{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Ladies, would this be a huge turn off? “Lives with parents, can’t date him” type thing?\n\nI’m an only child and my parents bought a new house in 1996 with an unfinished basement. Since I’m paying their house off anyways, I finished the basement and made it incredible. Designed the whole thing myself and have everything I want. It has its own entrance, and the backyard is beautiful. I have an amazing, large double shower, and a beautiful kitchen and nice closet with laundry.", "post_id": "61ea249ec4b56f002bbfda2a", "reply_count": 234, "vote_count": 18, "bowl_id": "5e8656b80bdab1002a7355dc", "bowl_name": "Confession ", "feed_type": "bowl" }

Ladies, would this be a huge turn off? “Lives with parents, can’t date him” type thing? I’m an only child and my parents bought a new house in 1996 with an unfinished basement. Since I’m paying their house off anyways, I finished the basement and made it incredible. Designed the whole thing myself and have everything I want. It has its own entrance, and the backyard is beautiful. I have an amazing, large double shower, and a beautiful kitchen and nice closet with laundry.

likefunny
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I am also 30 years old, female, young professional (from Canada). I don’t see this as you living with your parents. This is a multigenerational home and you live in the downstairs suite (which looks pretty good considering you designed it yourself - forget all the other comments). Some people may have an issue with this, but that just means they are not for you. What would be an issue with it is the comment you made about you never planning on moving out… If I were in a relationship with someone in this situation and we were planning on moving in together, it would probably be in a new space and now downstairs from the future in laws. That being said, some people will not mind it at all. Also the fact you have a disability may be a challenge for some (I am familiar with many autoimmune disorders) but it is in no way a reason for you to never be able to find love. More than everything else that was mentioned in this post (including comments), it is your perspective on things that will impact your ability to find a partner. I am personally very attracted to positive people who can make the best out of every situation and look at life with amazement for everything (animals, nature, events, you name it). I think you are halfway there - good luck OP :)

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Very helpful. Thank you.

Not a dealbreaker for me. My husband is an Army veteran who has just gotten back from being in Iraq and was having a difficult time with civilian life. Add on that his father has Alzheimer’s and his mother had been trying to take care of him at home. My husband’s ptsd was undiagnosed when I met him, and he’s now in treatment for it, along with severe anxiety and major gut issues. My husband has been helping his mother care for his father since she refuses to put him in a home even though she has to rely on my husband to get him to shower and to take care of basic house maintenance. We currently live with them. (We’ve been married since July). Also, my own job situation fell through as I have been on extended layoff due to battery manufacturing issues. The plan was to move out after the wedding, but that fell through. I get that it’s a turn-off for some people but there were many factors that I considered, including the fact that he was injured in his service. He gets some disability, but not enough for any of the places around here to give him a place to live. We live in an area that is the most expensive in our state and he doesn’t want to be far from his elderly parents due to his father and his mother’s declining health. It’s not just one factor to consider for me, and it actually turned out well. While I would prefer us being in our own place, financially we wouldn’t have been able to until my job stabilized. If we had been in our own place, we would be behind on rent and likely evicted or starving.

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It’s gonna be a no for me dawg. But honestly the redder flag for me is that you’re so obsessed with your basement lol..I wouldn’t want to date someone that’s SUPER into the space he’s living in at 30 and is fine living there for decades

likefunnyuplifting

Law Clerk 1 can you share the post about the dude living with his ex? That sound like a dysfunctional boundary orgy.

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It worked for Pete Davidson

likefunnyhelpful

My basements nicer than his. Unfortunately I don’t have a girlfriend to go move in with

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I’d be ok meeting someone in this situation but no way I’m getting married and moving into the basement.

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Only move out once you are ready to get married. It shouldn't be hard to find someone to date you

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“The red flag girls be like” oMg lIvinG in a GlorIoUs BasEment?! Eeeek no WaY ***mean while living in some shoe box, over priced condo, parents probably still kick money for, thinking they are living some Kerry Bradshaw life style. Check ya self honey bears.

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Ok

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I wouldn’t date you. Big red flag to be 30 years old and to never plan on moving out. It’s one thing to keep it as an investment property and live in your own apartment, but this is very odd. You have to remember that these are your prime dating years. Do you really want to make yourself undateable to a large portion of women during this time? Would it be a better investment to also rent a small apartment for a few years if it helps you find a partner?

likefunny

^smart move

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Well, I was living in a motorcycle shop with a stripper pole and a hot tub in the living room when my husband met me, so take what I say with a grain of salt.…. A well established woman in her 30s who’s looking to have kids probably isn’t going to think your basement set up is ideal. A lower social economic status or younger woman might need to be your target audience if staying in the basement is your goal.

likefunnyuplifting

Ohh this is good advice

Parents are elderly and it’s just the 3 of us, and literally never notice each other since it’s like a 3500 sq ft house.

