{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Ladies, I have a dilemma. I know the choice is ultimately mine, but I wanted some input. I met my current boyfriend through my cousin and he lives in Chicago. The plan was for me to move to Chicago in the next couple of months. I planned on just continuing my job with PwC. However, I was applying for jobs in NYC and just received and offer for a company I’ve always wanted to work for. I feel like I’m going to have to make a choice between my job and my relationship. What would you do?", "post_id": "5fb4538ef7cf6f002eff1c05", "reply_count": 37, "vote_count": 6, "bowl_id": "58f7fc5fae9f610010f862d9", "bowl_name": "Women in Accounting" }

Ladies, I have a dilemma. I know the choice is ultimately mine, but I wanted some input. I met my current boyfriend through my cousin and he lives in Chicago. The plan was for me to move to Chicago in the next couple of months. I planned on just continuing my job with PwC. However, I was applying for jobs in NYC and just received and offer for a company I’ve always wanted to work for. I feel like I’m going to have to make a choice between my job and my relationship. What would you do?

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I would do either of these things 1) you take the job, and maybe go to Chicago until you have to go back to office. Then you try long distance or 2) take the job stay in New York and try long distance and if it doesn’t work and you think this man is the one you’ll end up marrying then quit and move to Chicago because what if you don’t end up even liking the new job. Personally i think one year is too soon to know if the person you are meant to marry but everyone situation is different! But i think definitely a lot to consider but also consider yourself not just him.

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I agree with those that say to talk it through with your SO. If marriage is on the table, this could be a great opportunity to flex those muscles. It’s a difficult decision to be sure, but likely one of many you will face together if you stay together. If it’s the company itself you’re excited about rather than the location, and presumably you know you’d eventually end up in Chicago, maybe discuss the WFH flexibility with the company? My parents have done long distance for over 10 years now because my dads job is in a different state. They are still together but I will never do any kind of long distance relationship without an end date after watching them do it for years.

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Take the job. I’m assuming you haven’t been discussing marriage because then you wouldn’t be asking this question. My philosophy has always been to not move anywhere for a man without a ring.

likesmart

We have discussed it. And I can see it happening in the next 2 or 3 years. I’m only 24.

So after conversations with him, this is what I’m leaning towards because I know I want to leave pwc/audit. I don’t think I can make it through another busy season. I am going to take the job and WFH from Chicago for as long as possible. The company is estimating going back into the office in May/June, which we all know that it’s very uncertain. But even if we go back in May/June, I would already have about 6 months at the new job and have a better idea of what I want. I feel like this way I won’t feel any resentment later on for not taking the job.

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Good idea! Congrats

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That is a really tough choice. Personally, I would move for my boyfriend because to me he’s my partner and best friend, he’s someone that I truly feel we succeed together and we fail together so the job wouldn’t be enough for me without celebrating with him. But, at the same time I think you have to be honest with yourself about if you move if you’d be able to let go of any resentment that might build up because that would not be good for the relationship and you’d probably end up losing both the relationship and job. Would definitely talk to him about it too though- maybe he’d be able to move to NYC or maybe you guys can work out long distance a little longer.

likehelpful

Thank you, you made good points. Definitely have a lot to think about.

I think you should take the job. This is easier said than done. I have moved twice for a boyfriend and in the end, things didn’t work out. I don’t regret moving as I now have a husband and wonderful daughter in a city I wouldn’t have been in. But both times I didn’t have a situation like yours where I was choosing between the guy and a dream job. I think I would have regretted it if I had chosen the guy over the job.

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Thank you for the input! I have so family in Chicago so if I move and start a new life there, it wouldn’t be so bad

You should tell him about it and see what he says. If he’s supportive and wants to work through it, he’s a keeper and see if you can work from Chicago while covid is still around.

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Have you asked him what you should do? A good supportive partner would want you to take it and be willing to make it work for now. Not to say he isn't a good partner if he is reluctant. I know my husband would have told me to take the job but we were also already together for multiple years when those options were flying around.

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If he is high marriage potential and you can see yourself happy in Chicago long term, I would move to Chicago and decline the job. I think good jobs are easier to find than good husbands 😅😂 Ignore this advice and take the job if either of you is less than 25 years old lol.

likesmartfunny

Eeekk if you were like 30 this would be a no brainer but 24...I would probably take the job, work remotely in Chicago for as long as possible, and then do long distance for a bit. If things are still going great and he’s still husband material, then quit and move to Chicago :) that way you get the new job on your resume and 2ish years of experience in the role. I’m 34 and so glad I locked in the nice boy I met in my early 20s. While I was jealous that my friends were single and wild in their mid 20s, they are all now 34 and freaking out because the dating pool sucks.

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Take the job. Don’t move for a man ya ain’t marrying.

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I’d take the job in NYC, move to Chicago, take it from there once WFH is over. I respect your relationship, but I don’t think you should make huge decisions after only a year. If this is a big move towards your career, and remote work is not an option in the future, I’d still go to New York and try living apart again for a year or so. Clearly you two know how to make long distance work. So my thinking is you could do that if necessary, and if marriage is on the table, be in a better position professionally to move back to Chicago.

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Can you take the offer for the position in nyc and wfh in Chicago?

likesmart

No honestly, he has a great job out there and does not have a college degree. So the possibility of him finding something that good is slim.

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what you invest in yourself nobody could take.

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Take the job. You have more time than you think. A 1yr old relationship is not enough to ditch a dream job. If he expected you to drop your life and move to him, he should be willing to do same. And I have a suspicion there’s a bigger reason you were looking for jobs in NYC.

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I applied for 2 jobs in NYC to companies I’ve been targeting since I left college and got one of them. I wasn’t just putting in random applications everywhere.

Choose the job. He can move to you.

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Take the job if the position contributes to your overall career goals. Considering the current environment you can wfh most likely and deal with moving later. Or have a long distance relationship until if/when you and him decide to move towards the next step

likesmart

I think your age factors too. I’m not talking about a “settling” mentality, more that relationships in general get more serious faster the older you are. When you’re 20, you’ll date anyone for a year just for fun. When you’re 30, the “just for fun” guys will annoy you in 2 months So from that angle, I don’t think one year is necessarily too short. I do agree though that you can probably safely take the job...in both NYC and Chicago, wfh is here to stay. Frankly, I’m pessimistic I’ll be allowed back in the office even in a year

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The reason I applied for jobs was because I wanted to see what would happen. My heart was into moving in with him, but now I’m torn.

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How long have you been with the bf? How serious is the relationship?

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We have been together for a year now, so it is pretty serious. I stayed with him during quarantine.

likehelpful

NYC is miserable if you’re alone, especially now, unless you’re going to make well into 6figs pronto.

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