Ladies, what’s your view on helping spouses’ extended family financially after marriage? Husband is the oldest of four kids and his parents have decent life savings. He thinks that he should help out if anything happens to his siblings and they need money, and it shouldn’t matter if his parents or other siblings are helping. E.g, if a sibling is sick and needs 100k, and we have 500k liquid we should just give 100k to the sibling.

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Is this a cultural norm for him?

For me, this would absolutely not be okay. Siblings aren’t dependents. I don’t even think the parents should be covering their adult kids expenses but that’s their choice, I suppose.

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Even though he grew up American it seems like they still have some cultural norms stemming from his parents.

Could you try couples therapy to work through an approach that works for you both?

In every good relationship there are times where you have to find a way to meet in the middle on things you are on opposite ends on. Try and mind the middle ground so you both understand where each other is coming from and can find a solution.

I’m African and in my culture this is the norm. It’s draining at times but it is what it is. I just make sure that I only help out when people really need it e.g medical or school expenses.

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I'm fine with my fiance/spouse helping family as long as its split responsibility and a decision involving a large sum of money is discussed with me in advance. All of his siblings are over the age of 28 with stable careers and households. It would be ridiculous for one person to take on that alone.

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It’s not a cultural norm but an unspoken law that you should help your parents and siblings financially esp if you can afford it. I’m Indian fwiw

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Isn't that what a cultural norm is?

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No way. Glad it’s not my cultural norm. BUT having said this, I respect it.

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Yes, it is a cultural norm for Asians (especially if he's the oldest). Unfortunately, this is something you're marrying into that you'll need to accept. You'll need to make sure you're okay with the amount he's giving and discuss especially if you see kids in your future.

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Definitely an Asian cultural norm, you can also expect at least one parent to live with you in your future, so take that into financial consideration as well.

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This issue is one of the reasons why I don’t want to marry a guy who’s the eldest sibling. My bf is the oldest of 4 and is already paying for things here and there for his parents and siblings. This post triggered me lol

Definitely a cultural norm for Africans as well. I would do the same for my brother.

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