{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "leave or stay? \n\nI've been with my bf for over 5 years now and we are both in our mid 30s. Given our age I really do want to get married and have kids sooner rather than later. Everytime I bring it up to him he just agrees and leaves it at that. It's been 5 years and nothing has changed. He is still emotionless with me. He tells me its not me and it's him. He is dealing with his own personal issues.i tell him all the time all I want is communication and intimacy but still nothing. Idk what to do", "post_id": "5f024df6cc46490021bc17c7", "reply_count": 42, "vote_count": 5, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting", "feed_type": "bowl" }

leave or stay?

I've been with my bf for over 5 years now and we are both in our mid 30s. Given our age I really do want to get married and have kids sooner rather than later. Everytime I bring it up to him he just agrees and leaves it at that. It's been 5 years and nothing has changed. He is still emotionless with me. He tells me its not me and it's him. He is dealing with his own personal issues.i tell him all the time all I want is communication and intimacy but still nothing. Idk what to do

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Don’t let age get in the way of having a meaningful partnership. Modern medicine has come a long way and IVF exists. With the right person that does give you the intimacy and communication you deserve and need, I truly believe that other things will come. Also, you can’t wait for him to build the right skills to be the partner you need. It’s not going to happen.

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Will add you also have adoption and surrogacy as options to. You don't need to settle with a man who doesn't empower and support you to have kids.

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My husband was not emotive historically and it was one of the issues that led to divorce for his first marriage. He would be the first to tell you that he’s not great now, but he’s come a long way. When we first started dating, it wasn’t perfect - but I could tell that he was trying.

People can absolutely change - but they have to want to. If he’s committed to changing, there might be hope. If you haven’t seen any effort on his side, you probably need to accept that this is how he is and will be.

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Leave

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😂 I love us, so straight to the point

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I would leave. It sounds like he’s not communicating in a productive way and the kids conversation is super important. Not what I want in a life partner

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Leave. When people show you who they are, believe them. You have all the info you need- he doesn’t want to commit to you.

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Leave. Kids will not fix the relationship.

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He sounds like my husband. If he’s anything like my husband, he won’t change. Leave now before you have kids and the equation changes.

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Thank you ! Sending a DM

Propose to him. Get a definitive yes or no from him so you can move forward.

likefunny

He’s taking you for granted. He knows you think your options are limited because you’re both older, and that you aren’t going to leave him. Ask him to wise up, or leave.

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Before you just up and leave OP, is counseling an option? Have you actually asked him what his thoughts are instead of giving something to agree to? Have you laid out your desires for the future and made it explicit that these are the things you want in life and he either needs to get on board or leave?

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Sounds like your boyfriend is stonewalling, definitely not s good sign of a successful relationship or marriage. Look into it and see if the description fits

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Has he made any efforts to improve his communication? If he hasn't, I'd leave. But honestly you've been waiting long enough... 5 years and if nothing has really changed, I wouldn't be hopeful...

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Thank you everyone for your input. I really appreciate everyone's advice here..I hope I can gather enough courage to take the first step to do what is good for me. Thank you all

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You can do it!!!!! Be strong!

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Hmm 5 years....too long
If he hasn’t changed on his own, do you want someone who might change under duress? If you say no, walk out. You’ve tried. It’s time to call quits.
So sorry 😐 you’ll eventually be fine. Just don’t waste anymore time

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"Trusting yourself means living out what you already know to be true" OP highly recommend you read "Tiny Beautiful Things" by Cheryl Strayed. Good reading for anyone at a crossroads.

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I will definitely check it out. Thank you

L E A V E before there are babies

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I wonder if men have a bowl to talk about stuff like this 🤔

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Men don't really talk about their feelings, even with other men. They are taught (by society) to suppress their emotions and just "be tough" or "be a man". Hence our dilemma today.

Best of luck OP. You deserve happiness and someone who will be a true partner!

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Run!

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Yeaahhhh you can't get him to lift a finger if he doesn't want to. The BEST you can hope for is him going along with you as you do the hard work. That's not good enough.

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