{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Ladies - how do you balance time at your SO’s family vs yours? Mine is closer and easier to get to (driving distance on East Coast), whereas his is on the West Coast and requires a week’s vacation to make worthwhile. Continued.", "post_id": "609219e6785474002bd39991", "reply_count": 9, "vote_count": 3, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting" }

Ladies - how do you balance time at your SO’s family vs yours? Mine is closer and easier to get to (driving distance on East Coast), whereas his is on the West Coast and requires a week’s vacation to make worthwhile. Continued.

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If both of you have good relationships with your families, then I do think it’s fair for him to ask you to go visit his family once a year and you should go if you can. So that would be a week out of your 3 weeks of vacation a year. Highly recommend you set some boundaries in advance if you feel strongly - like you want one day to just yourselves while you’re out there, or a couple of date nights, whatever it is. Family is weird to navigate and how you deal with it will be totally unique, but just make sure you’re both on the same page about it. Totally valid that you feel tired with all the visits and don’t exactly have the same cultural expectations around extended family, but barring any major issues, I think you should see them if he asks. What you said is pretty mild and I don’t see why you couldn’t share those feelings with him.

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PS I drag my feet visiting my husbands family and they live an hour away, we probably see him a few times a year. My parents live 5 hours away and they come stay with us once a month. It works because he’s also not as close with his family so it’s not really about the distance for us

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If you are serious about the relationship, you should be willing to take the time off and travel once a year. I feel you - my husband's family lives on another continent, don't speak English (my only language) and the food in the country he's from is frankly not good. Even though his parents are great (genuinely might prefer them to mine 🙈 if not for the language barrier), the 12 hour flight and week of vacation I have to take to basically be mute and eat potatoes is not the highlight of my year. But it's important to him so it's not really even a question

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I’m in an LDR - I’m on the west coast and my bf is on the east coast. I know the flights are long but are you sure you need a full week to make it “worth it”? We usually do a long weekend - Thursday night to Sunday night. That would help limit your need to use PTO

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I also was wondering this. Plus why do you need to take off the full week? Can't you work some time (like mornings or half days) OP so you don't use a week if you have no plans during the day?

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This is a great question. Following

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Same situation but reversed roles. We live within 30 minutes driving of my husbands parents and mine are a 6 hour flight away. We always do thanksgiving with his parents (actually we see them every month at least) and then yes we fly to my parents for Xmas and spend a week there. My husband is such a good sport about it. He will work remotely from my parents place to save PTO days. Sometimes my parents fly over to us and spend a week here too. My husband and I are both only children and we both will heavily accommodate seeing our respective parents.

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Echoing a few others here - can you work remote for a few days when you visit the west coast? I’m in pretty much the same exact scenario and we often work from my husbands parents house and then only take off thanksgiving day or something. We still get to see his parents in the evenings for dinner each day and working during the day gives a break from all the family socializing to make it more manageable

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I also feel a lot more comfortable at my parents’ vs his, for obvious reasons, but also because his family is a lot more open and wants me to meet ALL the relatives whenever I’m in any area near a relative (even if on vacation). Which, in my upbringing, is a bit unusual (since we’re not engaged/married) and also exhausting from a personal perspective. I know I should be more willing, but there’s a large part of me that doesn’t want to spend a six hour flight and week of vacation at his parents’...especially when I only get three weeks of vacation a year. Whereas if they were local, I’d be more willing to see them more often, as his parents are lovely. I already join regular family zooms and “see” them and know them through those. I don’t know how to navigate the fact that he’s picked up on the fact that I’m not so keen to go to see his family as readily. Would you have advice? What works for you?

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