Ladies, FTM here and I’m struggling.. He’s only 3 days old, I delivered vaginally and had to be stitched up and my hemorrhoids are screaming in pain. My breast milk hasn’t come in so we are using donor breast milk to feed him. I don’t know what I’m doing. I feel lost and like a terrible mom cos I cannot for the love of me focus on my kid. Anyone else feel this way?

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Yes, for sure. Stitches were uncomfortable, couldn’t sit upright, lots of pain and swelling, I hear that. If you do want to try breastfeeding just remember that you nursing the baby is what communicates to your body to produce milk so you would have to keep at it to trigger your body to produce in addition to any supplementing you are doing. If it doesn’t work out just know that feeding your baby and caring for yourself however it gets done is all that matters. You are not a terrible mom - it is a STEEP learning curve that every mom goes through. Agree with above, 2 week sprints! Sleep when baby sleeps, let the house be a mess and let others help.

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FWIW, my kids are now 9 and 11 and there are still lots of days when I feel like I don’t know what I am doing, like I am lost, and like I can’t focus on my kids. I promise it gets better. Mostly because the physical exhaustion eventually levels out right about the time when they start to get really emotionally and intellectually interesting. You are all going to be fine. Don’t ever forget to reach out for help when you need it and know that you are not alone in the journey or in in the way that you feel.

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EVERYONE feels this way on day 3 mama hang in there!

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EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US - and if people say otherwise they forget. It is a blur. Focus on two week sprints - each two weeks promises progress

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Ladies, I can’t thank you enough for all these words of encouragement. TMI, I pushed my first big 💩 after 5 days of not being able to thanks to the hemorrhoids and feel SO much better physically even tho there’s still pain. I’m trying to be in the moment and enjoy whatever is happening but I needed to hear this from other moms. Still struggling with a lot of things such as supply etc but I’m just gonna go with the flow cos I realized that there’s no point in stressing out as it only impacts my mental and physical health negatively. Listening to other mamas in the same boat is definitely helpful. Thank you ladies, literally taking it by the hour!

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You are doing great momma!! And no shame in giving formula if you have supply issues

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Congratulations on your little one! And a vaginal delivery, how powerful! This is the first time you’ve done it - how would you know what to do? Ask for help with everything from filling a water bottle to walking to the bathroom. Keep feeding the baby however you choose/can. All moms have been there. You will find your path and what works best for you and your family. Love to you! 🤍

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YES. Time and grace for myself is what it took. Talking it out with a partner or family/friend you trust to just listen also helped tremendously. Even just saying out loud the things I was feeling or thinking without expecting a solution or response is cathartic. I took a lot of walks outside to get away from the physical location of my couch or nursing chair where I parked myself for hours on end, just to clear my head. Fed is best! And you are all your baby needs! You’ll get through it! Hugs!

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The beginning is so tough- you just went through a huge emotional/ physical transition. Know you are not alone and give yourself grace. It gradually starts to get better and easier.

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The first two weeks were the hardest of my life, hang in there! Highly recommend getting a donut pillow for the stitches/hemorrhoids. Focus on feeding and sleeping (both you and baby!), and outsource everything else if I can (to a spouse or even hire help if you need to). We didn't truly figure out breastfeeding until 6 weeks. It's hard, but you've got this!

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Plus, all frida products.

I feel you Mama! I had an awful delivery experience, never got supply and had hemheroids the size of Jupiter. The first few weeks are SO HARD. Call for help, rest when you can, try to focus on healing your body when you can. You did your job getting baby out and kiddo needs you to be healthy and sane more than they need any specific thing in these next few days. ❤️❤️

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Take it literally hour by hour, mama! We all feel like this. First time moms, second time moms, third time moms. IT IS HARD! Have someone else (your spouse, your mom, a friend) help with everything. Keep on top of your pain management, put baby to boob as much as possible, eat and drink water. That’s ALL you are responsible for. YOU ARE DOING GREAT!! Even when you feel like you’re failing, you are doing great. This is hard, but we were made to do hard things!

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Yes, yes and yes!!! Hang on mama! You are doing great. You just delivered a healthy baby! More power to you. Day 2/3 is the worst… any chance you took a shower yet? I felt like new person post shower and wearing my own clothes.

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I haven't read all the comments but wanted to chime in to say that it's okay to use formula too. I desperately wanted to exclusively breastfeed my 2 kiddos. I tried everything. Domperidone, constant pumping, making the cookies, consultants coach me, and a bunch of other shit that I can't even remember. Some women just don't make enough milk and I feel the mom groups overemphasize "breast is best" when really a fed baby and a less stressed mom is best. Listen to your body, not some "supposed to rules" and know that it's okay to stop whenever you're ready. Good luck mama.

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Am one month in and felt the exact same! The first two weeks were hell. It does get better! Still struggling but know it’ll continue to get better. Ended up doing full formula by week 6 and it took a lot of stress away. I had third degree tear and it has been a bit of a struggle but it gets better each week and I just started pelvic floor therapy. Message me if you have questions !

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This was me the first 3 months!! Please do not feel guilty.

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Same. My guy was a Preemie so I wasn’t even allowed to take him home for three weeks. Be kind to yourself. My supply got better but not a ton. If I did it over again I’d hook myself to the pump constantly to try to stimulate supply. You will be great. This is just a crazy process.

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Please talk to your doc or the pediatrician if you are feeling really down. I avoided it for too long and felt so much better after starting some anxiety medicine.

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Honestly love this app because of the community it provides. You ladies are amazing !

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Yes!! Hang in there! I got a miracle night nurse to help me - Mary poppins in my book. Reach out if you need help for a few weeks. No shame in having someone take over while you recover. It takes a village

I know a doula/lactation/sleep coach/EMT that travels and does this. It’s not cheap but she is worth the cost.

Agree with all the above! Take it day by day and don’t be afraid to take pain killers, Ibuprofen or Tylenol work wonders. Also, a stool softener helped with both my postpartem recoveries. Finally, I also recommend the witch hazel pads on your pad to help with cooling and healing stitches, they should also help with hemmroids. You got this!

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