

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What are your goals and what are your shared goals?

Pls note I am not talking about your WANTS, I am talking about your GOALS. What are you mapping out and planning for, in a way that influences your decision-making short and long term?

Within 6-12mo of dating, that šŸ‘† should be a regular part of your conversations and relationship. If youā€™re not that long in the tooth yet, keep having fun sis!

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Be intentional, for sure. Money is a loaded topic and too important to hope it just organically comes up one day. If you donā€™t know where youā€™re going, you donā€™t know if youā€™re making the right moves to get there

My favorite way to do this is a Money Date. This is a standing, recurring night where you crack open a bottle of wine, order your favorite takeout, and sit down with your questions, goals, spreadsheets, whatever. You make it consistent & expected, you make it pleasurable, you make it a safe neutral space to dream and concretely plan, you make sure itā€™s not a negotiation room, and you make sure you both know to listen with empathy to what might make the other person uncomfortable or vulnerable ā€” and voila, it becomes empowering. The MAIN goal is to have a way to sync up on what you want and how youā€™ll get thereā€¦ not to solve a specific budget problem over one conversation.

First one? Hella awkward. Itā€™s ok to pump the breaks early bc you know and trust youā€™ll revisit the topic in X amt of time.

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This is how it is for me and my husband (met in college). We always knew it would be the case because of different career paths. Heā€™s in education and will never earn a huge salary. For us, itā€™s irrelevant in terms of our relationship. We handle finances as all one pot and weā€™re a team. Married 18 years. How you approach money together is important along with how you communicate, show love and respect, support each other, and work through problems and hard times. If heā€™s a good guy and good for you, the salary gap itself isnā€™t a problem.

likeuplifting

Seconding that you have to figure out my goals. Iā€™m gunning for partner and my husband is a stay at home dad - these were both of our goals pre-kids. Is it the dynamic every family wants? Probably not. Did it align with our goals? Yes

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Only you can answer this question ā€” based on your vision of / goals for the future. Is it the gap that bothers you? Or the combined household income potential? - Or are you concerned about carrying more of weight as the primary bread winner?

You note heā€™s okay with it. How do those convos go? Do you feel like thereā€™s complementary support / give take in other areas to equal out? Do you feel like heā€™s willing to pick up the slack with consulting hours / demanding career? There are other facets that make a home / relationship function, or things that factor into what makes a good partnership (from household mgmt/upkeep type tasks, to childcare / carting around, to emotional support, etc). It becomes an issue, not in inequitable contributions, financially, but as a whole.

Last thought: Have you spent time digging in/exploring why thereā€™s something in the back of your mind, making you question whether it would be okay for you to make more than your partner? ā€” some ā€œunspokenā€ societal messages / expectations of masculinity/ā€œtraditionalā€ gender roles of the past are may be popping up. If you think this could be playing a part in the discomfort, there are a lot of couples in similar situations to reach out to (self included) and resources out there to help unpack what it means to be a man / woman today, ā€” and undefining traditional roles and traits, for deeper connection and more fulfilling relationships in the long run.

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ā˜šŸ½especially the last paragraph

My hubby and I are the same.

Heā€™s a teacher and Iā€™m in Consulting. Heā€™s my house hubby. I donā€™t need him to earn more than me ever. Why? Because I can be the breadwinner and provide for us as long as he is supportive of my career.

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