{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Long Post :\nI have a divorced female friend that I have known for over 15 years and consider as a sister.\nFor the past couple weeks because I was on the bench and bored we talked about an hour+ often, especially when I am walking and need company.\nMy wife went through my T mobile call history and mad because I'm talking to her too often and too long. She knows the friend as well and we all hangout on multiple occasions.\nAm I doing something wrong here? Or my wife is just insecure?", "post_id": "5f24c26ca8015c001a670458", "reply_count": 46, "vote_count": 3, "bowl_id": "5e8656b80bdab1002a7355dc", "bowl_name": "Confession ", "feed_type": "bowl" }

Long Post : I have a divorced female friend that I have known for over 15 years and consider as a sister. For the past couple weeks because I was on the bench and bored we talked about an hour+ often, especially when I am walking and need company. My wife went through my T mobile call history and mad because I'm talking to her too often and too long. She knows the friend as well and we all hangout on multiple occasions. Am I doing something wrong here? Or my wife is just insecure?

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My boyfriend actively texts this one girl that I know he has no interest in but other than friendship If he were to talk to her on the phone for an hour, my first reaction would be “spill the tea!” He also brings up their conversation and let me in on the details. I supposed trust is a two street. Keep her informed and let her know how you think of her (your wife) and how you think of your friend.

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Like others above, I sense there’s more to the story here. If my husband was having frequent hour+ calls with anyone—regardless of sex—it would have come up in conversation. Did you intentionally leave that out from your conversations with your wife? Or are you not talking to your wife as much as your friend? I have never felt the need to go through phone records or texts. Why did your wife? Have you given her reason to be suspicious—or does she have baggage from something before you got married? Even if she’s just feeling insecure, she’s your wife and I assume you want her to feel secure in your relationship. If my husband told me something I was doing made him uncomfortable, I’d stop doing it. Even if I didn’t think it was wrong, I’d stop because I’ve decided he is the person I’m committed to and I want him to be happy. I think it’d be good for both of you to reflect on the situation and find some common ground.

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Sounds like emotional cheating at its finest.

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Emotional cheating is super real. Even if the subject matter isn’t about the relationship, sex, etc, it’s about misplaced INTIMACY. I’m not saying that’s what OP is doing—I also have a “sister” I’ve known my whole life and she and I routinely go on walks alone, speak on the phone at length, etc, and for 98% of our friendship I have not been emotionally intimate with her in lieu of my partner (ie, emotionally cheated; there was a rough patch when I think I did). All this to say it’s not black and white the way folks above are making it seem. OP, you’ll know if you’re getting something from this person that’s more than what you get from a friend, but not necessarily with any romantic intention. Maybe it’s totally cool, or maybe you’re creating intimacy with this person in ways you can’t with your wife—that’s a slippery slope. We all need other relationships in life, one person cannot and should not be everything, but with intimacy that should be with the partner and then gets misplaced elsewhere, it’s tough

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I don’t have an hour of free time to talk to many people in my day. I’ll be damned sure it’s not some other woman who isn’t my wife.

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D1 I agree with you—I’m a married guy with loads of female friends and I think it’s positive and awesome too—but a lot of intimacy isn’t physical and in my experience it’s a slippery slope

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I would talk to your wife about why she was going through your TMobile bill. Is that normal for her? Is she suspicious of you for a reason? This alone seems like insecure behavior. I don’t think it’s wrong that you were talking to your friend but it does seem like you and your wife should have a chat.

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This is the most correct answer.

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Just went through this myself. Wife is right bro. Even if we don’t have any intention of cheating, this is still a different woman who is reaching levels of conversational intimacy that is usually reserved for spouses.

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Think you may have misunderstood me. Spending time with other men wouldn’t count as cheating in my book because there is no possibility of sexual attraction. My wife though would still have the right to call me out on it. Simply put, there’s an underlying problem if I would rather spend a bigger part of my limited free time socializing with someone other than my spouse.

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Insecure

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If I were in your wife’s position, I’d be upset too. But of course it would depend on the person. I have friends that are friends with my boyfriend and I probably wouldn’t care at all because I trust that friend 100%. But since your wife is upset, maybe she doesn’t fully trust this friend and believes she might have other intentions. I’d sit down with your wife and talk to her about it because if she is uncomfortable with it, then I don’t think you should be doing it. Whether she is insecure or not, she shouldn’t have to feel that way in the first place since she is your wife and should be your #1 priority.

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For myself, I wouldn't be upset if my husband was frequently taking to a female friend at length IF he had mentioned it to me in some capacity. To find out your husband spends hours taking to another woman and never mentioned it... feels icky at best.

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Why would your wife go through your call history out of the blue? The only time I ever did that was to confirm my suspicions that my ex was cheating but if there’s nothing to trigger that suspicion I think it’s weird she’s checking unwarranted.

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Both.

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Honestly all you people saying that his wife is insecure are total idiots! Maybe he’s paying more attention to this friend than to her and that’s why she feels the need to get on his shit. I think you and your wife need to have a sit down to discuss what made her go through your bill since I do not think that is normal behavior. I think the most normal thing would be for her to bring up whatever is causing her lack of trust in you before going behind your back to look through your bill and then make it a bigger problem. However, I do agree with EY 2. This is the lifelong partner you chose and I am sure you love her very much and don’t want her feeling this way. Fix it with her—- bc your friend might find a new spouse and forget all about you but the damage to your marriage might remain.

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Wife is just insecure

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Insecure.

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I think this merits the question: are you talking to her and paying her more attention than you are your wife currently? If the answer is yes, that might be a bit overkill. If the answer is no then perhaps your wife is insecure because you’re leaving her out.

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Insecure. You're allowed to have friends

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You need to switch from T-Mobile dude

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How are things going with your wife? Maybe she’s feeling like she’s not getting enough attention.

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I discussed with my girlfriend and she said the bigger question is why is the wife going through his phone records. There isn’t an absolute answer either way. Just try to remain open to life’s possibilities

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Maybe you should try randomly talking to your friend while your wife is there. To reassure her you have nothing to hide.

Uh I have female friends that I tan to for an hr at a time. Sounds a little insecure. With that said, wife comes before friend so if it is an issue, stop the calls.

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