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Enthusiast
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Extraversion. Intuition. Feeling. Perceiving <3
So Arnold Boston is closing?
Enthusiast
Conversation Starter
Conversation Starter
Extraversion. Intuition. Feeling. Perceiving <3
So Arnold Boston is closing?
Chief
As a single F and much older than you, I feel offended by this post..
If you aren’t happy, leave the relationship. Regardless of age. Nobody gets a medal for staying in anything longer than they should.
Enthusiast
41F here, never married, no kids, handful of long-ish term relationships in the last 20 years and living my best life. No regrets, and if I only meet the man of my dreams when I’m 50, that’s fine by me because I won’t settle for less. Caveat: I’ve never wanted kids, so slightly different to what OP seems to want, but just wanted to add my two cents about not staying in relationships for fear of being alone.
Very similar to you PwC1! 41F, never married, no kids, handful of long-ish term relationships in the last 20 years. Living my best life, no regrets!
In my early 20s, I EXPECTED I would get married and have kids. By 30, I realized I was OPEN to marriage/kids, but didn’t NEED that. By 32/33, it became clear I had only been putting pressure on myself to try and WANT all of that.
Over the course of that decade, I had dated three of the nicest guys in the world, so this shift wasn’t influenced by bad dating experiences. I spent the rest of my 30s dating with an understanding of exactly who I am and what I was looking for. I’m 3 years into a very happy relationship with a man who also doesn’t want children and also does not feel pressure to get married. We do talk about marriage and it is in our future, but it will happen on our terms/timeline …. Who knows when!
My only point to OP is, your wants/needs may change over time (or they might stay the exactly the same) as you collect experiences, successes, mistakes, and years 😉 Just stay in tune to YOUR wants/needs, not what you think or have been told is ‘right’ or ‘normal’.
Pro
I met my husband when I was 22, married at 28, kids at 31, 33, and 36.
My SIL dumped her bf of a decade when she was 31, met her now husband at 32, married at 33, first baby last fall at 35.
We all walk our own paths. Don’t let the time you’ve spent in the relationship be the main reason you stay in it.
P1 the sad one is you, commenting under every post about someone you don’t know. Go be hateful somewhere else. ✌🏼
Married at 20, first kid at 25 second at 28, divorced at 2 days before 34th bday. Dont be afraid of marrying late. Be afraid of marrying the wrong one
Chief
^^
Got married at 35 and now pregnant at 36! Also had many fears of becoming too old!! Don’t listen to these other young ladies on here afraid of age.
Congrats!
Enthusiast
I got married at 37, and had my kids at 38 and 39. 🤷🏻♀️
Chief
My grandma had my dad and uncle at 38 and 39 (they were her first children), and on my mom’s side, my grandma had an oops child at 40. Obviously all without assistance. It can definitely happen.
Rising Star
You’ll be fine, your eggs don’t start to go bad until around 30’s and doctors arnt worried as long as you deliver by age 35 🤣
My sister had first kid at 37- no ivf
Enthusiast
The fear of being single and childless at your age shouldn’t be the reason you stay in your relationship if it isn’t right for you. I know it’s easier said than done though.
I was lucky to have come across and gotten to know people who are older than me who have been divorced, never married, dated on/off for decades, and/or childless AND are living happy lives. These experiences helped me learn that it’s okay to be single (or in a relationship) at any age. The child part, I guess it depends on a few different factors, but there are options out there.
Chief
Great response. I’m 28, no prospects of marriage but I also don’t really care one way or the other if I have kids (especially don’t care if I have them by way of natural birth, tbh I would prefer to do surrogate or even more preferably adopt). Life is so much better when you define it how you want versus societal norms. No need to do things on a timeline or traditionally.
I wholeheartedly empathize with you. Myself, looking back, everything seemed like the end of the world at the time. I get the worry because you can’t see your future. But, I’m also oh my gosh so darn triggered right now. I would KILL to be single and 26 again. TAKE THE WHEEL JESUS. You’re at your prime to do anything you want and you can be with anyone you want too. Focus on what makes you consistently happy and this is the best time to live out your dreams, without anything holding you back.
Yesssss - everything you said. I was the same and regret it now!
Enthusiast
26….I was 28 when I started my first relationship
Chief
I was 32!
