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null

Let’s hear it

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likefunnyuplifting
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I’m paid to fly all over the country, drive fancy cars, eat in fancy places, appear in non productive meetings that have no significance or outcome, prepare “decks”, do excel and most importantly pretend like I’m making a huge difference to the tech industry by doing all the above. The hilarious part is that I have an engineering degree and do all this.

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I sit in meetings and listen to people tell me things that I could have figured out about their business, so I can charge them a large sum of money to tell them what they told me and they can tell their boss and their stockholders that they have this valuable plan that states that they have to do exactly what they told them they had to do last year when they were told no.

likefunny
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Tell department leads how to finish the project we recommended in a field I’ve barely worked in and in which I have no expertise.

likefunnysmartuplifting

This feels like a pretty good description

likehelpfulfunny

I’m a babysitter for grown ass men

likefunnysmart

Literally my life for the last 1.5 years at my client

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You pay me a ton of money to make PowerPoint slides you’ll never see or use again after I’ve taken your money

likefunnysmart

And those slides are nothing new but the exact information that you provided just in ppt instead of doc and pdf 🙄😎 : We just make it look #pretty!

likefunny

‘ I drink and I know things '

likefunnyupliftingsmart

We do the things you can't so you can take credit while blaming us for your screw ups.

likefunnyupliftingsmarthelpful

THIS

likehelpful

I kiss client’s ass. I kiss my manager’s ass. I basically just kiss ass

likefunnyhelpful

Yes.

likehelpful

You organisation has money and a problem, so we take your money and solve the problem while creating different problems

likefunny

I make a lot of guesses.

likeupliftinghelpfulfunny

Show up at client's with a broom and try not to act surprised when we find shit everywhere.

likefunnyhelpful

Oh okay!

Hotel reviewer
Travel blogger
Doctor for companies

These 3 I usually use at dinner parties

likefunnyuplifting

I’m a therapist for business leaders

likefunny

Consulting : Prostitution
Firm : Pimp
Client : John
Me : Professional Masseuse

likefunny

We are paid to explain how badly the client messed up.

likefunny

I feel like this is actually a good explanation though

likesmart

I know more about formatting excel and PowerPoint than I know about the thing you hired me for but my skills with formatting make you think I know what I am talking about the latter

likefunnyuplifting

Or presented something that was BS but the client was thoroughly impressed by it because you took a relatively complex subject and (incorrectly) represented it in a single snazzy graphic that he could share with his senior leadership. We are talking F50 here people.

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I use fake words (by adding -ly to real words) and weird consultants-only phrases to scare you into thinking you know nothing, and I, the “SME” know everything, but in actuality, my knowledge can be summed up in the image below 👇

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likefunny

Ask is not a noun.

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I look at your watch and tell you what time it is

likefunnysmart

Steak your watch*

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I explain business things to technical people and technical things to business people; but mostly I laugh at at people’s jokes and validate them

likefunnysmart

Sell more ads.

likefunny

I fly in an airplane every week. And drink

likefunnyuplifting

I’m a CONsultant

likefunnyuplifting

Additional Posts

Been on this project for two weeks and there were no other POCs on. Walked into the team room today to see two new black analysts ✊🏾

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Do you ever regret not trying to be a software engineer?

likefunny

6th grade Social Studies teacher here! 👋🏻 We currently use Inquiry Based Projects for our unit assessments. Any one else do this in their classroom? How do you do it?

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Staffed on my first travel project. Any packing tips from you ladies on how to pack/what to bring on your carry on and personal item? Do you pack gym gear? What personal items do you bring?

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Creative Directors. I know we all like to piss & moan on here but I’d be interested to know what we all do as individuals to stay relevant and inspiring to our teams and clients as leaders.

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What constitutes a good vs. bad client? What would you estimate to be the % (or ratio) of “good” clients out of all your engagements?

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Is anyone else shocked by how well trump is still doing in the polls? I though he would have much less support, as in less than 10% of the vote. What’s going on?

likefunny

All of my daydreams consist of me starting up a small business. Can't wait to build enough of a savings cushion to quit and go for it!

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Hello fishes, I’m on notice period and only two two days are remaining, I have offer of an 15 LPA from MorningStar and Mindbody requesting you kindly suggest which one I should join , it would be really helpful if you provide valuable information 😊. Thank you

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Hi all, I am new in the Workday Consulting world and I am curious how many billable hours other partner companies have as a norm on a monthly basis.

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Which brands are killing content on Instagram right now? Drop them in comments.

likehelpfuluplifting

Bonus outlook for FY20 for CIBs? Revenues are up but retail segments are getting demolished

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I can’t believe I finished the entire Popeyes spicy chicken sandwich combo in one go. I usually split in to two meals but I literally just shoved everything down in 10 minutes today. What’s happening to me

likefunny

Publicis sapient or legato which one is good to join??

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Piper Sandler culture in 2021? Any improvements from the sweat shop article in 2018?

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Can someone please explain oof and F. Been seeing a lot of that and wondering wth the lingo means.

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Thoughts on working (as a CW/AD pair) with friends?

As in, people you know and like outside of work, not former coworkers or becoming friendly with your coworkers.

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Thoughts on potential exit opportunities coming from a Supply Chain/Technology role at EY vs a more specialized, but smaller name recognition (Efficio)?

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Soliciting financial literacy education & advice.
8 YOE, strong credit 800+, healthy emergency fund, maxing out Roth contributions and only debt is mortgage on a condo investment property which is occupied and paying for itself. I have about ~50k in cash I’d be comfortable with investing but am torn on what to do - another investment property, trading, or.....

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