Ladies, I am in need of some objective advice... I recently started seeing someone, but discovered he has not fully broken up with his gf. They have been on and off for months, and he doesn't want to hurt her feelings - so he is waiting for her to fully break off with him. Typing this, I already know what I should do, but I cannot let go of the feeling that he and I are meant to be. He has apologized many times, said he loves me and has asked me to wait for him. What should I do?

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Even if he really is over her and loves you, do you actually want to be with a man who has zero communication skills and can’t stand up for the woman he loves? There is something seriously wrong with him

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I know you are right. Just so hard to accept..

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Sounds like he loves you the way Tristan loves Khloe. You and the GF both deserve better. It sounds like you are over-romanticizing the idea of him and finding your person VS looking at who he really is - a guy cheating on his gf and asking you to put your life on hold so he can keep cheating. A rule that has served me well is don’t date anyone you would tell your best friend not to.

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Make a list of all his cons, large and small, and pull it up everytime you want to call him...after dumping and blocking his a**, yesterday!

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My rational thinking goes out the window when I get in my feels about my ex. Don’t beat yourself up, it happens!

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Thanks everyone. You are the mirror I needed. Based on your guidance, I told him how I felt and that I needed to leave this - so that he can deal with whatever he needs to deal with. I also expressed some worry about trust between us even if we were together again. He said he was heartbroken that I would say that / doubt him. He hasn't responded to my texts or calls since this exchange. My heart hurts so badly.

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Been there - get out and stay out. He seems very manipulative in my opinion.

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I know it’s so tough. And it’s the most cliché thing ever, but the person you’re meant to be with wouldn’t make you feel like this or make you wait. You deserve to be a priority.

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I remember some guy admitted to me on date 5 that he has been emotionally dating some girl in another country for the past 5 years, and wanted to date me for 6 months to see if it would be ‘worth it’ to break up with her for me. Some people are insane.

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Pwc and MC1 unfortunately for the right guy a lot of women would do this! I’ve seen amazing women fall for such shenanigans even though all their friends (including me) were telling them to run! I haven’t had a guy be so bold but I’m sure I could’ve definitely entered into a situationship at one time

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OP, let me reframe your original post.

Q: Just found out the guy I’m seeing is actually cheating on his girlfriend and I’m the side piece. What should I do?

A: Run girl, run.

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The fact that his no is not a no and his yes is not a yes raises all the red flags. How will you base a solid relationship on faulty foundation

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Girl if he is stringing the girl along and telling her sweet nothings, he is deceiving another woman and isn’t man enough to tell her like it is to “be with the woman he loves.” The man is trying to have his cake and eat it too. He absolutely can break up with her but he hasn’t. That’s a choice. Also how are you “recently discovering this?” It doesn’t sound like he was forthcoming and is now trying to backtrack. Don’t fool yourself here into trying to tell us all that the red flags are in fact yellow. They are bright red!

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Not him asking you to understand he is in a multi-year relationship!?! Girl no. He is still living with her. He isn’t fully committed to you. Seriously a man trying to have his cake and eat it to. No way he has made it clear to his girlfriend that they are broken up. Honestly this is nuts - run away!

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Girllllll, come on now! You know and deserve better. Be strong and end this, then block him.
Also you should never entertain being with him again, it will only end in being cheated on and you playing yourself for a fool.
Plenty of men out their who will prove to you “if he wanted to, he would”.

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“He and I are meant to be”. Exactly how? He seems like a liar, cheater and a gaslighter. Are these the hallmarks of your soulmate? If you answer yes, you’re selling yourself short and doing yourself a big disservice. You need to change your perspective here.

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You hanging around isn’t pushing him to end things with his girlfriend any faster. End it and see what actions he takes.

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I mean say he does break up with her, would you still wanna be with him?

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But who is he really hurting? You - the answer is you! He needs to deal with the unfinished business with his ex and release the baggage. When ex’s are NOT over each other they go back to each other and in the end who will be hurt? - You!

In any relationship or situationship - CHOOSE YOU!

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Hi Op - by clinging to this situation you are betraying yourself. He also sees that and that will impact how he continues to see you. Self respect is quite attractive - be thoughtful what you signal to him from that angle as well.

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You’re not meant to be. I’m sorry. Have totally been here. He’s manipulating you.

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Especially as women, we have an easy time looking outward and identifying when someone isn’t treating someone else correctly. We often have a hard time doing that for ourselves. This man is not showing you love. He’s stringing you along and blaming you for his actions. You deserve love from someone who wants to give it freely. Try to see this situation as if you are your best friend. You’d hope she’d stay away from him. It’s easy to feel that people here don’t see the good side of him. I’m sure he has great qualities, but don’t settle for someone who will always put you behind themselves and their preferences at that time. He is not a partner in the sense that you truly want. As hard as it is now, believe that by leaving him, you’re keeping the path open for true love.

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Please honor yourself and leave him. You deserve so much better.

How come he is not worried about hurting your feelings if he is so caring? His gf probably had no clue they are in again, off again. I think that is more his way of showing him to cheat when"they are off".

If he truly loved you and wanted to be with you, you would be his priority and he would have left her a long time ago. He would put your feelings first. And if he needed to sort things out, a better man would tell you that he can't be with you until he ends things with his gf before he can move on.

He is taking advantage of your kindness and big heart. This is a classic movie plot where the side girl (you) learns she has wasted her time and love on a cheating scumbag.

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You are attached to the feeling not the man. “The feeling that he and I are meant to be”. Maybe that perspective will help you detach a bit, you are in a relationship with an idea of your future.

likesmart

Thank him for an enjoyable first few dates and tell him to call you when he is single. Until then, you like uncomplicated - this is complicated.

likesmart

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