{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Ladies! I need help🥺. The pill has totally broken our sex life. I’m married. I take the mini pill and my sex drive is in negative. I actually find sex painful. My OH thinks i just don’t like sex. I’ve tried to explain this and engage him into trying to get alternatives. He doesn’t engage he just expects sex 🤷🏻‍♀️. Please help", "post_id": "60761dad6c7b0c001b3985d4", "reply_count": 67, "vote_count": 4, "bowl_id": "58f7fc5fae9f610010f862d9", "bowl_name": "Women in Accounting", "feed_type": "bowl" }

Ladies! I need help🥺. The pill has totally broken our sex life. I’m married. I take the mini pill and my sex drive is in negative. I actually find sex painful. My OH thinks i just don’t like sex. I’ve tried to explain this and engage him into trying to get alternatives. He doesn’t engage he just expects sex 🤷🏻‍♀️. Please help

likefunny
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For what it’s worth, I’ve had bad side effects on every birth control so far except for Kyleena 5yr IUD used with a daily evening primrose oil supplement. Stupidly high sex drive. If you are in a state where cannabis is legal, you might try Foria. They sell cannabis lube and vaginal suppositories. In my experience, they increase blood flow to the clitorus and vulva which really gets me going and heightens sensitivity in a good way. Cannabis also has anti-inflammatory and muscle relaxant compounds in it that could potentially help with your pain (depending on the reason for the pain, nothing is one size fits all). The additional lubricant should also help with the discomfort caused by dryness during sex (which happens to women of all ages and is nothing to be ashamed of, yay lube, lube is awesome, we love lube)

helpful

Painful sex is more common than people think, there are many medical conditions that can lead to it and most women don't receive the guidance or proper support to work through it. As someone who experienced Vaginismus and now helps other women transform their pain to pleasure, find the right resources! Most OBGYNs don't have the skillet or enough knowledge to diagnose it, seeing a pelvic floor specialist and getting the right support will not only help with the pain but boost your sex drive, of course you have low sex drive cauaw your body doesn't want you to experience pain again so it decreases your libido naturally to protect you from pain!! DM if your interested in talking more and finding the right support! I'm hosting a complimentary master class in the next month about transforming pain to pleasure if you want to join DM me!

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Sounds like your partner just doesn’t care about your needs. They need to get invested in how to get you turned on and comfortable or gtfo. Also, lube, or try other bc methods

likesmart

Your SO thinks you just don’t like sex. But he doesn’t try to find ways for you to like it. He just expects you to have sex with him anyways? What!! I know this isn’t the topic of your post but I feel outraged on your behalf. If you think the pill is the cause, and you want to stop taking it, then just inform your SO that you’ll be going off the pill in 3 months. He can start stocking up on condoms or start finding a doctor to do a vasectomy. If neither sounds appealing to him, then he’d best be prepared to discuss alternatives with you, or it’s time to pick out baby names. Still outraged.

like

Yes yes yes! That first part about your partner not being supportive and understanding makes me mad for you. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this and I hope you can figure it out soon and more importantly, that your partner can understand and be supportive of this issue.

like

I had this same problem. I had to just get off the pill unfortunately. We tried different lubes (oil vs water based), toys, extra foreplay, all kinds of things. The drive was just completely absent for me. Some of the things we tried while on the pill have stuck around and really help me now too. My husband has a much higher drive than mine but we work together on it. Takes a lot of semi-uncomfortable conversations and we’re always working on it. Maybe try different BC methods and new “warm up” exercises to help with the mood? I wish you the best.

likehelpful

It was quite difficult. Many consultations and phone calls. You’d think it was better that I was there for almost all of them but that seemed to make it worse? They always asked why I couldn’t just take BC and why I would force him to do an irreversible surgery (wasn’t my idea or my decision 🙄🙄). My husband always defended me so hard on that. Got to a point where he would just call and tell them his age, marital status, lack of children, and I would get on the phone and say I’m all for it as well. All except the last doctor tried talking us out of it. The last one literally said our bodies our choices and scheduled it for the following week. It took persistence and well over a year of searching for a doctor.

like

Ditch the pill get paragard.

likesmart

has anyone with iud’s has trouble getting them dislodged by well endowed partners? that’s my fear

I got off the pill for all of the above reasons and more. I’ve used a couple different natural methods with 0 unplanned pregnancies in almost 8 years. Most natural methods are 99% accurate (if you’re following an actual method and not just counting days). I’ve tracked mucus before and now just test my urine a few days a month to help find my ovulation window. Minimal effort to avoid pregnancy, sex drive is higher, sex is more enjoyable, etc. Doesn’t hurt to get checked out by your OB (who would/should probably refer you to a specialist). Also adding your SO should prioritize your orgasm since sex is basically over after the male orgasm. DM if you need any help or resources!

likehelpful

Agree 100% Been using pull out and cycle tracking methods for 6years. Tried the pill for 1 week and realized it's not worth it with how I was feeling. Only thing I would add to the SO prioritizing the O for you is this.. It takes some time at first, be prepared to have many conversations about what you like and don't like. Try getting toys that you like/ or a little buzzer, you both may like it. But you gotta talk with him to make sure things are being communicated.

