Late 20s South Asian Muslim woman who is childfree. Dating is incredibly difficult. I absolutely destroyed my dating app matches too by putting I was CF by choice and considering sterilization. I’m too anxious of a person to date someone who says they could be okay not having kids. I also don’t believe them!?!! Lol it’s like they changed their mind right after I told them how I felt. Grrr

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Most guys say they are ok with you saying you don't want kids...until they realize you're serious. 🤦‍♀️ It totally sucks, and I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

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🤦‍♀️ I'm so sorry OP. People are the worst.

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Hello, OP. I am mid-30’s, CF by choice and underwent a bilateral fallopian salpingectomy (tube removal). I did so voluntary and I highly recommend you research it if you want to sterilize yourself. The procedure was easy and painless, and unlike tube litigation, it gives 100% assurance you won’t get pregnant. Tubes can untie themselves. Now, onto dating. I met my husband who is also CF. He was on the fence, I, however, was upfront and 100% vocal about it. He, over time, decided that having freedom to spend and travel wins out. My suggestion, keep being upfront. That way you do not waste yours or his time. And expand your candidate pool to white men. Unlike, South Asians, they are very open-minded about CF lifestyle. It’s not a knee jerk reaction for them to have kids.

likehelpfulfunny

@D2 I sympathize with your condition, whatever it may be. I deal with a genetic condition that does not prevent me from having children, but typically unalives people who get pregnant with it. If I were to survive pregnancy and birth, my child would, per statistics, have less than a 5 year life expectancy, if they made it past year 1. Assuming you are not a medical doctor, it's more harmful to be saying what you are here than it is for me to consult (multiple) medical professionals regarding my specific condition

Again I can sympathize with your condition, you are likely not the norm. Every human body is different.

Hey! Late 20s SA culturally-muslim guy here. I am also CF. From my own anecdotal experience, I think guys in their 20s making a firm decision to be cf is quite rare (no one else in my social circle has even considered it as an option) … the question simply hasn’t come up for most guys this age. That said, I think you can suss out if someone is genuinely CF by the level of thought they’ve put into their decision and if they have strong reasons behind why they are CF. My advice would be to stick to your guns and quickly rule out anyone who is wishy washy on this. It’s too big a deal breaker to waste your time on someone who may end up switching lanes after a few years.

likesmart

M1 and OP potential love connection?
Haha jk. It's nice to see a guy in here and your perspective.

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From my personal experience, I got the best results when I didn't give reasons for not wanting kids. Whenever I answered the why question with a reason, the other person saw it as invitation for a debate. Instead, I answered with "that is the decision I have made for my life, and I intend to find a partner who is on the same page. If having kids some day is important to you, then we should part ways now so you can find someone who's compatible with you."

They then understood that I was serious, and some even cancelled plans with me before going on the first date (which was actually perfect because we didn't waste each other's time). My husband and I have been together 13 years and we are happily childfree.

Stand firm and good luck!

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Glad to hear it.

I would remove from your profile. I like your intentions of having it out in the open but truly think people just don’t know either way until you find the person you want to be with. There might be people who are not matching with you because of that but they don’t even know. If your in your 20s I would say to date around and talk about that in the early stages of dating if you actually see it going somewhere.

I met my husband on tinder and was on the fence about children. His tinder didn’t say he had a daughter but we met, hit it off and now we decided together not to have any other children. If he had said he had a child on his profile I might never have given him a chance.

I would also suggest reframing your position/ status. You “want” to be a childfree person with your future partner but your single. I think saying your child free when your single is slightly off. But idk I could be wrong on this. And mentioning sterilization on dating apps seem TMI

Is it an option to say “Not interested in having kids, no really, not ever.” (I don’t know the options on various dating apps) vs. mentioning sterilization? That way you’re really clear without going into medical details that seem a bit TMI / intense.

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