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likefunny

This reno is fire!! Ignore the naysayers, I'd love to have a house like this, let alone a basement. How much did the reno cost?

If you’re a responsible adult and really paying for it then no. But American culture pushes moving out at 18 and ‘making it out on your own’ even the the economy doesn’t allow it. Other cultures you basically live with your family until you buy a home because renting is considered wasteful spending. I think depends on preference

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I’m sure your mom is lovely but this can still be a dealbreaker for many women. For example, I moved out of my parents house when I was 14 and can’t imagine living with them again, even less so my boyfriend’s parents no matter how much gold is involved. But it sounds like you understand that and it would be smart to “target” women who might not mind this (similar culture, are looking for permanent status, want to move to the US, don’t mind waiting extended time to get a big house etc). Based on a few responses sounds like there are those women out there. Good luck!!

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No from me because I’m in nyc and people just don’t live with their parents. If I was in the suburbs maybe up until my late 20s. Would not want to live with a man’s parents. The main turnoff from this post is how defensive you’re getting and doubling down on the “even if I lived here alone I’d spend all my time in the basement” posts. The issue is not you loving your basement - that’s fine - but with your parents one staircase away if you plan on being married. May be different because my partner and I are not close to either of our parents and could not imagine living with/near them

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In NYC most parents are cosigning or contributing towards a young adult living on their own. No way a fresh out of school is paying 3.5+ on rent. Crazy financially too.

likehelpful

18-26, not a deal breaker. 26-32, depends what kinda guy you are 33+ mmmmm pushing questionable enough to turn down

likefunny

In my opinion, it's his comment that he NEVER owns on moving out. Him living with his parents for now is one thing, but pretty much no financially independent woman is going to consider moving in to her SO's parents house. OP, if I were you I'd consider saving up money right now. That way, when you do meet someone, you can move out to some place nearby and afford some sort of caretaker for your parents.

likefunny

Idk man, I wouldn't date a guy. I know how South Asian parents are, there is no privacy none whatsoever, whether they say oh you have a whole floor. This is literally a multi-generational home. Though I know lots of women are ok with it.

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Yeah NOPE A4

likefunny

No because I’m loud in every way possible yet also value my privacy. I like my own space free of real adults.

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I think you need a better plan/idea then. I’d want at least 5 years with a partner to build the comfort before parents live in same home. Living next door or across the street even is essentially the same, but better as it gives you/your SO the privacy.

The truth is some people will care and some people will not so do what’s best for you. There’s a huge difference between being a bum and moving home for family/financial/etc reasons.

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Yeah some seem cool with it others are definitely a hard no lol. Guess just gotta find a person who can accept it

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Nothing wrong it. I’m a guy and I did the exact same thing and my wife’s living here and fine with it.

likeuplifting

Give me an example A2. What might be missing? Also, since I designed this place, I want to fully build my next house whenever that is(probably 5-10 years) we could build that together if she was that interested in doing so

So obviously you’re no bum, and it’s actually a really lovely and generous thing that you’ve done for your parents. I wouldn’t consider this a strike or red flag against a potential love interest in the beginning, but if things progressed i would want to know what (if any) plan you had for eventually moving out or moving your parents out. Upon getting serious (and potentially married and starting a family of our own), I’d need to know that we would have our own space just for us. A man being resistant or hesitant to separating from his parents (irrespective of how nice the basement is, how much money you’re saving, etc.) would be an absolute nonnegotiable deal breaker for me. And I would need a definitive answer on that sooner rather than later.

likesmart

It’s an absolute no

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This 👇👇👇

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LMAO damn straight

Your situation is not a red flag to me. You clearly don’t sit around and live off of them since you finished the basement and pay the mortgage. You seem like a responsible adult, who has a great relationship with your parents. I am in a somewhat similar situation where I am living at my parents house still at 28. They live out of the country for 10 months out of the year. For 10 months if the year, I pay for everything related to the house. I’m also the one who makes upgrades and adds smart features to it.

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It may, but my parents could also change their mind if they choose to. The mortgage I pay is still significantly cheaper than what the rent would be for what I would want. I do like that I am keeping money within the family instead of someone else.

Dont feel the need to justify yourself OP, regardless. Your parents probably love the company of their only child. Thread is failing to realize that parents are HUMAN too that need help as they get older. Its not embarrassing at all. Coming from a 30 yo who moved back in with parents to support them.

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Honestly don't see the issue. I'm in a similar situation, I'm a woman in my 30s and I moved back home to be with my parents. Glad I did cause my dad died 3 years later and my mum would have been stuck in a $1million house by herself. If I get married, tempted to convince my partner to move in here too

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I’m so sorry about your dad.

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