Um, use condoms?!

like

😭😭😭 omg I’m so glad I’m not alone. Now I’m thinking I may need to see a doc about my low sex drive. I love my bf, but it can be an odd situation to be in the mood when my my mind says yes but body is not on the same page.

like

It makes total sense that if you've experienced pain on the past associated with intimacy that your mind would want it but your body won't follow, our bodies naturally try to protect us from past pain projected into present moments! DM if you want some support on this, I help women transform pain to pleasure because I've experienced it myself and only when you get the right support and find the right resources can you change the circumstances!! You are so not alone in this!! I'm hosting a complimentary master class for those who want to transform pain to pleasure in the next month, if you want to join DM me!

My mom wouldn't let me get on birth control because of the side effects. And I'm actually glad I listened to her because my sex drive is very high 🤣 Healthy I'd say... I can't tell you what to do, but if you hate how it makes you feel, get off of it and look at other options. I suggested condoms because I'm pretty confident he won't like them. But he'll probably be more likely to listen to you when you suggest that because he would have vested interest.. (i.e all of a sudden, it's an inconvenience to him as well, not just to you).

likesmart

Awww I'm so sorry to hear that! If you're done having kids though, why not get your tubes tied? That's what I'll do..

I had this problem, and while my drive has come back somewhat, I’m sad to see it’s no where near where I was before BC. I honestly would love to hear what people say because at the moment I mostly just have sex because I feel bad withholding it from my SO when I’m not in the mood. I’ve been off the pill for about 7-8 months, and I still don’t have the drive I did pre-BC.

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I didn’t even think of thyroid stuff. I know my moms has thyroid issues, but it was a result of childbearing (haven’t had children yet so didn’t even think about that). I’ll def mention it to my doctor at my next visit

Fitness, hit the gym, it will help

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Sex shouldn't be painful! Have you ruled out other medical conditions? Depending on where the pain is and what it feels like it could be a condition like vaginismus or vulvodynia. Endometriosis can also cause this type of pain I've read. Talk to your doctor, this type of pain isn't typical.

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Good call to see doc

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Sounds your SO doesn’t care about your feelings. :(

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I had the same problem with the Mirena IUD. I ended up getting off birth control and using the Natural Cycles app. No hormones. It worked really well for me and I highly recommend.

likehelpful

Yep I used it for a year with no issues. I am pregnant now but that was on purpose lol. I’m going to use it again post pregnancy. I wish I would have found this a long time ago.

like

I hated how BC made me feel. I naturally track my cycle using a fertility app, tracking mucus and taking my temperature every day. If you do it right aka don’t have sex the week of ovulation, it’s incredibly accurate. Also try lube if you haven’t already

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the tough part about this one is not having sex the week of ovulation 😭 easy to do when i was single, harder to do in a long term relationship. considering going back to this method though! did me right for 4 whole years

I have vaginismus and fortunately my husband has always been very understanding. It also helps that he was my first. My doctors told me a lot of it had to do with anxiety because I was expecting it to be painful so it just made it worse. I am on an anxiety medication that works for me (after many years) and my husband and I have tried different things. I know using a vibrator is uncomfortable but my husband embraced it knowing that he got something out of it too (and was actually his idea - and he makes sure it's charged lol). I have the Mirena IUD for reference.

likesmart

As someone who has had and overcame vaginismus, I just want to say I totally support your journey and whatever you find that works for you! As a transformational vaginismus coach, many of my clients experienced anxiety and overwhelm as well and once we identify what it's causing it we do emotional and mindset work to release it and their transformations have been tremendous in their journey! I plan on hosting a free master class in the next month, if your interested in joining DM me!

You could try IUD or condoms? Sounds like the pill is not going to work for you. Sex is super important in a marriage.

smart

I actually had this issue. Do you workout? My OBGYN told me I had a high pelvic floor and suggested icing and physical therapy. But once I started barre, it seems to have fixed everything (between exercise and muscle training).

like

I’ll add that I think part of my lack of interest in sex was caused by the pain and not actively enjoying it

like

You could try timing/pull out method. It’s about as effective as long as you don’t have sex around ovulation. Or try an IUD or nuvaring.

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Is there is pain during sex - this is not normal. Make a doctors appointment ASAP to get checked out and talk about other BC options

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