I was dating someone last year who was a consultant while I was a senior in college. I ended up dumping him because primarily, he wanted a gf where he didn’t have to be a bf.

He used to always cancel plan last minute bc of work and I used to get pissed off about it. But now that I’m working in consulting, I understand where he’s coming from and I kind of want to apologize for it. Should I reach out or leave it? It was a relatively toxic relationship for me bc he used to bring up his ex

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No don’t reach out. Even if work is crazy, there are still ways to make people feel like a priority in your life if they are. It sounds like he didn’t do that, on multiple fronts. He also sounds like someone who would get a real ego boost from hearing from you again and stringing you along more. Don’t give him the satisfaction. You should move on and learn from the experience.

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Thanks boo. I needed to hear this

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In a negative way and made me think I had to compete. Plus was still close friends with an old FWB. I know I’m overthinking this but I can’t help but feel bad

It depends on what you want to get out of it. His presence in your life doesn’t sound like what you needed at the time (or now). If it will help YOU move on, then call and get what you need to say off your chest. Know that you don’t owe him your understanding if he undermined your feelings by acting in emotionally abusive ways. That being said, I was in a similar situation a few years ago and I called a while later to apologize for my part of the relationship. It was a relief and let me shed a lot of guilt and hurt I had from the experience. He thanked me for it and we haven’t talked since. I didn’t and don’t owe him anything, but for myself, I knew what I needed to fully move on.

I had this exact situation. Went back to him and he crushed my heart so much the 2nd time around that I gave up on men completely. Still working through the trauma and it’s affecting my new unexpected relationship.. save yourself the pain

Echoing the messages about someone who cares will always find ways to make you a priority - and that doesn't always mean time. It could be as simple as listening extra hard when you're telling them something or finding ways to make you laugh when it would've been easier not to - all ways of showing they *really* care, even if it can't be measured by a clock 🙂

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