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Lies My Project Manager/Partner Told Me:

Go!

likefunnyhelpful
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1) there’s no way you don’t make partner this year (8 months later - we are as shocked as you)
2) we need your input (2 days later - what you do isn’t unique, we do it all the time)
3) we’ll make sure to fairly assign credit (3 months later finance tells you you were taken off the code)

likefunny

These stories make me want to never rely on a firm for income

likesmart

Internal project.
The work is remote with a global team so we keep off hours, but we all co-locate once a month in a rotating major city in the world.

It was true once and then corporate travel restrictions to make quarterly numbers meant 100% remote, isolated, and being on 9PM and 4 AM calls.

like
Recent IconRecent

Just wanted to have a quick chat...

likefunny

Charge actual hours worked

likefunnyupliftinghelpfulsmart

It’s about project planning. If deliverable X is planned at 36 hrs, but in reality you need 48 to complete its setting you up for burnout, the timeline for failure and the margins for loss when we miss milestones. Or, figuring out why it’s taking you longer than usual estimates, ie skill gaps, delays, poor contingency.

Put it in terms of your house as a business. If the plumber says a new faucet will take half the day and cost $400, but then is there all day and wants to charge you double you’d never hire again

like

I care about you

likefunnyupliftinghelpful

I far prefer “Listen, we can become best friends, but that’s moot to our relationship as coworkers and your ultimate success in your career. Someday you may decide you’re better off somewhere else, that I’m not giving you the tools to succeed, and that’s fine. That’s a professional decision about a professional relationship. We can still be friends. Or we can decide never to talk to one another again.”

“Part of my duty at a Manager is to make clear that the company is bigger than me. It’s bigger than both of us. If you make professional decisions based on an expectation of me having your back or saving your bacon, you’re making the wrong decisions, and anybody who actually does care about you should tell you the same."

like

Don’t worry if you don’t like the role we can transition you off

likefunnyhelpful

It'll be a chill and fun case, light travel

likefunnyupliftinghelpful

This will only take an hour or two.

likefunnyupliftinghelpful

very common against BD work

Your salary will be adjusted to market

likefunny

K3 KPMG pays at "their" market

You’ll learn a lot

likefunnyuplifting

Haha, this one!

likefunny

Typical 9 to 5 work. This project will have WLB

likefunnyuplifting

Well that describes the most recent consulting gig I’m at.....

You’re a shoe-in for promotion this cycle

likefunny

Can never get the second shoe on.....so wait till the next cycle 🤪

likefunny

We’re like a startup

likefunny

“Don’t be up all night getting this done... but i need it first thing in the AM"

likefunnysmart

Not really a lie, more of a contradiction

like

Let's front load and push in the initial weeks and we'll make up for it by taking some days off towards the end

likefunny

This is what every leader thinks as possible ... many of us try and win some times - losing about 70% not giving the time off team deserves as they will be in a different proj by then :)

like

You’ll be working with the A-team.

likefunnyuplifting

EY2 - maybe you are, but you’re not one of them.

like

I value your input

likefunnyuplifting

I need a SMALL favor

likefunnyuplifting

Haha. At 5pm on a Friday!

likefunny

It's going to be a cake walk. 3 months in and out.

likefunnyuplifting

*dictator

likefunnyhelpful

Just the tip... just for a second; just to see how it feels...

likefunnyuplifting

Winner.

look at big picture

likefunny

We’re just here to deliver the message...all the heavy lifting and analysis has been done in the last phase.

likefunnyuplifting

Specifically by some Out-Of-The-Box tool (read: low-cost analysts manually inputting data)

likefunny

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likeuplifting

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