29F single no kids and honestly living my best life. Don’t waste time or energy in a bad relationship because you’re scared of being alone
Chief
My mom got pregnant at 38. Friends mom at 45. If you want to have your own kid by natural birth you’re still young but you can also look into freezing eggs if you’re worried. Also, can adopt do surrogacy etc
Chief
It’s up to you. But IVF does not have a guarantee of success and costs $15k/rd. Many couples require 2-3 rounds. First try success rate is circa 55% for women under 35. It plummets to under 10% for women over 40.
There’s other risk factors introduced, including to the mother’s health at such an age as well as just complete failure. See the story of Brigitte Adams — she froze 11 eggs in plans to have a kid later and focus her career. When she unfroze them at 45 and tried implantation, all 11 failed.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/national/wp/2018/01/27/feature/she-championed-the-idea-that-freezing-your-eggs-would-free-your-career-but-things-didnt-quite-work-out/
Not a lady, but you are very very young
Enthusiast
Girl, 26? Take a breath. I understand society puts pressure on us females to be married and have children early but you are SO young still.
Me, I’m 31F. Not married. No kids. In a long-term relationship but we will see what happens. I hope it works but if it doesn’t that’s also okay. I was with the wrong person for a long time and recognize the value in being with a good person versus meeting some arbitrary, fictitious timeline. I see my friends married with children and some of them are clearly with the wrong person. It’s been eloquently said already in this thread but worth reinforcing—you are better off single than with the wrong person.
Don’t find excuses to stay in a relationship. Get your eggs frozen so you can have a safety net and this will also help you think more clearly about whether to break up with this person and find someone who is a better fit. It is an entirely different ballpark if you want kids so unfortunately you do have to keep in mind the biological clock.
I listened to too many people who told me to take my time, people have kids after 35 all the time, what are you worrying about etc etc.
Found out too late that they woefully misinformed, and missed my window to have biological children. Women used to be expected to start having kids at 20/21 but in the major cities (don’t know where you live) I think there’s been a huge pendulum swing to encouraging women to get settled in career/have a life first and the have kids in late 30s. It’s a great idea - if you have frozen your eggs. It’s a horrible idea if you haven’t as there is a dramatic drop off in fertility after 35.
Sure, there’s plenty of anecdotes of people having kids in their late 30s without any assistance like IVF but they’re just that - anecdotes. The data shows it’s statistically MUCH more difficult.
Moral of the story - freeze your eggs.
Pro
If having bio kids is important to you for your whole possibly long life, than the extra few years of storage are worth it imo. Especially for women in fields where you have to put in long hours for 6+ figures.
I believe things fall into place when they’re supposed to. I just had to learn to get out of my own way. I married my high school sweetheart at 27, after 10 years of being together. Things fell apart and and I was divorced by 30. Had to short sell our home and basically start all over. In hindsight, I probably should have ended that relationship 5 years in but it’s easy to see the red flags now. So when I wasn’t looking for it, and on New Year’s Eve of the same year I was divorced, I met an amazing man. We were pregnant a few months later and only this year got married. Our daughter is 8 lol. I had to mourn the loss of what I thought should have been, let go of expectations and timelines, and learn to be happy for myself and by myself. I did a lot of work on myself the year I got divorced. I’m 39 now and we just bought our first home. My story is definitely not linear, but I think society has fed us this picture of how things “should” be. So much so that we feel we have failed when it doesn’t work out that way. There is more than one way to live a life.
That is beautiful
Rising Star
Just had my first at 35. Got pregnant on the first try, had an uncomplicated home birth, and have a wonderfully healthy, alert and engaging daughter.
Strongly believe that having a kid with the wrong partner is way worse and unhealthier than having kids at the "wrong" age
Congrats!
Enthusiast
Sunken cost fallacy is real. Don’t waste your valuable time with not your soulmate.
If this is how you feel at 26, please go to therapy. I know that advice is (annoyingly) thrown around too easily on this app. But in this case, please talk to a professional about why you feel this way.
No matter your age, it’ll be difficult to be happy with anyone with this mindset. You need to be happy alone first.
Chief
51. Married 43. Kids never.
You are so young! Single and child free in your. 20s is fantastic. Even more so in your 30s!
At what age did you meet your husband if you don’t mind me asking
I feel like relationships that come at more mature ages oftentimes move faster. We’ve all got our heads on a little better. If this guy isn’t right for you, dump him. The right guy could come along so quickly. You’re not doing yourself any favors staying with a maybe.