Life plans. What to do when you were making plans for a family soon, but also your dream job just came up? Context:
After a long search, I was offered my dream job in March. Top agency. The offer has been put on hold indefinitely. They’re apologetic and still want me but just don’t know when it’ll happen. Hate my current job. In parallel, this summer was when we were going to come off BC cuz I’m 35. Do we just start trying & accept I’ll take maternity at my current awful job? Or hold out?

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Take the job and see what happens!

It might take you a while to get pregnant. Very common - my friend who was 35 took her 7 months. Other friend who just had her 2nd child, it took her 2 years. Women rarely talk about how long it takes. You only hear stories about how “it happened the first time we tried!” But the ones who took longer stay quiet, because it’s a stressful time.

Also chances are it might be hard to tell if you’re 5 months pregnant still.

Finally, agencies are all about the PR of supporting women, so maybe they’ll be stoked to show a good side to them. Just prepare an opinions piece for Ad week ;)

Or you can try 72andSunny, Zambezi who are openly very supportive with pregnancies!

likefunny

Thank you! AD2 that was so so so so helpful and insightful. We’ve now lost a relative to Covid though. Whilst I thought that might accelerate our decision, currently the grief is too much. There is never a right time though, as you say.

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It took me 4 years to get pregnant after I went off of BC. Required a lot I wasn’t aware would be required including surgeries and eventually a couple of rounds of IVF. I can’t tell you how much I wish I had married my husband earlier and tried for a baby sooner. Once they are in your arms you realize how precious time is, and no amount of time feels long enough to spend with them. You can absolutely do big dream jobs with kids. It gets a little more complicated at times but it’s still doable with the right support system in place.

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This is one of the reasons the workplace is still not equal. If you were a man this would not be a concern. If you want a baby, try for a baby. This industry is not worth putting your life plans on hold for. Also maybe your dream agency doesn’t have a waiting period for mat leave? It’s worth asking what their policy is. But nonetheless if you really want a baby, don’t wait. You will regret it.

likehelpful

It’s amazing the considerations women have to weigh and make, eh?

I agree with a poster above - don’t wait to start trying, if you can. You never know how long it will take to get pregnant (I never dreamed it would take me over a year). Also, your dream job may look a little different once kiddos are in the mix. Let’s say you get pregnant, and then dream job opens up again - how they react to your change in circumstances will be very telling. If they’re a great place, they’ll still welcome you. If not, that might be a big red flag from the outset.

All that being said, if you really want to start trying for a baby, do it. Jobs will always come and go, but this will be your family.

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Good luck! It’s definitely a lot to figure out. I have a 9th month old now so still very much figuring out this whole “working mom” thing. That being said, it’s still very possible to do both, if that’s what you want to do. I’m convinced working moms often become efficiency ninjas out of pure necessity. ☺️

Neither one of these things is guaranteed, so why not go for both?

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It’s an emotional thing for sure! Good luck with both!

If they wanted you before and change their minds because you got pregnant, you likely dodged losing time you will never get back to working for a company that views your pregnancy as a liability. Or maybe their work culture is too aggressive. Studios I worked at when I was much younger, I don't know why anyone with a kid would want to work there, and they didn't. We had nothing but time to prove ourselves and needed all the time to get real experience we could get. Different place in my life, different needs and goals.

I have worked for agencies that have hired women while they were pregnant and were fully supportive of their investment. They exist and don't pause your personal goals over hypotheticals if you have paved a way to achieve them. There are many places you can work where parents can shine at work and at home. And like another poster stated, your goals may shift once your assume your new "title and responsibilities" as a parent.

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Cheers and good luck! Plan a little and mentally prepare for it be a little bit magic carpet ride at times as well. Remember to nurture both roles - professional and personal and you will be solid. Also, be open to letting go of roles that no longer serve your journey so, there is space for new ones.

With so many unknowns we are currently under. The one thing you have control over is what you want, and if starting a little family is next on your path then go for it! Everything will fall into place. Stay optimistic your dream job will come to you when the time is right.

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Squarely team #GoForBoth, as others have said above. I also want to counter the person who was like “omg jobs come and go, but this will be YOUR FAMILY.” IMO good for that person for having a great family up this point that makes them feel like family > , but I’ve been through a whole bunch of stuff that makes me realize that family is not...that, so my career + other endeavors are how I have made joy and legacy for myself up to this point. I’m 35 and want kids but just got the career break I’ve always wanted and went for it even though it’s freelance (read: no maternity benefits). All that to say: this is all SUPER personal, and you do not deserve to be miserable for 8+ hrs per day. Go for both and see what happens.

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Thank you so much, your words are coming from a kindred spirit. I love my job and I love this crazy business. Having kids is something I’m super interested in but it’s not like I hold it on a pedestal. I think I’ll be happy in my life either way. (The current job isn’t terrible because they’re abusive or horrible people, it’s just really dull work and I don’t share their lacklustre ambition.)
I’ve been listening to too many past experiences of friends who had their babies at 30 and did a bunch of time math, like my teacher friend who timed her pregnancy for the school summer break, or the insurance friend who stayed in a job she hated for two years just to secure a future of five months maternity pay(?!!) Life plans do not have a structure you can rely on I guess.
Can I get a sweater saying #TeamBoth now??

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You can have both, pls don't loose sight of that! Which one happens first is up to you and you only :)

likehelpful

⤴️ I guess I feel like we should start trying because we don’t know how long it’s going to take, but in doing so the future job might disappear altogether because even if it does come back around, they might not take me preggo. My bf thanks I should just start trying and accept that I’m stuck in a job I don’t like for the sake of getting maternity cover 😐 He’s saying you can’t necessarily wait it out and see if dream job comes off pause because then you’re postponing your life plans down the road another year. My fear is that it would be much harder to regain this dream role once parenting changes you.

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Absolute no brainer: Put your family plans first. I wish I had done that or had someone to share that advice with me ❤️

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Live your life! Jobs will come and go make a family.

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It took me 1.5yrs to get pregnant - so don’t put your life on hold for now. I say go for it and see what happens. If the dream job comes back and you’re pregnant, you’ll just tell them after you get and accept the offer. It’s none of their business if you’re trying to or in process of growing a baby.

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Yep!

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Oh yes. Start trying AND take the job! You can do both! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It takes time to get pregnant and then it takes time to grow a baby. You may not get great maternity coverage at the new gig, but try to save up some money so you can take some h paid time If they’ll allow it. You’ll be a bad ass, hard working, life balancing mama. No time and any time are both perfect to have that kid. (For context, I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant 5 weeks into a new job. Whoops! But everyone was gracious and I kick ass all the way until the babe arrived.)

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Move forward with baby plans, you never know how long it takes and SO many agencies are changing their leave policy where it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been there. You should not be punished for being a woman/having children. We need to continue to do what we need to do or the system won’t change. I accepted a job and found out I was pregnant shortly after. They were 100% cool with it. I also know someone who started a new job and took maternity leave the following week and got 8 months for leave through the company. It can be done and we have to push for it and not be afraid

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This is tough. We don’t know what’s going to happen with the economy once things start returning to normal. Likewise, it might be an awful time to have a kid because of that exact same reason. You don’t deserve to be stuck with a job you hate just because your biological clock is ticking. Also it’s definitely not up to your boyfriend to make that choice for you either. Personally, I would keep searching for different jobs and put babymaking on hold. But that’s just my opinion!

I didn’t mean to imply that he was pressurizing me. That’s absolutely not the case. Struggling with the character limit hehe. I think I would like to put the babymaking on hold but I’m conscious of my age.

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