{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Last year, My girlfriend was making 80k while I was making 200k so I took her out to dinners and took care of the groceries etc. Basically made sure it’s an equitable relationship. She got a new job this year and is now making 210k (more than me) but still expects me to pay for all the dinners and groceries. I’ve already talked to her about this but just resulted in argument. Is there any coming back from this situation to make this equitable relationship or is break up the only option here?", "post_id": "60aecd63ab64a4002990e7cd", "reply_count": 319, "vote_count": 89, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d051", "bowl_name": "Consulting" }

Last year, My girlfriend was making 80k while I was making 200k so I took her out to dinners and took care of the groceries etc. Basically made sure it’s an equitable relationship. She got a new job this year and is now making 210k (more than me) but still expects me to pay for all the dinners and groceries. I’ve already talked to her about this but just resulted in argument. Is there any coming back from this situation to make this equitable relationship or is break up the only option here?

likefunnyhelpful
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She went from 80k to 200k+… she has absolutely zero excuses to not pay half. The assumption that she “needs time to balance herself” etc is complete bs. She has a 200k job now, she can literally pay someone to do her finances for her. I make significantly LESS than my partner, and yet I paid for an entire vacation for us both and always split everything with him, even offering to cover entire meals sometimes. We are very generous to each other because that is what love is. It makes me happy to see my partner enjoying what I work for, and vice versa. If she is not willing to start splitting things and going out of her way to give to you, that is a sign she’s not worth it. Even some of the most frugal people I know have bent over backwards financially for their loved ones. You shouldn’t even need to ask her to split groceries and restaurant bills at this point, she should be offering to cover. 😂

likeupliftinghelpful

Booz, I make more than enough to comfortably pay for that vacation. He also covers vacations. Just because he makes significantly more than I do doesn’t mean I suddenly should ask for him to pay for everything. I don’t rely on his income, especially for small things like buy groceries and pay the bill at a restaurant. You missed the point entirely. We share financial responsibilities because we can and we love each other. If one of us couldn’t, that would be a different story and obviously one of us would willingly contribute more.

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23F here, just graduating college with an F-1, so never actually made any big money It’s not about fairness, it’s about the way you think about it. I don’t have a problem with a guy paying for a dinner or 5 dinners because I know I will pay for next 5 or book a vacay, or get something nice. Been in relationship for 2 years when a guy was not letting me pay for dinners out at all. But I would then suprise him with tickets to a concert, or do a picnic date etc etc. there are many ways, doesnt have to be exact split. And it never works as a balance sheet for me, I’m the kind of a person who will spend the last 5$ on my close people. Bottom line, I do not think you are wrong because she made an argument out of this. Seems like she is taking it for granted and it shouldnt be that way. And btw to peeps here saying you will have a combined income if you are serious in the future, I doubt she will ever think of it that way regardless if its bf/gf or husband and wife. Its wrong having to count with a loved one, but its wrong that the relationship is making you do it.

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i’m here for the $130k raise story

likefunnysmartupliftinghelpful

@Google1, Google the result...😂

What if you break up and find another gf who earns 80K, would you be okay to pay for groceries then? If yes, then why not continue with your current girlfriend 😄

likefunnysmartupliftinghelpful

Marry her then it's all a wash.

You are not in love….love is kind…not a bookkeeper or an accountant. Good luck 🍀

likefunnysmarthelpful

I used to think this way, but most marriages in the US end up in divorce, so it’s probably right to cover yourself and not get played. I am from another country, and our relationships last, so I’m not worried as much.

likefunny

Real talk, how the hell did she go from 80 to 210? That’s amazing. I’d wife her then and there. That girl knows how to hustle.

likefunnysmart

The type of hustler that hustles the person they're in a relationship with as well 💅

likefunnysmart

She probably needs time to build up cash and feel comfortable splitting things. Just keep talking about it. Try to not make her feel attacked.

likesmartfunnyupliftinghelpful

BCG3 - agree with you! Sometimes it takes many conversations and heavily depends on you + your SO’s relationship with money.

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Keep taking her out to dinners, but start going to Chinese and fast food. And say babe I love you but I’m on a budget here paying for two.

funnylikesmartuplifting

Unfortunately a break up is the only option in this case because old habits die hard.

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You want equitable…bud, wait til you get married….or have kids…. Seriously, if you’re penny pinching, what’s the point of the relationship. I make 3x more than my wife and every dollar is shared, just like other responsibilities in the house. It’s a partnership, not a competition.

likesmarthelpful

🍻🏆

Op where are you, we want to know the 80 to 210 story

likesmart

We want answers!

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Comedy option, wife her and this no longer matters

likefunny

How long since she’s been in new job? Maybe she needs a little time to acclimate and not feel like you’re waiting to pounce on $$. Not saying you’re wrong just maybe what it feels like to her. Also did she know you had that split before explicitly to make things equitable, and it’s not just your usual MO? Or did you just do it and not say anything. She may feel like you’re springing it on her. If you revisit I’d frame it as looking at your long term outlook and positioning yourselves as equal partners.

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Sure, if OP doesn’t want to bail, I think SM’s approach makes sense. But sounds like OP is also surprised by the gf response which he’s worried reflects on her values. I agree this requires additional conversation, but i think leaving that relationship is a strong viable option if that’s a permanent position for the gf. Without some serious specific reasons for her stance, that shows poor character on her part.

likesmart

Look at all the answers stretching boundaries of logic to rationalize one partner milking another. It’s happened throughout history.

likefunny

A1 lol well I’m a guy and straight, so it probably would be hell for any guy that was interested 😂. Guess you didn’t read my responses to SC2s other posts like I suggested.

Why not talk with a couples therapist to navigate this next area in the relationship?

likefunny

I was in an engagement that ultimately ended and moved was the biggest argument. She thought the man should pay 100% even if she was making 500k. It's a cultural thing, especially for Russian women

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Handbags, shoes, nice car, etc. when he’s not buying. Also maybe invest her money while he’s paying so she can get even more money

likefunny

You make 200K and you’re fighting over groceries? Lol. On a serious note, explain why you were paying for groceries and now that you are on the same earning level, it would be nice for both to contribute

likefunny

Secretly add some weight gainer to her protein shakes, and once she gets fat, dump her

likefunny

Dang this is so american. You do realize it is the only country in the world where non professional body builder eat protein shakes.... It is also #1 obese country😂

You should continue paying for what you were paying before. When you look over the life spans of men vs women, it’s painfully clear that women make less money, live longer and need to invest more, as well as statistically take more time out of the workforce to care for others (kids, parents etc.). Stop counting pennies or you’re not worth the dollar.

likefunny

SC4 - modern feminism is on display in this thread. G3 is the only true feminist here.

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Break up is never the only option but you should for sure insist on an even split overall. Maybe make a point that you can still treat her sometimes because you treasure her / like doing that, but that in general it’s an even relationship and your finances should reflect that.

likesmartfunny

Why does this matter? If you’re dating seriously, you’re eventually working towards sharing everything anyway.

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Would you say the same thing if a man asked his wife to stay at home? "Why does it matter? You're working towards the same goal" Gtfo, equality in work and pay means equality in expenses too Not to mention there is a 50% chance of divorce- would you jump without a chute if I told you there was a 50% chance you die? The best thing to do is split everything evenly otherwise you'll end up paying alimony to "maintain lifestyle"

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