{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Ladies with no kids, please pick one. (Like the comment that resonates with you the most)\n\n1) You genuinely see yourself as a future mother who wants to raise a baby or two and have a family of more than just you and your spouse\n\n2) You just want kids because you feel like you'll be missing out/regret it later \n\n3) You don't want kids", "post_id": "613f956e6acdf40022b170d9", "reply_count": 158, "vote_count": 7, "bowl_id": "58f7fc5fae9f610010f862d9", "bowl_name": "Women in Accounting", "feed_type": "bowl" }
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Ladies with no kids, please pick one. (Like the comment that resonates with you the most)

1) You genuinely see yourself as a future mother who wants to raise a baby or two and have a family of more than just you and your spouse

2) You just want kids because you feel like you'll be missing out/regret it later

3) You don't want kids

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Definitely 1. But it took growing up into wanting that. It took doing research and understanding that pregnancy is all about your mental state.
I realized that that is was what my body was meant to do, and maybe denying myself of it will do me more harm than not.
Also, i didnt think id make a good parent until i started researching parenting methods, and realized that if i can identify all the things that went wrong for me maybe i can raise my own better. I mean, I WANT to raise mine better.

I think i want kids because it’s the idea of creating something better off than me. what ive gathered in this life i can give and see grow better than i ever could.

Also i think, once i started focusing on my mental health and my physical health, and started feeling better, i started wanting my own children and looking forward to pregnancy even more.

PS a good doula can make all the difference! Fear and nervousness is a big part of painful child birth!

likehelpfulfunny

Haha no but ok

Genuinely #1.
When was in my late teens, I probably would’ve said 2 or even 3 but as I’ve gotten older (I’m 25) I think I’ve gotten more “traditional” and I know I want 2-3 kids. Would definitely be a dealbreaker for me in a relationship if the guy didn’t. Also if my future spouse is able to support our family on one salary, I’d be willing to even be a SAHM for a while (maybe with a side hustle)—because kids/family is important to me.

I grew up in a large Indian family with lots of cousins and family and some/most of my favorite memories are spending the holidays with my sister and cousins (who are like my siblings). I’ve had some serious family emergencies (cancer, death, etc) in the past 5-10 years and have learned firsthand how lucky my family is to have each other and willing to drop everything to support one another. I know I have that in my generation with my sister, cousins and aunts/uncles, but I want that for my kids as well.

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The BIGGEST 3 you’ll ever meet. 🙅🏽‍♀️🙅🏽‍♀️

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YESSSS SAME

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1

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1. But I tell ppl 3 because I’m single and it hurts too much to discuss it.

likehelpful

OP, thank you for sharing that! I’ve honestly never considered the possibility that someone who openly says they don’t want kids might be saying that out of a desire for privacy so they don’t have to explain, or to protect their heart from people asking all the time about their progress toward family life/kids. All of the people I can think of off the top of my head who have said that to me have volunteered the information without me asking. Because of that I just thought it was part of how they see themselves and want to present themselves to the world - which obviously is still a possibility - but I guess it’s also a possibility that someone encountering me with my desk cluttered with kids’ pictures & artwork, my comments about family commitments/limitations, etc. might want to head me off at the pass before I ask too many questions. I’m grateful for this info so I can be more sensitive to what might be going on that I don’t know about and is none of my business 😊 It’s a ways a good reminder not to put someone in a box because of one thing they’ve said.

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So delighted to see so many 3s! Whats up my Childfree comrades?!

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I know right 😍😍

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3

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3! Solid 3! Screaming at the top of my lungs 3!!

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Staunch 3

likefunny

I'm super confused about my feelings surrounding parenthood. I'm in my early 30s. Been married over 5 years. We haven't been trying to have kids (use birth control) but all along have talked as if we will have 3 kids.

I'm obese and my husband is too. No guarantees but this could make it harder for us to conceive. However, my obgyn said everything looks good, just that I need to lose some weight for an ideal pregnancy.

I want to lose weight regardless, so I am working on that. But I don't know that I really want to have a pregnancy after I get to a better weight. Like...kids sound great but also terrible. I know I will love them so much... but it is such a huge emotional and financial sacrifice. Basically an all-consuming sacrifice. I'm not sure I'm up for it. And then if I don't do it I might regret it. So I want the joys of parenthood with out the responsibility.

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Use this pic to look up the related article, I'm sleepy too. @AM1

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2

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3. I’ve never wanted kids. I’m single, so I guess that’s a perspective, but I’ve always seen myself as the cool aunt and not the mom.

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Never wanted kids, but now I’ve been married 3 yrs and I know my husband would regret never having any and I’m fine with having one. I really don’t want to be pregnant though, so I’m trying to warm my husband to the idea of adoption (or surrogacy if we can afford it).

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I was adopted as a newborn (bio parents met with and selected adoptive parents), would definitely recommend helping out a child who needs a home with parents who want them.

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I go back and forth. It’s always seemed like an eventuality, but I really enjoy focusing on me, my husband and my dogs. I don’t want to lose my sense of self and my identity to motherhood.

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You don’t lose your identity because you become a mother. It just changes, and then changes again. My kids are now teenagers and don’t want anything to do with me lol so here I am once again rediscovering me and having so much time on my hands that I don’t know what to do with it. I am glad I’ve been a part and continue to be a part of them becoming lovely young women.

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3 unfortunately we may have higher chance of developing malignant disease. Please make sure to get checked with gynecologist regularly. Take care you all.

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So let me be an outlier here, while genuinely respecting those who do not want kids. Just sharing my story.

I was ok with the idea of kids, but didn't particularly want them. Now I have five. They are amazing. The end.

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So many irreversible decisions in life.
And yeah, I may regret some, but I don't regret these awesome kids.
Even though every scary decision they make adds more wrinkles to my face. 😄

likefunny

of these options I'd lean toward 3, but the real answer is 4) does not want to bring a child into the world but do want to adopt and have a family someday. I've personally always seen it as far more meaningful to give a home and a family to a child that doesn't have one than to give birth to my own, and I have absolutely no interest in pregnancy or passing on my genes in general.

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Thank you so much for this !

2 but steadily going to 3

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I will admit I’m also a 2 leaning 3

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I was a solid 3, till about a year ago, now a 1 because I met a guy and I do want kids with him.

But don’t worry, if it doesn’t work out, I’ll be back to a 3 in a heartbeat.

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Of the 3s, how many (1) genuinely don’t want kids OR (2) don’t want to be pregnant/permanently change your body?

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1. Never have and currently don’t. If my interests/desires change, then so be it. But I’m interested in taking care of me, exploring the world, living on my terms. Caveat - “living on one’s terms” is relative. My definition is that I get to do what I want when I want how I want without consideration for others (except my life partner lol).

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2. Unmarried as well so the answer May change

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I have to say, it did change for me. I was pretty my ambivalent about kids for most of my twenties. It didn’t help that I didn’t spend any time with kids since I was the youngest in my family. Once I started seriously dating my now husband, I couldn’t imagine my life without us having children together. Then my friends started having kids and I spent more time with them and thought “I really can do this”.

likehelpful

2/3 I really bounce back and forth. 2 because I know my SO would like at least one child (not a dealbreaker for him). 3 because the responsibility. I’m a first generation child who will have to take care of 3 family members due to age/disability. I have so much on my plate and it is clear they will be living with me for the rest of their lives. Throwing another human into the mix makes me feel like I’d be throwing myself over the edge with responsibility.

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