Last year, for a few months, I dated a friend of mine of eight years. It did not impact our friendship and continued to have a good bond as friends. He has been dating someone for a few months and they were planning to get married early next year. They have been having problems (contd)

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Why is someone who has been dating a woman for “a few months” planning to get married so soon, and especially since he clearly still had feelings for *YOU* when he asked *HER* to get married?!? So he’s got issues on both accounts.

You should tell him you don’t return his romantic feelings and then let him know you need to NOT be in contact so he can get over you. He shouldn’t be with her, either. He should be healing and then finding someone he can have reciprocal feelings with.

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This makes me sad for the fiancée. Imagine getting ready to marry someone who is secretly telling their ex that they still have feelings for them. If I were in your position, I’d impose some distance right away. I’d at the very least tell him firmly that the situation is unfair to his fiancée and that there could be no more discussion of romantic feelings between you two, period. You have to realize that he told you this to determine whether he might still have a shot with you. Not cool at all.

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Agreed. How horrible. People need to figure out their feelings and stop dragging someone new into their lives before resolving the old. We aren’t talking about finishing a sandwich here. There is a lot of damage done from this type of behavior. The dating sites are a wasteland, littered with broken-hearted people — damaged from unrequited love that pretended to be real, going as far as to propose marriage. Ridiculous! 🙅🏻‍♀️

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What do you want?

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Yeah, I think you might wanna distance. Or come to terms with the fact that it’s not you causing him to break up, that’s totally him. Absolve yourself of his feelings and actions.

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He needs you to be distanced. Thats also helping him as much as listening some times.

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He’s getting cold feet. Happens to everyone when they’re a face to face with the decision to be with one partner for the rest of their lives. Don’t give in, once the pressure of the wedding is off you’d both remember why it didn’t work out last time.

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Thank you all! Appreciate the inputs. I will keep my distance and just hope that he is able to get his relationship on track.

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He has shared these problems with me and as a friend that has known him in that capacity, I did my best to help him out and resolve his relationship issues with his gf/ fiancé. But this morning, he told me he still has feelings for me and thinks about me constantly, regretting his mistakes with me.
I don’t have any such feelings and am confused if I should just maintain my distance or continue to give him a patient ear knowing fully well that that will likely bring up his abandonment issues. I care about him and truly want what’s best for him.

Tell him you care for him as a good friend and not romantically.

I have

My ex did this to me right before her wedding and the day of her wedding. It was so toxic I had to block her. I’m not trying to break up someone’s marriage. If your ex is unhappy in her relationship, I think she needs to work through that without your influence.

People need to broaden their social circles. Your exes do not magically turn into platonic friends after a breakup.

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