{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Ladies, we all make decent living here. For me, I'm looking for a partner that at least making the same if not more. I need to feel \"safe\" and \"secure\"", "post_id": "5e14bdcc09d2eb00213d1cb4", "reply_count": 20, "vote_count": 4, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting", "feed_type": "bowl" }

Ladies, we all make decent living here. For me, I'm looking for a partner that at least making the same if not more. I need to feel "safe" and "secure"

likefunny
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You don’t need to convey it. You’ll usually get a sense of where they are financially or what goals they have in getting to know them. To me, it’s less about the dollar amount and more about what his plans are and what he is actively doing to work toward it.

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It sounds like you are financially oriented so why try to downplay that if it is important to you? If a potential partner does not react favorably it means they do not share your values. Maybe the best way to open the conversation (likely not first date) is to ask them how they think about prioritizing financial stability vs other aspects of a relationship?

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A friend of mine explained that as woman of color, almost any man would make the same amount (if not more) than her if he is similarly ambitious. Her reasoning is that his salary is a proxy for how hard-working he is and how willing he is to secure a stable financial future.

Not saying I fully agree with her bc, lucky me, I've never dated a man that makes more than me... But I do see her point that if a man in a similar industry with similar education isn't making within the same range as me, I'd want to know why.

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I agree with some of the other responses here. Financial safety is often less about how much one makes and more about how they spend/save their money. Someone making 150k may only save 10% a year while someone making 70k saves half. Do you want financial security? Or to maintain your desired/current lifestyle? Or both?

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I save diligently but also enjoy my life: taking vacations with points and miles.

🤦🏽‍♀️

You’re doing it wrong if you need to ask this question. How much someone makes or whether or not their financially responsible will come out fairly quickly.

What kind of car do they drive? Do they own their car outright? Where do they live? What’s their favorite restaurant? What’s the last vacation they took? Where do they work?

Get to know someone...

Can you imagine if a guy tried to communicate the same to you?!

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You can build a life together with a partner if you are both committed. Potential and effort are worth a lot more than absolute dollars. A lot can happen between life and earning is not all there is to the story. Pick a partner who will become your idea of home.

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It’s totally okay to be financially oriented. No need to down play that OP. I understand the “security” part. It’s human nature.
And it’s totally okay to not care about that either and just go more with your emotion and what makes you feel right.

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Don’t apologize for making what you make or wanting the lifestyle you want - unless they are out of sync or you expect someone to find it.

For me, I wanted someone with similar values and earnings (I made a lot less in industry). My income has risen but our spending is down between us. This can vary based on where you are in your career as well.

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Something to bear in mind is that absolute salary can vary a lot over your life. If you have kids, one of you might take a break from paid work to do childcare.
So whilst I share your desire for similar behaviours - eg smart, ambitious but pretty frugal - I care a lot less about absolute $.

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Am I really the only one who is bothered by this? My partner is incredibly ambitious and makes a decent salary but I do make more. He just work in an industry that doesn’t pay as well. Also his work matters a whole lot more to the world than mine.

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I’m bothered... not because someone’s finances is disqualifying but because it’s now somehow an upfront criteria that needs to be communicated? And it has to be framed as “safe” and “secure.” I’m safe and secure with my salary....

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Why I'm single lol.

like

Also if you know where they work and what roles, why not just Glassdoor/google it so that you have a sense?

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I'd say we all make enough to be safe and secure with our own income. I know that's not what you asked. But being secure where you are by yourself is the best way to attract a good relationship into your life. Having a list of check boxes never worked for me at least.

My bf drives a beater but makes more than enough to sustain his lifestyle and save. I probably make more than double but he's still bringing in above average pay. He isn't looking for anyone (me) to come and take care of him. And same with me. If we get married, we could live anywhere and do anything we wanted -- mainly bc our shared values are the same but the combined income wont be shabby either.

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How to convey that to the other person as one of the criteria without coming across as being too financially oriented?
And I'm always being fiscally responsible and never live large.

My boyfriend was making 20$ an hour and just switched to commission only (commercial real estate). The hope is he starts making some money but we just don’t know. He’s 34. I’m worried about our future because of his financial situation but I love him and we’re gonna move in together in 6 months. Scared that I’m dating potential and not reality. But we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.

Yeah, a lot people do this and the independence never comes.

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